This is the true account of the events that lead to me being a father at 18/19.
All of it is true, but gilded with slight embellishments to accent the mood of what was going down.
The Characters:
Me (Writer)
My GF (soon to be wife, will be named Sandra to protect her identity.)
My Parents
Her Parents
A Sheriff's Deputy
A Drunk in the Holding Cell
The Youth Pastor.
Youth Pastor's hot wife.
Hindsight is always 20/20. It is not until we mature enough to recognize those "Holy Shit." moments where we fucked up, that we really feel the weight of the fuck up. Right now I am sitting in my office, while my wife, daughter, adopted daughter and their friends are washing my wife's car and generally enjoying the last of the summer fun. But looking back at the road I walked, Boy did I fuck up...
We lost the tub. Our football team was good, hoping to beat our rivals at the regional, and move on to state. But I was benched. Not going to lie and say I was the star quarterback, beloved son of god or anything. Nope, I was just an offensive and defensive tackle. Not really vital. But what got me benched was the actions I took to defend the Tub. The night before, it was a tradition for the rival team to steal the Tub back. But that night, I sat with some other second stringers, and we guarded the Tub. The tradition was stupid, going back to the depression when the two high schools would have to share the single wash tub or something, despite both schools being a few miles apart. But it was an object to be guarded, and well this was my first of many fuck ups.
It was the dumbest shit I ever did. You pass by the display case in the school every day to see the stupid wash tub. It looked like any wash tub you could find anywhere. So I took the one my mom was going to use to plant flowers in, because my youngest siblings outgrew splashing around in it. I realized that it was copper too late in the game, as the rival school showed up to sneak in. Why they could sneak into a school with alot of expensive shit lying around, was foreign to me. But it was tradition, and down here you lived and died by them. So my dumbass self along with my teammate had stolen the coaches golf cart, and I was going to lead them into the trap the team constructed in the bowl. No lights down there made it pretty dark at night. We were going to lead them down there and spray them with fire hoses. Dumb shit. So I shouted at them about having the tub, and of course they chased us right down into the bowl (stadium built into the ground.)
Getting them to follow was easy, escaping was the hard part, as the golf cart, unknown to me at the time, was almost out of juice. Right. So we run around like a comedy sketch, avoiding them, and the water hoses, when I slip and trip. They were pissed off, and beating me and my team mate like we owed them money. The rest of the team stopped spraying and it became a rumble. A few minutes later, the lights in the stadium flick on, and it was the principle, coaches, and school resource officer. Lets just say we all were fucked royally and superbly. In the end, I took one for the team, got benched and three weeks of ISS (In school suspension.) which means I get to sit in an empty class all day, and my lunch brought to me for three weeks. Fun. But my coolness points shot up. I was invited to parties, cheerleaders would talk to me, even though I had a steady girlfriend. I was no rock star, but I did not have to fight for a place in line for lunch later. I mean some of the guys who would have gotten in trouble were being scouted and even if I did not want to pursue a career of throwing and catching and running and smashing into people, I should not let their lives get fucked for a stupid tradition. So I took the rap, got benched, and promptly sat out the big game. Fortunately for me, no one in my family showed up to watch me ride the bench, and well I could not give any kind of fuck if we won or lost.
So after the game, I stripped down, pretended to be defeated, tried cheering everyone up, and decided to say fuck it, and leave. I got into my car, in MY parking space as a senior, and the fact I paid the ten bucks for that spot to be named mine. Like a boss. It was October, the air was cooler, but not cold. I sat in my car as everyone was busy leaving, and then I heard her.
My gf did that stupid shit. She would sneak into my car just to sleep at the games, waiting for me to get finished being manly or some shit. It used to startle me, but tonight, I was ready for it. Tonight I would teach her a sexy lesson. My gf/wife could sleep through anything, except her babies crying. But other than that, she was a heavy sleeper. So I stop by our favorite burger spot, grab a late dinner, and drive us to our normal make out spot. I pull in quietly, as per the rules of the place, coast into a spot, and make little noise. I broke the one rule, by stepping out of my car to have a smoke. She of course was still asleep, so I sat on my car smoking into the cool night air. But the way she remembers it, she was never asleep, she was waiting to pounce on me. But got scared when I did not go directly to the make out spot.
From the inside I heard her tear into her dinner, which of course was the biggest, greasiest, fully loaded burger, and fries. Her obligatory chocolate milkshake too. At that point, all I knew of women was that their bellies had to be full for their pussies to want to work. I let her eat, not really hungry myself. Kind of felt like shit, realizing that I played myself just to help some assholes who would later not even remember me at our class reunions. I walk to the "Message" board, which was a tree where we who used the make out spot would go to piss, and leave messages for each other. One message stood out, as it was fresh. "Fri nite Rai" was carved in the trunk, big enough to see. I figured it was a party invite, but it did not say where it was happening. Sometimes you would find invites like that on the board, for open parties. But they were almost always either traps, or lame parties thrown by desperate people.
I head back to my car, to find my gf naked, with her feet on the dash, frigging herself royally. I open the passenger door as I slip out of my clothes and join her. Ever been in the kind of mood, where you want to fuck so bad, but you are not feeling it entirely? Yeah, that was the first inkling I had that I should not have fucked her that night.
And fucked her I did. I had her riding me cowgirl style, because my beat up chevelle just did not have the fuck room I wanted. She was completely in it, which was a little odd, as normally we fuck, she gets hers and I fill a condom with mine. But I did not have any, and she swore to heaven itself that it was her safe day. But she was fucking me like a mad woman, I would come, and she would stay on me until I was ready to go again. and again, and again. By the time I broke my all time record for nuts busted in a single day, the dash clock said 4 a.m. Holy fucking shit. We were fucked emperor style.
And to make matters worse, that message came back to haunt me...
It was a raid. If I listened to the news on t.v. and papers, and all that, I would have known the county was clearing out spots like that because of drug dealers, and prostitution. As we finally decoupled, she resting in the back seat, leaking the proof of our love all over my fake leather back seat, I seen the blue lights coming up the road. A lot of them. I had no other choice but to give up. Not. This is me, the ultimate dumbass youth here, remember? I jump into my driver seat, my poor wang rubbed on the seat, which hurt a little. My Gf telling me she can't get caught out here like this. I want to make it known, that the clock in my car was two hours off, so technically it was 2 a.m. But still, "You are fucked." hour. Everyone in the area decided to try and leave at once, and in the confusion I took off down towards the illegal dump road. I knew from there I could hit hwy 98, and be home free. Or so I thought.
You would think that side hidden roads in the woods would be a hush hush secret, right? wrong. I was chased by a cop and two unmarked vehicles for about two miles going in the wrong direction of the highway. I knew the area, so I figured I could out pace the deputies car, go through the woods that exited on a nature trail, before they put in the walkways, and head home quickly and quietly. I lost the deputy and the cars following him. Might be faster and more cunning than the police, but you will never outrun a motorola. I was out of the woods and had to get gas, so I pulled into the tom thumb near my folks house, and I pumped gas, as apparently escaping the police made my gf extra super duper horny. When she tells the story, it sounds like I was doing every car chase from every action movie at once. Fuck that shit. My car was not the best, it was my slap dash effort to keep it moving, and we were not on pavement, but dirt. I was inside paying for my gas my gf was pumping it, being a little lewd while doing so, when I look over and she is arguing with some people at the pumps. At that moment, a deputy pulls into the parking in front of the store, and I knew I was fucked.
Remember those two unmarked vehicles? Yeah, my parents and her parents were on a double date. My dad had traded his firday night shift to his buddy at work for his sunday night shift, so my parents and her parents could have a date night. Curfew, motherfuckers, do you know it? Ours was midnight, my tires had to be in the driveway before 12:01 am. At 12:01, I would be reported as deceased, as my mom and dad would murder me. Her parents too. Apparently, they were in the know about the legendary make out spot, and were hoping to relive their youth by making out there. But when they got there, the deputies were gathering at the entrance. So they held back, and waited. Hoping me and her would not be dumb enough to be in there. Surprise! We were.
I grab my drink, and walk out like nothing was wrong, in my usual "I am so fucked, but lets try to play it off." manner. I hand my girl her drink, put my shirt on, and then proceed to get my ass beaten by my father and her father. They both stomped several new assholes and mud holes into me. The deputy just sat back and watched. I could not fight back. They were beating me with more life experience in fighting, than I could hope to muster. Face down at the pumps, I was arrested. Instead of throwing the full book at me, I caught a misdemeanor for public nudity. Like I said before, they were not after people fucking, but drugs and hookers. She did not get arrested, her dad and my dad were best friends, but her dad was pissed, as she smelled of cheap burgers and loads of sex. So I got to spend the night in jail where I met a drunk old man who taught me the facts of life from the cell across the hall.
I had given my girl the keys to my car, so she could get home, as I was not leaving it there. She left shortly before I did, as they released her. She drove to her house, where from what I was told, she got a big lecture on curfew and poor life choices. Saturday Morning. I was released, ticketed for the misdemeanor, and talked to by the youth pastor and his wife. I sat on the curb, fished out a smoke, and waited for my gf to pick me up. "You should not smoke. That's another charge right there." The deputy, who was clocked out said, joining me on the bench out front of the county jail said. (Technically I was seventeen, turning eighteen in November, the next month.) "Yeah, but I just had one hell of a night." I said. The deputy laughed. "You do know, that I would have just sent you away with a warning, since you were not doing drugs or using a hooker, right?" He said lighting his own smoke. "The thought never crossed my mind." I said honestly. "Yeah, we were not there for make outs, just drugs and hookers. You would have gotten a warning, and sent home. But the level of mad your dad and her dad were, I felt bad, so I took you in for your safety." He said. "Yeah, after they laid me out for the world to see." I spat, blowing smoke, as my face and body were still sore. "You kind of deserved it." "Yeah I know." our conversation went like that for another few minutes before he left to go home. I would be waiting for her for another hour before she showed up.
We kissed, licked each others wounds and cursed the system, our parents, and the world. We drove around, with no real destination, wasting gas, and time. I was lucky they did not pull my license, I was damned lucky that it was county, and not city police. But it was around four in the afternoon when I dropped her off. Apparently, we can still date, but our dates until they can trust us again will be chaperoned by my cousin, and her cousin, both total goodie two shoes. They were dating too, so they were oh so eager to join us in my car...
One month later.....
A week before my birthday, our parents let up on us dating, so we could go out again, but had to be home by midnight, and if something was to happen, call them to let them know. It was a chilly Saturday. Not bone chilling cold, but summer was gone for good. We got sent on errands for our parents, as my mom was hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year for family and friends, so that means my mom divided the massive shopping between me, her and my dad. My siblings were divided by usefulness so my mom and dad had their own group of helpers. Eliza, my girlfriends life long friend was joining us, and they were fucking around in the back seat. Making out, and trying to get me hot and bothered while I was driving. Oh and thanks to my daring escape, I had to replace the CV joint in my car. Fun. So we were out shopping, as GF had her hand in Eliza's pants, she chirps up "Hey, you know that thing?" "What thing, baby?" I asked.
"That thing that girls get."
"Kind of, what's wrong?"
"I did not get it."
"Say what?"
"Yeah, I took a test and everything."
"So you'e..."
"Yup, Daddy!"
I nearly wrecked us as I fought to keep us moving. I pulled into a parking lot.
That moment, looking back, I knew I done fucked up. Any regrets? Nope, at least its a hell of a memory.