My brother keeps a list of things he likes to bitch about. A car I sold him 30 years ago. A computer I sold him 20+ years ago. A room I rented to him 30 years ago. And whenever he gets drunk, he brings it up just to remind me what a no good SOB I am, who “took advantage” of my brother.
I finally said, “Would you just add all this up and give me a number? I’d be happy to pay you whatever it is you think I owe you. I don’t wanna have to listen to this every time you’re drunk and have a burr under your saddle.“
Silence.
“Well? What is it? You must have a number in mind, I know you. You’ve been ruminating about this for decades. Just tell me what your number is, so I can buy my peace.“
“You’re completely missing the point. That’s the kind of asshole you are.”
I feel you.
I am going to divulge some shit about my grandmother.
She spent an entire week two weeks ago telling me how bad my parents were. She painted herself as the victim and savior. She accused my father of abusing my mother, yelling at her, among other things. She accused my mother of abuse of me and my siblings, not being a "good" mother, locking us in a room and not letting us out to use the bathroom, along with other disturbing shit. She does not remember that I have a painfully sharp memory, that I can remember what I see and hear absolutely well.
For the longest time the golden rule around me was to not say anything you do not want repeated because I will repeat it verbatim.
I remember the good and bad times with my mother and father.
My parents were not perfect. They fought, not physically as dad would walk out if he was sufficiently riled up. But they truly loved each other. My mom said fighting in a marriage is not a bad thing unless it becomes physical, because the make up sex is epic. (Thus is why I wished someone would have told my dad to stop boinking mom, cause there were plenty of mouths to feed.)
My grandmother had an expectation.
My grandfather died a couple of years before my mom married, and he was a kind and gentle, yet hard man. He kept her spending on a tight leash. She had a champagne taste on a whiskey budget. He had a great job with the government, so they did not lack. But she wanted to live at their level of means, and he was frugal because he always believed that no matter how good things are, it takes one moment to rob you of that security. So he kept things in perspective, despite her wanting more.
My mom's siblings were highly successful. One rose up to run an entire medical research lab, then up to high management before retiring. One designed computers for schools grading systems and helped install them, before retiring to fix computers and work for his church. and the last became editor in chief of a cities newspapers, moving to the pacific northwest where he writes science articles and such. Has a really nice house and all.
And you have my mom. Who gave up studying diseases to have a family. Was trained to fix computers and at the time VCR's. She married my father who had lofty goals, but not the aptitude to get them done.
So guess who got the brunt of the anger and sadness at my grandfather's passing?
So when my mom got sick, my grandmother claims to have put herself into debt helping my dad take care of my mom. To the tune of 18k.
But this is the part that makes me laugh.
She did everything on her own. No one asked her for help. She would just inject herself into every situation that arose, like she was some hero to save her daughter from us bumbling fools.
And when she passed and dad came into some money, as he retired and got a nice check, plus the money from mom's life insurance, in which grandma claims shes entitled to a lions share, and even resorted to trying to get us to find the paperwork for her when he wasn't home to get it changed, and when we told her no, she got really pissed.
So when she asked dad for the money she put into mom's care to be repaid, I worked hard to stifle a snicker.
"No."
My dad told her flatly no.
"Why?, I did..."
"Because I did not ask you personally to help me with her. You would just show up, and help. So whatever you spent on helping is on you."
She cussed my dad before storming out of his house.
Dad just smiled at the door and waved at her as she angrily drove off.
She threatened to get him back. Jokes on her again, all the money gone. Divided among his kids and she cant stand it. She tore through his house looking for money, and found it empty as we moved everything out to have work done on it for my sisters to live.
And now she is rounding on me, the first born. And I could not give a shit. I am not sending a gift to a wedding I was not invited to attend. Its the principle of the matter. It would be different if I could not attend, then I could send a gift. Me and the wife can arrange our schedules to make time to go. It would be as easy as a leisurely drive to New Orleans, and hop the Amtrak to Wyoming. Easy Peasy.
But I was not invited. My wife was not invited. My children were not invited, nor were my permanent house guests. So I have no obligation to send a gift. I will send a card congratulating them, but that's as far as I go.
Yesterday the family rallied to bother the fuck out of me. I assume they were trying to get me to relent and buy the damned coffee maker. So I pinpoint targeted the weakest of of my family, my younger (22) cousin Tabby. She wilts quite easily. She has no poker face. So I invited her over, and offered her coffee and cookies. Then I applied the right kind of pressure, and learned why everyone and their brother was dead set on that coffee maker.
Apparently everyone has chipped in to a complete house and kitchen make over, for the house that his fiancee's father bought them. That was the last thing needed to finish the makeover while they are off in Europe for a month. I smiled.
You know what I got when I got married?
Annulment papers and three hundred dollars.
So the whole family wants to bend over backwards for him, and yet I get snubbed. And I am supposed to drop fifteen hundred dollars on a ultra epic coffee maker for their love nest, while I drink Folgers out of something I cobbled together and kept running for years.
I will be going into Ultra Dick Mode V5
I think I might just buy the damned thing for us, and send them all pics and videos of us using it, and having fun. I just might do that. I do not understand half of its functions, but if it can make a good cup of coffee then it paid for itself in spades.
Oh yeah, I am an asshole.