So yesterday we learned that serial abuser Donald Trump endorsed serial abuser Toy Moore for the Alabama Senate seat. No surprise there: “Birds of a feather …” and all.
We also learned the justification for Roy Moore’s stalking / hitting on / molesting underage girls back in the ‘70s. This comes to us from an evangelical Christian preacher named Flip Benham.
It seems that by the time Moore went to West Point and served in the Army, including in Vietnam (subtext: the man is a patriot and supports the military), and then went to law school, all the eligible young ladies of legal age were already married or spoken for (subtext: Moore was therefore a victim). So ol' Roy had no choice but to dip into the pedo pool to find girls to date (with their parents’ permission of course – except for 14-year-old Leigh Corfman’s mother).
That doesn’t quite square with my recollection of those days. I too went to college, then served in the military, then went to graduate school. Like Moore, I was 29 by the time I received my degree (JD for him, PhD for me).
But my recollection is that there was pussy galore for any person in my position who wasn’t a self-important, self-righteous, self-indulgent, self-absorbed asshole. That was true in Alabama, it was true in Pennsylvania (which, outside the cities, resembles Alabama in many ways); it was true everywhere.
And you didn’t find those young ladies by cruising the mall or lurking at teen-girl dance recitals. You found them on campuses, in offices, at sporting events … everywhere.
Anyway, back to parents’ permission. This gives me a great idea: how about, instead of saying “Thank you for your service” to veterans, why not just offer up one of your teenage daughters instead?
DAD: “Hey Roy, in honor of your service, take my 16-year-old daughter. She’s yours with my permission!”
ROY: “Uhh, thanks but I think her boobs are kinda big …”
DAD: “No problem, my aging hero … take the 12-year-old instead, with my blessing; her boobs just started growing a few months ago. And there ain't much grass on the ball field, either... If you get my drift.”
Think of the benefits: military enlistments would soar! People would re-enlist, just to keep wearing the uniform! No young lady with an age past double-digits would ever have to sit home on Saturday night ever again!
Whaddaya think?
And HAPPY THANKSGIVING!