Random Sexual Thoughts

[_priapism]

My mom is an RN, who was suspiciously fond of giving me testicular exams.  She had a little wicker stool she’d sit on, that left my cock and balls right at eye level.  She’d make me pull down my jeans and tighty whites, then she’d stroke my shaft and feel my balls.  She’d roll each carefully between her fingers, while she said she felt no unusual masses or lumps.  I’d be at half mast by then, and she’d get a washcloth soapy with Phisoderm and wash my cock, taking special care to clean my schmeg and foreskin.  She’d peel it back, making my purple glans pop out.  That would usually make my cock rock hard and throbbing.  Mom would comment that my erection was normal, and would get a tape measure out to record my length and girth.  This would go on for an impossibly long time, until I was leaking pre-cum profusely and about to pass out.  Then she’d just pat my cock unexpectedly, and tell me to pull my pants up.  The exam was over.  I’m fairly sure she rubbed one out the minute I left the room.  I know I did.

[psiberzerker]

My mom worked the ER at Spahn Hospital.  She had stories too.  

This was in the 70s, so there was one guy that passed out at a discotech, because he had on tight pants with a polish sausage taped over his Femoral Artery.  Tight enough to cut off circulation, until he fainted.  (The femoral at the top of the thigh is about as big around as your pinkie, and carries enough blood flow for you to bleed out in seconds if it's completely severed.)

There was an old lady that came in complaining of feminine odor.  Turned out the sulfurous stench came from a hard boiled egg that had gotten lost up there, quite some time ago.  (Apparently, she forgot how many she had been playing with.)

A couple, she describes as being "Of the well-tanned persuasion," had to be talked out of naming their newborn daughter Placenta.  Since they'd heard it at some point during Labor, and thought that sounded like a pretty name.  

[RopeFiend]

I heard the first one (disco dy-no-mite) in the '70s or '80s; the mechanism of discovery  was a broken leg after slipping from the disco floor, and the EMTs cut his pants off.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/cuke-of-earl/

Mom was an RN and told me that you'd bleed out in about 2 minutes from a peripheral artery laceration, not seconds.  She'd worked in ERs for years as well as a number of other places over her career, so I'll trust her.  She'd said it's exceedingly rare to die from an artery laceration unless you nail the carotid arteries or puncture the torso and hit one of the interior arteries.  I asked mom LOTS of "what if" first-aid questions over the years. ;-)

I'm not a doctor, but I *did* stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

[psiberzerker]

Mom was an RN and told me that you'd bleed out in about 2 minutes from a peripheral artery laceration, not seconds.

Seconds to a couple minutes depending on several factors, like muscular pressure, bleedway opening (How wide the hole is to the inside of the thing) worse case scenario, if you try to run, because you're being chased by an ax murderer, it can bleed out in seconds.  Okay, Tens of seconds, not single digits, to get more accurate within an Order of Magnitude.

According to my EMT trainer, and my military fields manual.

[e_monster]

There was an old lady that came in complaining of feminine odor.  Turned out the sulfurous stench came from a hard boiled egg that had gotten lost up there, quite some time ago.  (Apparently, she forgot how many she had been playing with.)

Oh, wow...

[staci]

Mom was an RN and told me that you'd bleed out in about 2 minutes from a peripheral artery laceration, not seconds.

Seconds to a couple minutes depending on several factors, like muscular pressure, bleedway opening (How wide the hole is to the inside of the thing) worse case scenario, if you try to run, because you're being chased by an ax murderer, it can bleed out in seconds.  Okay, Tens of seconds, not single digits, to get more accurate within an Order of Magnitude.

According to my EMT trainer, and my military fields manual.

even faster if you are hanging upside down by your feet. All runs down, you see.

Hard boiled egg? Forgot how many she was playing with? Were they peeled? Where's my snopes?

[psiberzerker]

even faster if you are hanging upside down by your feet. All runs down, you see.

Not from the heart.  You actually want to elevate the limb above the heart, and apply pressure.  So it has to pump ^UP against gravity.  The femorals are below the heart, standing up.

Again, citing my EMT instructor, and Army Field Manual. 

Also, when she was a candystriper (Late 60s) she was sent to get a "Neck Tourniquet."  Those were just the 3 Sexual stories, there's ton's more.  But when I got to the jobsite, and the Forman said "This stud's got a hook to it, run down to the truck, and get me the board straighter" I didn't fall for it.  At Hardee's, it was a "Left handed spatula."

I guess you're going to want snopes on my personal experiences now?

[Katiebee]

My dad said firing line and shot group tightener were favorites in the Army.

[psiberzerker]

shot group tightened

I have never heard this phrase, used this way, or anything like it.  Tighter groupings, yeah.  Accuracy is stressed on the firing line to minimise misses, but I have literally no idea what "Shot Group Tightened" means.  

You should see the USMC rifle qualifiers!  When I was in training at Quantico (As a Fluid Power Systems technician, I had to work on All land vehicles with Hydraulic/Pneumatic components, and the Marines are the other primary Infantry force) I heard about it, and had access to their ranges.  So, I went out, and boned up on my M-4 Carbine.  Let me tell you 1: It's tough, and B:  Those guys can fucking shoot!

[Elizabeth]

My dad said firing line and shot group tightened were favorites in the Army.

From Helicopter Squadron Jargon (Thanks Dad).

" Go Get A Bucket Of Prop Wash"
" We Need About 6 Feet Of Flight Line"
"FUBAR" <--- Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition
"SNAFU" <--- Situation Normal, All Fucked Up
"BOHICA" <-- Bend Over, Here It Come Again

LOL....how come military guys always come up with weird jargon..??

Love,
Liz

[Jed_]

shot group tightened

I have never heard this phrase, used this way, or anything like it.  Tighter groupings, yeah.  Accuracy is stressed on the firing line to minimise misses, but I have literally no idea what "Shot Group Tightened" means.  You should see the USMC rifle qualifiers!

If semantics are being debated, tight groups is precision.  Accuracy is hitting what you aim at.  Precision is a reflection of the shooter’s ability and the equipment, while accuracy is adjusting your sights.  Yeah I know nearly everyone that shoots refers to tight groups as accuracy, but they also use accuracy and precision synonymously, when they are two different things.

Katie clearly means that one shot group was tighter than a previous group, her (or someone’s) shooting precision increased.

[psiberzerker]

LOL....how come military guys always come up with weird jargon..??

Honestly, we have a remarkable amount of time on our hands.  We sing songs about the few minutes of terror, but the way we're kept, and deployed, every day was hours of waiting for a few minutes of terror.

For example, you stand there on the firing line for about 20-40 minutes, waiting for your chance to empty a magazine, and then go wait for your group to come back.  So, we shoot the shit more than anything else.

Oh yeah.  Jed's right, Precision shooting =/= Accuracy, but people say "Accuracy" because it's faster than "Precision Shooting," or "Shot Groups Tightened."

[Jed_]

Btw, my understanding of accuracy vs precision comes from the lab and running assays.  If you are analyzing something quantifiable, there is a ‘true’ quantity you are trying to determine.  If your result approaches that theoretical ‘true’ value, your result is accurate.  An assay that gives repeatable and reproducible results or nearly the same result each time you test the same sample, it’s termed precision.  You want to know both for an assay you rely on, it’s accuracy across a range of quantities and it’s precision across that range.

Want to know the difference between repeatability and reproducibility?

[psiberzerker]

Btw, my understanding of accuracy vs precision comes from the lab and running assays.  If you are analyzing something quantifiable, there is a ‘true’ quantity you are trying to determine.  If your result approaches that theoretical ‘true’ value, your result is accurate.  An assay that gives repeatable and reproducible results or nearly the same result each time you test the same sample, it’s termed precision.  You want to know both for an assay you rely on, it’s accuracy across a range of quantities and it’s precision across that range.

Want to know the difference between repeatability and reproducibility?

It's also used in Robotics.  As it applies to Industrial Automation, there's 2 ways to fit a tab into a slot:  Active Compliance guides it in carefully with sensors, and a Master/slave servo loop.  The other way is with hard stops to put the part in position, then jiggle it around, and jam it home.

That's called Forced Compliance.  (Or in cockney slang, "Bodging.")

Now, about those Random Sexual Thoughts...

[Katiebee]

shot group tightened

I have never heard this phrase, used this way, or anything like it.  Tighter groupings, yeah.  Accuracy is stressed on the firing line to minimise misses, but I have literally no idea what "Shot Group Tightened" means.  

You should see the USMC rifle qualifiers!  When I was in training at Quantico (As a Fluid Power Systems technician, I had to work on All land vehicles with Hydraulic/Pneumatic components, and the Marines are the other primary Infantry force) I heard about it, and had access to their ranges.  So, I went out, and boned up on my M-4 Carbine.  Let me tell you 1: It's tough, and B:  Those guys can fucking shoot!

auto-correct decided tightened was more correct than tightener.

[psiberzerker]

So yeah.  I go through fetishistic cycles, and lately it's been ball sucking, for some reason.  Okay, I just spent half a week cleaning up after the shitty power crew leaving privet all over the yard.  And getting my balls sucked.

 

[wayne3218]

So yeah.  I go through fetishistic cycles, and lately it's been ball sucking, for some reason.  Okay, I just spent half a week cleaning up after the shitty power crew leaving privet all over the yard.  And getting my balls sucked.

 

[_priapism]

So yeah.  I go through fetishistic cycles, and lately it's been ball sucking, for some reason.  Okay, I just spent half a week cleaning up after the shitty power crew leaving privet all over the yard.  And getting my balls sucked.

 

Analingus.  Rim jobs.  Tongue wiggling in the dirt hole.  This is a friend’s fetish also, so we have been swapping ribald fantasies about spreading cheeks and violating the brownie maker.

[psiberzerker]

Analingus. 

Me too, I can eat ass for hours, and also navalingus.  Eating out the belly button, for much the same reasons.  It's also cleaner, and somewhat easier access most of the time.  I especially enjoyed this one guy that liked to cum all over my chest, neck, and down my body while I ate out his belly.

[staci]

TMI