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Weirdest item you ever masturbated with?

thetaxmancometh · 8308

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Offline MtTamKim

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Reply #20 on: August 24, 2015, 10:33:38 AM
Just got back from a family week in Vegas (For the last week of freedom :-(  )

There's a huge gift shop right at the top end of the strip that has a 'naughty' section. It had a weird new toy in it. It's called Club Vibe, and it's a vibe shaped like a thick panty liner that you wear inside the panty it comes with, but it's sound activated - it vibrates in time with what it hears! It also has a remote, and you can switch it so that it vibrates to what it hears, or what the remote hears.

The witch at the counter wouldn't sell it to me, and she gave my mom a really filthy look when she bought it for me  ;D

Kim


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Reply #21 on: August 24, 2015, 05:24:48 PM
"Last week of freedom"?

Are you getting locked up, or married?



Offline Jbird4

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Reply #22 on: August 24, 2015, 10:16:19 PM
Weirdest thing ever.   MANY years ago, when I was turned on by most animate and inanimate objects, I decided that a Big Mac would feel good.  I squeezed it on me and masturbated with it.   It created a big mess - not counting my own cum.  And my junk smelled like a tasty burger for hours.   


Offline thetaxmancometh

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Reply #23 on: August 24, 2015, 11:37:00 PM
Jbird, I would think that would lead to some serious imbalances in your pink palace too? Interesting craving you had though :)


Offline joan1984

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Reply #24 on: August 25, 2015, 12:12:35 AM
Quote from: Jbird4 on August 24, 2015, 10:16:19 PM
Weirdest thing ever.   MANY years ago, when I was turned on by most animate and inanimate objects, I decided that a Big Mac would feel good.  I squeezed it on me and masturbated with it.   It created a big mess - not counting my own cum.  And my junk smelled like a tasty burger for hours.   

How did it feel, with the 'special sauce' and sesame seed bun?

Some people are like the 'slinky'. Not really good for much,
but they bring a smile to your face as they fall down stairs.

Offline Jbird4

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Reply #25 on: August 25, 2015, 04:28:47 PM
Well like I said, it was definitely weird.   It was goo-y and slippery.  I have know idea what made me do it.  I did stick with it till I ejaculated.   So I guess it was good.  But the special sauce definitely made me smell like a Big Mac.   

I admit it was off the charts weird. 


Offline MtTamKim

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Reply #26 on: August 26, 2015, 10:36:52 PM
Quote from: IdleBoast on August 24, 2015, 05:24:48 PM
"Last week of freedom"?

Are you getting locked up, or married


Worse than either. Summer vacation is over. :'(


Offline thetaxmancometh

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Reply #27 on: August 26, 2015, 11:05:19 PM
You are a teacher then? You CHOOSE to work with hundreds of snotty nosed brats on a daily basis? I bet you are a masochist at home too :)


Offline tanker4316

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Reply #28 on: September 01, 2015, 04:35:34 PM
I jerked off in front of a schoolgirl I knew while I fucked an actual bowling pin

Sub/slut eager 2 B dominated by sexy female/shemale schoolgirl mistress R U my queen    randy.moncrief.9@FB/MstrGrllOp4316@gmail/Kik@LadyBoyLuvr

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Reply #29 on: September 01, 2015, 04:46:34 PM
How do you fuck a bowling pin?

They don't have any holes in...

Unless...  damn, didn't your eyes water??



Offline Piper-Dreams

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Reply #30 on: September 01, 2015, 06:37:33 PM
Quote from: tanker4316 on September 01, 2015, 04:35:34 PM
I jerked off in front of a schoolgirl I knew while I fucked an actual bowling pin
:o


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #31 on: May 07, 2016, 03:49:05 AM
I used to use the bottom side of a spoon.
I also discovered much joy while riding my bicycle.

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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #32 on: May 07, 2016, 05:30:28 AM
My Horse....
More specifically Naked, Bare Back On My Horse.
(okay you guys, DO NOT adjust / rearrange /alter this response).!!!!
Damn perverts.....
 :D

Love,
Liz


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Reply #33 on: May 07, 2016, 10:19:41 AM
Quote from: Piper-Dreams on September 01, 2015, 06:37:33 PM
Quote from: tanker4316 on September 01, 2015, 04:35:34 PM
I jerked off in front of a schoolgirl I knew while I fucked an actual bowling pin
:o

It's no small task, but once the heads in the neck bits not too thick. Have an ex that won a pink one in a tourney. Started as a joke and ended in her.... Both ways fit fine after some warm-up.

I had a mountain bike with a squeezy type water bottle. One of my favorite trails had a bunch of quiet little overlooks off trailside. They stretched above a lazy little stream. Which happened that summer to have a fairly steady strand of slowly drifting rafts full of bikini-clad-teenage-wet-dream. I'm still not  shure why I used the water bottle instead of airing out but. That's my weird.
Interesting side note: the next day I road out with my neighbor. Having snapped her chain she borrowed my bike and I road my step-dads. I of corse, completely spaced cleaning the bottle and hadn't registered till just after she filled it with water at a park Fountain and finished drinking around half.


Offline None

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Reply #34 on: May 07, 2016, 12:15:01 PM
Not really masturbating but when I was a kid I would occasionally get my dick wet, put it on the tracks of my model train, and turn the power supply up.

The first thing I ever fucked was a three foot tall stuffed dog that I had which conveniently had a hole in its butt. I didn't put the hole there,  honestly, but did find it very useful several times.


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #35 on: May 11, 2016, 04:17:44 AM
Quote from: Emanresu on May 07, 2016, 12:15:01 PM
Not really masturbating but when I was a kid I would occasionally get my dick wet, put it on the tracks of my model train, and turn the power supply up.

When I first read it, I didn't understand the whole train tracks thing.   I thought you were running it over with the train and wondering how you'd get off like that.  I did not understand that you were sending an electrical trickle through it. 

hahaha, I'm a little slow tonight.



Quote from: Emanresu on May 07, 2016, 12:15:01 PM
The first thing I ever fucked was a three foot tall stuffed dog that I had which conveniently had a hole in its butt.

So, is it safe to assume you like it doggy style, Cap'n Resu?   ;)



***edit spelling fix
« Last Edit: May 11, 2016, 01:28:22 PM by MintJulie »

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Offline None

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Reply #36 on: May 11, 2016, 11:05:42 AM
Jules, Indeed, doggie is a fine choice. All this time I thought it was because of it being a much more sensitive position for me. You might be on to something,  it's been the stuffed animal all along.  ^-^


Offline None

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Reply #37 on: May 11, 2016, 12:28:13 PM
That brings a whole new meaning to the term Hoover Maneuver.


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #38 on: May 11, 2016, 01:32:40 PM
Quote from: toeinh2o on May 11, 2016, 12:17:32 PM
 I peaked inside and saw him in his tighty whities with his cock inserted into the metal handle of our canister vacuum.  

I had a friend that did this on her boobs when she was smaller.   She thought it would make them pointier, and she just liked the feeling.   She ended up burning the motor up on 2 of her moms vacuums.

 :roll:,
Jules

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Offline Hoss

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Reply #39 on: May 11, 2016, 02:32:00 PM
Quote from: MintJulie on May 11, 2016, 01:32:40 PM
Quote from: toeinh2o on May 11, 2016, 12:17:32 PM
 I peaked inside and saw him in his tighty whities with his cock inserted into the metal handle of our canister vacuum.  

I had a friend that did this on her boobs when she was smaller.   She thought it would make them pointier, and she just liked the feeling.   She ended up burning the motor up on 2 of her moms vacuums.

 :roll:,
Jules

Don't know about the boobs. ...but it would have worked wonders on the nipples.... :roll:...reminds me of back in the day when satisfaction could be obtained from the automatic milking cups whilst working on a Dairy Farm...http://

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...

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