TIL 3 things:
Esquire is a title only allowed to be used by attorneys that passed law school and the bar exam for that state. So I wonder if I can call PH, PornHubby Esquire?
Halloween Candy Mating Season is the three days after the holiday. We had 10 bags, I passed out 4 of them, and yesterday when I got home from work we have 12, plus four others in the deep freezer. Either something is going on, a.k.a Attack of the Halloween Candy, or some people are looking for a rude awakening in a couple of weeks on the scale in the bathroom. But I just don't get it.
I Learned this morning that I cannot "grease the wheels and palms" with left over candy, even if it is the good stuff, even if my boss is on her cheat day, but a full sized box of godiva chocolates *may* fetch me a single "get out of jail free" card.
What happened:
I come into work in a dopey, happy go lucky mood, since I got some last night, feeling alright. Before the elevator starts to move up, I get a text from a sales floor manager cussing me out because half of the direct sales showroom is empty. I kindly replied that it was not my monkey, not my circus, which pisses him off deeply, so he marches all the way across the property to confront me directly. I passed the paperwork up the chain for the sale, like I was supposed to. The problem was he wanted his name on it to score a part of the commission, which would to me be a dick move towards the nice out of college girl who made the sale, on a saturday, half an hour before closing. She put the time and work in, staying late to make sure everything went smoothly, and calling me for help. So he storms into my office, nearly knocking over one of the new OJT girls who was filing files away with my secretary. That shit does not fly even with jets and wings. I picked up my heavy coffee cup when my boss was confronting him in my office and was going to bash the back of his skull in. My boss told him to report to HR in half an hour, while taking my mug out of my hand. So I pulled out a bowl of candy and tried to make a deal, just one good whack with the mug and she gets all the chocolate. She said no and took my mug until the end of the day. I am not allowed out of my office until he returns to Direct Sales.
So I go to HR. because they called me too. I carry the bowl of candy with me. HR lady said for the bowl, I can slap him. But I am not a slapper. So I had to write this douchebag up, for trying to weasel in on a sale that he had no part of, and then I was put on notice that if I am seen with a heavy object outside of my office, I am to be returned to my office and enrolled into the forced overtime program. Also she did not think my joke referencing my penis being a heavy object was funny. That earned me a mandatory sensitivity training course next month. Fun.