It’s none of my fucking business, but

[MissBarbara]

With each new generation I am seeing less bigotry and more tolerance towards others. It gives me faith in the human race.

That's undeniably true, and very worth noting.

However, at the risk of beating this point to death, it cuts two ways. Today -- and especially among younger people -- there's a hyper-emphasis on topics relating to gender and sexuality, and kids are bombarded with information and opinions on these subjects. As a result, it "forces" kids as young as 13 or 14 to label themselves and place themselves in little boxes. To Toe's point, they're forced to label themselves with regards to their gender and sexuality -- at a time in their lives when virtually everything is uncertain.

As you know, there is one KB member who, from a relatively early age, believed she was gay, and identified as gay. And then, in her late teens, she discovered she wasn't. I assume she went through a process of self-discovery, and it's a great thing that she got to the point where she more fully understood herself, and accepted herself. Every young person should be in a position to feel perfectly free to go through that process of self-discovery, and to take as much time as they need to get there.

I can't emphasize enough how vital it is that young people are free to undertake their journey of self-discovery. It's unarguably true that both the information available to them today and, in many circles, the freedom to "be different" is a huge help. But, as I said, it can have deleterious effects, especially in the way it might force them to "declare" their gender and/or sexual orientation when they are completely incapable of doing so. The first part of "coming out" is "coming out" to oneself, of truly understanding oneself.

Perhaps most important, the journey takes time. That was true with our fellow KB member I mentioned above, and it was certainly true with me. Though it's now been about 25 years since I was in my mid-teens (and, believe me, that's a very sobering thought), and the atmosphere has changed dramatically in the interim, I'm very grateful for the fact that I was able to take my own journey and in my own time. It took me man years to get to the point where I truly understood myself, I was comfortable with who I am, and I was comfortable being who I am.

Ironically, there's another potential downside to this phenomenon. In places where "alternative" genders and sexualities are promoted and celebrated, there's the potential for straight people -- and especially straight guys -- to be denigrated, or at least be looked askance at. While decidedly ironic, it's a potential problem. If all genders and all sexualities should be celebrated, then that should include both heterosexuality and cis-gender males.

There are people who argue that straight men have dominated the culture for centuries, and enforced the notion that they are the norm. In fact, I know people in real life who argue that. But I reject that notion out of hand. Bias is bias, and prejudice is prejudice, and every form of bias or prejudice is wrong.

Sorry for rambling...

[_priapism]

It took me man years to get to the point where I truly understood myself, I was comfortable with who I am, and I was comfortable being who I am.

And we all change with time. The person I am today, will not be the same person I am tomorrow. Nothing is static. Which is another danger playing the label game. 

[psiberzerker]

Nothing is static. Which is another danger playing the label game.  

Okay, there are periods of stasis, and periods of change.  Change isn't a constant, and sexuality can change, over your lifetime.  There's also the myth that "You're born that way."  Okay, some people are, or at least start feeling different around age 6 (On average) while others change over time...

Labels are just how we think, and aren't bad, in and of themselves.  "Can you hand me that..."

"What?  Apple, pipe wrench, quart of KY?"

That's what labels are for, but we have assumptions that an apple is sweet, and not sour.  The pipe wrench isn't for turning my tobacco pipe, and KY isn't for medical examinations.

Ignorance is bad, but unavoidable, because nobody can know it all.  Labels are just neutral.  There's good labels, and bad labels, but none truly describes what they refer to in totality.  They're just shorthand, so we know whether they're pointing to the pipe wrench, or the apple.

[MissBarbara]

It took me man years to get to the point where I truly understood myself, I was comfortable with who I am, and I was comfortable being who I am.

And we all change with time. The person I am today, will not be the same person I am tomorrow. Nothing is static. Which is another danger playing the label game. 

Exactly.

And I've long appreciate the honesty with which you have described your likes, turn-ons, etc. on the board. I mean, you're a straight guy, but you clearly appreciate a nice-looking cock when you see one. That mean's you're not straight. Or perhaps you're bisexual. Or maybe you're a suppressed gay man. Or pansexual, or ambisexual, or multisexual, or some other thing.

Or maybe it means you're Toe, and you like what you like, appreciate what you appreciate, and get turned on by what you get turned on by. And you're comfortable liking what you like, and you're unashamed to express your likes in the face of others who might judge you or label you for it. That's insanely healthy, both physically and emotionally.

You posted this picture this morning:



While I'll admit that that gif does absolutely nothing for me, I'm no longer offended or repulsed by it. To be clear: I'd never, ever want something like that in, on, or anywhere near me. But I feel compelled to admit that it is, if nothing else, somewhat impressive.

[_priapism]

I mean, you're a straight guy, but you clearly appreciate a nice-looking cock when you see one. That mean's you're not straight. Or perhaps you're bisexual. Or maybe you're a suppressed gay man. Or pansexual, or ambisexual, or multisexual, or some other thing.

Or maybe it means you're Toe, and you like what you like, appreciate what you appreciate, and get turned on by what you get turned on by.

I will take that last one.  My wife and I are sexually flexible and somewhat ambiguous.  We both get off on fantasies involving all types of sexual encounters, straight, gay, bi, etc..., which is ideal, because no one gets jealous, or offended, or judgmental.  If I tell her about taking a cock up my ass while she watches, she’ll have a big orgasm.  I have never had one there, nor do I particularly want to, but I am comfortable enough with my own sexuality to verbalize the thought without worrying about what anyone thinks.  

This is probably what makes KB a good community for me, because I can say things here I would not say in RL, because most mofos are wound entirely too tight, and flip out over nothing on a regular basis.  Probably tell me I need to have “The Spirit of Lust & Masturbation” cast out of me, like my youth pastor did, when I was 17.



“But that’s my favorite spirit.”  

[psiberzerker]

I agree, when it comes to writing, and joking about stuff on KB that you wouldn't IRL.  This isn't real life, and honestly an escape from places where you'll be judged for being such a pervert.

Here, we celebrate perversity.  Probably why there's no kids around, so we can kid around.