More Recipes from my family, and a little sexy story about them....

[Writers Bloque]

There are a few family recipes held dear in my family. There is an absolute rule: Do not share under the threat of death. My wife and mother gotten along better than you would expect from a wife and mother in law, mostly because my wife practically grew up with us, and was actually willing to learn the family's secret female ninja cooking arts. My sisters, however, only took on one or two lessons because they did not see the value in it. This recipe I can share because my great grandmother told me to share it, despite the women of the family objecting. But shes been gone for over a decade.

Nana's Sandtarts aka Danish Wedding Cookies (they are not, but adding cinnamon will make them so, so bite my shiny pink ass Melissa)

1 1/2 cup of pecans
1 cup soft butter
1/2 cup of sifted confectioners sugar (10x is fine, it just means it was ground down to a powder 10x)
2 1/4 cup of sifted all purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoon of Vanilla extract. Don't cheap it up, buy the pure, the taste is better
1/2 teaspoon of salt. table salt will be fine

Chop those nuts to almost powder, or just fine chop. I powderize mine because an aunt complained about a large chunk of pecan in hers.
Mix the orgy of sugar butter and vanilla until is a nice mix
Add the flour and Salt, mix lightly but making sure its all mixed well
Then add the nuts, and give it one or two more turns and mixes but do not over mix.
Let the party chill, for an hour in the fridge
Take out, roll into balls
Preheat oven to 400 degrees *GASP* not the beloved 350? No. because 350 will make it take longer and not bake through.
Place balls on preferred baking method, and slide into oven for 10-12 minutes. You will definitely know when they are done, when you smell them, and you feel both aroused and hungry.
Let cool.
But
Before they cool to room temperature, get a bag, covered bowl, or something, add 1 cup of conf. sugar, and shake to coat. Or not, they taste damned good clothed or naked.

To convert to Wedding cookies:

Add 1/2 tablespoon of cinnamon to it. Then you must dress them in conf sugar.

Notes:

Do not use unsalted butter. It takes away some of the flavor.
Do not use margarine.
Do not make when a man or woman is present.
Or kids.

The story:

My wife was very pregnant, and me and her were of legal age 18 at Christmas time. My wife was helping my mom, and my mom had to make another of her whole family store runs. Me? I was lying on the couch like a lion on the rock, as the lioness was making lunch and cookies. Now This story is both sexy and the last time I got my ass whipped by my mother. I woke up when they left and let my dick do the leading. HEHEHE. She was covered in flour, icing, and looked like a walking trainwreck, and did not notice my approach. I snuck up behind her, not knowing she was waiting for the sandtarts to finish, and I grabbed her from behind and started to lick the icing off of her neck. My mom likes to play in the kitchen, throwing or shooting icing at her helpers. I get that secret spot I believe all women have, the back of the earlobe, and nibble on her lobe. She of course gets horni and mad, and we make out. Then when I was getting a handy, I smell burning cookies. She pulls them out and starts sobbing. They were not blackened, just a tad darker brown. She pushed me away, as my mom walks into the kitchen, she forgot her checkbook, and saw me with my dick out, and my wife on the floor sobbing, and she got my wife out to the car, came in and beat my ass for making her burn the cookies. I never had to run with my pants down, but I did. So I was jailed in my room until dinner.

Men, never ever sneak up on a woman cooking.

[Writers Bloque]

How Auntie Lush saved Christmas.

20 at the time.

Huge family gathering, 4 families all on Christmas day.

Every able bodied members of the families had to help cook or bring something. Auntie Lush was already a quarter of the way through her usual holiday bender, and my wife was absolutely freaking out. In the south there are four main staples you serve to guests depending on the size of the gathering, the time of year and holiday celebrated:

Cheese Straws.

Sausage Balls

Pimento cheese spread (a swiss army knife of uses looks kind of gross, but used and made right is pretty good. I like it on two slices of white bread.)

Smoked cheese and crackers with summer sausage

My wife was in charge of mass producing the finger foods for the gathering before the meal, as she was given the money, because even after three years, my wife was trying to fit in and prove herself to the elder matriarchs, but I told her she was fine, she even got to sit next to me at the adult table (it took me some time to eat with the adults, because 90% of my sides of the family still viewed me as a goofy kid.) Of course she had help, my good cousins were over watching my daughters, and assisting in running what we finished over to my grandmothers house. Not a long drive. It was time to switch to making savory nibbles, and that is where my wife loses her collective shit. Her mom's recipe for Pimento spread was not coming together as it should, and with the girls occupied elsewhere in the apartment, I had to work my ass off in wrapping gifts, since it was Christmas Eve.

I come in, and taste the spread with a Ritz, and I can honestly say it tasted not right. Not bad, not super, but passable, with a distinct different twinge to it. So I looked over the recipe and found the problem. My wife thought she could cheat and use cottage cheese. Nope. It will take forever in the fridge to congeal properly. She started crying. So after I was done with the presents, I made a trip to the liquor store....

Grabbing a bottle of E&J Brandy, I ran to grandmas house, to find her sister the Lush sprawled on the huge back porch swing, an empty bottle of Gin on the ground. I woke her up and traded the brandy for her sausage ball recipe. I ran home, and taught my wife how to make them, along with my moms slow cooked meatballs:

Lushes Sausage Balls.

1 pound of ground sausage (like those in the plastic tubes, basically casingless raw sausage)
1 packet of bisquick, not a box but one of those plastic single batch packages -or- 1 1/2 cup of the dry ingredients for biscuits sifted together untli blended properly
1 pack of shredded cheddar (mild for a nice mellow flavor, sharp to highlight the sausage)

Combine it all together by hand. A mixer will overmix and toughen the dough It is well mixed when the dough is not sticky and there is no crumbs at the bottom of the bowl.

Let rest for five minutes

While you do that, you can make an optional dip for them:

In a saucepan add:

a half a stick of butter

1 cup of milk

a dash of salt and pepper

once the mix is hot, and butter melted add

1 package of shredded pepperjack cheese
3 tablespoons of Dijon mustard
1 light dash of hot sauce

mix until its melted down into a gooey mess

Remove from heat and pour into the serving bowl.

Let it cool until it just starts to solidify, then mix in:

4 oz. of sour cream (half a tub)

Mix and serve

Now halfway through the dip making you should already have:

Preheat oven: 350 degrees

AND

Roll the dough into thumper marble sized balls. I cant give you a better example, because you do not want them too big or they will be raw in the center or too small and they will cook too quickly. The size of a superball? or a Ferro Roche? I dont know, since i just make them big enough to fill the loop of the okay sign with my hand.

There is two ways you can bake them: on a rack with a drip pan underneath, to remove alot of grease, or on a pan and let the grease assist in the cooking. Both are good ways to go, one makes them less unhealthy.

bake them until golden brown, almost full brown, and remove from oven.

Let cool for 5-10 minutes and serve alone or with the dip.

If you want a kick to add to the sauce:

1/4 cup of bourbon, a dash of paprika, cayenne pepper, and 1 tsp of liquid smoke, add to cheese mix as cheese melts.
Then finish normally, with the sour cream.

Now having taught her that, I opened my wallet to watch my personal pocket money vanish.

I sent my cousins to the store for a few things, while I had the girls on the couch. Boy its hard work being a dad.

When my cousins returned....

My wife was packing up the sausage balls to be delivered. They keep well in the fridge. The dough can be froze for a month, just thaw and bake. And baked they last two weeks in the fridge.

But....

I get a call from granmothers command center, it seems like there will be a lot of plus ones. So I asked for two of her electric crock pots. This woman hoards them for big family things. She sent two big ones over and I got to work:

Momma''s Mighty Mystifying Meatballs.

My mom would make these so good, it would convert a vegan. It made no sense how these were epic.

2 packages of homestyle meatballs, or make traditional meatballs ahead of time, just dont use any Italian seasonings.

2 jars of Chili pepper sauce, Heinz makes them in glass jars

2 cans of cranberry sauce. I will settle a possible debate now. For nibble purposes just use the regular no fruit kind. But if you want to do something wild on a sandwich, use the whole fruit kind.

Mix and let simmer for two to three hours. Then serve with toothpicks or if you are brave, a cheese cube of cheddar, with a pretzle stick through the cube and meatball.

You have the sweet, the savory of the meatball, and then the kick of the pepper sauce. It is truly good.

Wife was hailed as a hero, as Lush slept outside in grandma's swing instead of helping make food for over a hundred people.

More to come.

[Vela Nanashi]

Woo for sharing recipes

[Writers Bloque]

Mom's Divine Punishment -or- Leftover heavenly hash.

This started when I was 15 and carried on until I left home married and a daddy.

Siblings.

Easter.

Baskets of candy.

And an all out war.

It started at our house and carried over to my grandmother's house. Mom and Dad made sure we all had baskets every year. People in the family made the baskets, and I treasure mine as an Heirloom. As such, being the oldest, and not prone to causing two ant infestations, I was allowed to keep my basket in my room as I was not a candy glutton, and enjoyed my candy. stretching it out until it was gone. Usually sharing it with my gf/wife under the tree while we read comics and manga. BUT, this year, the ravenous horde had heard the family at grandma's was going all out, as we kids usually had two baskets, one from our parents and one from family to keep us occupied while the family gathered and dinner was cooking. My basket had a couple of small lego sets, usually the last set I needed to complete a collection and some candy. But this year a cousin said that the baskets were going to be LOADED, since someone came into some good money. This year GF/Wife was with me, as her parents really did not do much for Easter, besides the church thing, so she was allowed to accompany me to our family dinner, and as per rules, there was supposed to be a whole cushion width between us on the couch. So as the younger kids were losing their collective minds, it was finally time for the egg hunt. I was too old to participate, me and sweetie sat on the porch like grown ups, sipping sweet iced tea, watching the thirty kid war for eggs. There was a special egg with ten whole dollars in it to be found, and thus it became a war. My third youngest sister found it, and hid it in secret under the plastic grass in her basket. So I was tasked with wrangling the kids, so they can calm down and rest, and the baskets were handed out. I kid you not, but those baskets look like a candy bar vending machine exploded on them.

I mean there were a few fun sized things here and there, but the majority of the basket was full on candy bars. My and Gf's basket was no exception, but she got a cross stitch hoop, some floss and patterns. I got not a small lego set, but at the time a christmas sized one, I mean my uncle, man. He bought an at the time expensive one. I was excited. My dad, the smartest man I knew, took me and her baskets and stashed them in his locking tool box in the back of his truck. It would have been a fatal error, but the day was still pretty cool, the last gasps of winter. Me and her treats secure, we went and ate. The sun was getting lower, and the party wound down, so me and gf rode home with my dad, while our part of the army of the sugar hyped damned rode with mom, despite them being sugar wound up, they all fell asleep in the back seats clutching their precious baskets.

Dad drops GF off and I opt to walk home, just to spend a few more minutes with her. She kissed my cheek at her mailbox and sent me walking the two blocks home. I arrive to a scene of much blood shed. My dad is putting his work boots on, as he had the night shift, as my siblings were tearing each other apart over their chocolate candy. I decided to get my lego set and basket and go in through the kitchen which had a staircase to the second floor. I grabbed a chunk of ham and lamb and made my way up to build my gift.

But then I heard it. Many angry feet stomping up the stairs. I locked my door and dragged my dresser to block the door, as one of them somehow knew how to pick the lock to get in.

"WRITER MOM TOOK OUR CANDY, GIMME SOME OF YOURS!"

"NO!"

"WE GONNA TELL THAT YOU KISSED GF"

"So?"

This was the common attack tactic of my younger siblings. Blackmail and treachery if they even thought I had candy or something they wanted. It almost never worked, since the last time it did work, my demon spawned siblings tore up my limited edition M.A.S.H. Bell helicopter model. My dad liked to watch the show's reruns, and a hobby shop in town was closing to remodel, and since my dad liked building models, they sold him a box of the models that did not sell well, and I picked out the helicopter to build. I was extra proud of it, it was hard to build with all the tiny pieces, and in one afternoon my siblings broke it. I fixed it, but the rear rotor was off a bit and after that I told my parents that I would rather burn everything of interest in my room, than to let the beasts touch and break it. My parents took the hint, and my stuff was safe from then on, as I was given carte blanche to knock them on their asses if I caught them in my room.

So when they were beating on my door to get to my candy, my father, who's patience was worn very thin stomped up the stairs and grabbed them up and put them in their rooms until they calmed down. My mom with the patience of a saint had gathered all of the insane amount of chocolate that was dropped on us and put it in the deep freezer where the hellions cant find it.

She was honest of course and dished it out in small amounts upon request, but once they were sick of it, then my mom's creativity shined...

Mom's Heavenly Hash:

1 pkg of marshmallows
1/2 stick of real butter unsalted
1/2 can of sweetened condensed milk
3 cups of chopped up chocolate candy.
1 cup of rice cereal, like rice crispies or rice chex

Heat and blend marshmallows and butter

Blend in milk once marshmallows are melted and stir in chopped up candy.



Once blended, spread on a parchment lined pan, and chill in fridge for an hour, or freezer for thirty minutes.

Makes a wonderful treat for the excess candy, my mom would make variety batches based on how much of a type of chocolate was left over, like peanut butter and peanut kind, or mint.

Basically its a trash hash but with yummy candy, mom served it when her friends would come, or make it for us when there was absolutely no other snack in the house. It keeps well if frozen.

[Writers Bloque]

Summer Sizzle Lemonade.

My mother when she started setting up at the farmers market to sell her handmade windchimes, I would often help on Saturday mornings. But what I did not notice was the fact that my mom was a networking genius. The trading she would do would put straw millionaire to shame. At the market there was this man who later moved to be closer to family, who sold home made salsa, and other things. But the biggest thing he had which turned out to be the best thing ever on a hot day....

Lemonade.

But this was not any ordinary lemonade, no, this was something wholly exotic, like never done before.

And when I helped him pack up for the final time, he gave me the recipe, since I was buying the lemonade by many bottles.

The recipe.

Make lemonade to your taste, but make sure you can still taste the lemons.

For a two quart jug you will need

4 decent sized Jalapeno's cut into rings.

Make the lemonade and add the Jalapenos and let sit in fridge over night.

Its lemonade with a kick of spicy. The citric acid cuts a lot of the heat, but you still get the kick, a must in these hot days to come.

[Writers Bloque]

Mom's Super Bowl Savior Dip.

My mom made this dip, that was insanely good and equally versatile. But many years, us boys and man would go to the churches men's groups super bowl party.

But this one year, things did not go so well.

Dad had to work that night, right after the game. This was a male bonding thing, as the boys could talk to dad about the pains and trials of growing up male. But this year.

This year, the churches second sanctuary was being fumigated, so there would be no party. GF's mom was out of town visiting her sick grandmother, and GF's father was stuck at the shop fixing the last of a security company's fleet of cars. So GF was with me, and normally my mom would take the girls out for a girls night. Not going to happen. My aunts were sick and cousins studying for college exams or something. My mom was also not feeling good, so the ladies of the family went to the living room to watch some rented movies, and GF who liked football, but not the teams playing decided to forego any secret making out sessions to watch romance movies she swore she would never be caught dead watching.

We had snacks, but nothing substantial, because normally if we watched it at home we all filled up on snacks and that was a meal. But my mom could not let us go out hungry like that, so she made the second best thing to cross your taste buds ever.

The Dip as she called it.

1 box of Velveeta cheese
1 package of shredded Monterrey Jack cheese
1 small brick of Pepperjack cheese.
1 and a half cup of milk
3 tbs butter
1 sausage. I do not specify what kind, because the recipe works with anything classically defined as a sausage. Mom used sliced smoked sausage the first time she made it, and when I make it I use the tube sausage, spicy.
1 pkg onion soup mix
2 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
1 dash of soy
1 dash of hot sauce
1 can of that tomato and pepper blend
1 half pound of bacon fried, drained and crumbled
half a cup of chopped green onions
sour cream to garnish.

Not much to do to prep, except use a crock pot.

add the cheeses, milk and butter to the crock pot.
when the cheese melts add cooked sausage and sauces.
when that cooks a bit, cook the bacon and add it.
Around twenty minutes, add everything else but the green onions and sour cream.

let cook another ten minutes, and simmer for an hour longer on low.

Serve with tortilla chips, flatbread, or oddly over egg noodles for a meal.

I tend to serve it with Melba toast or on lightly toasted Italian bread. its a mystery as to why this works and is supremely delicious.

[Writers Bloque]

The Legendary Chili Fiesta Stix

A staple of every middle/high schooler back in the day.

It was a flour tortilla filled with a filling of beef and something else.

Schools served it covered in chili and with fries, and a chef salad.

MAN I loved the fuck out of them. GF could only eat one, and that was fine, as she would give me her other one.

You got two of them. Me, I skipped them pouring chill on them, even though it is good that way, Instead I would have the chili poured onto the fries, and pay a dollar to hit the real salad bar. Our school had a salad bar you could pay a dollar to hit up, or used your free lunch thing on.

I would get cheese to top the fries, and ranch to top the stix.

But I could never find the company that made them, and then after some digging I found a recipe that almost matches them.


Chili fiesta stix

2 pounds of hamburger meat, browned, drained and finely grounded.
1 can of refried beans
1/2 cup of water. (only if the seasoning mix clumps or does not incorporate well)
2 packets of taco seasoning
Flour Tortillas. this batch makes eight regular tortilla sized sticks, more if you use the smaller, less if you go big.

Brown the meat, Drain, then add half of the can of beans and both packets of seasoning.

Simmer on medium heat.

Only add the water if the seasoning doesnt mix well.

Add the other half of the beans, mix well and let sit.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

you are not trying to make a burrito, so two scoops of the filling per tortilla, and roll into a stick.

For a crisper shell, no oil, but if you have to use oil, just a little will do.

Bake for ten minutes until golden brown.

The school used to lightly coat them with oil, but still I do not, as even after you drain the meat, and mix it together its good crispy.

Serve hot, with anything you think will be awesome. The also freeze good if you make a lot for later.