Quick update on my friend's situation from a couple weeks back. I spoke to one of my old friends last week to get the details. It was crazier than I knew.
Before our friend Ann (fake names, obviously) died, she told Mary, one of her closest friends for 30 years going back to elementary school, that she didn't want a fancy funeral, just have a small party for her where everyone could laugh and have fun. She didn't care about being buried or cremated, but leaned toward cremation because it's cheaper. Ann told Mary this less than a week before she died.
When our friend Ann died, her family contacted their extended family about it but none of her friends. The friends only found out from her fiance. Keep in mind that Ann's mom was supposed to be like a mother to Mary and Ann's other friends, at least that's how Mary described it. Ann's family came from far and wide, some even coming from down in Louisiana to come up and pay their respects. We're in the Rust Belt. They had a small church ceremony (Ann was Agnostic leaning toward Atheist) and only invited a couple of 'Ann's closest friends' to come over to her house for the wake. We only know of one 'friend' that was invited and she is a total bible-thumping kiss ass.
If that wasn't bad enough, the family turned Ann's wake into a barbecue and pool party. Yes, a pool party. For the wake of their daughter/sister/fiancé/mother/cousin/etc.
Now, knowing how Ann's wishes were for a small get together for family and friends, I could almost make sense of hanging out and a little frivolity. But with the way the family flipped their shit on Mary and Ann's other friends for wanting to remember her, I can't give them the benefit of the doubt. Not in the slightest.
You don't get to sit there and bitch about how people want to remember your sister 2 months later when you had a fucking pool party in her memory 3 days after she died.
The family also went on a blocking spree, cutting out anyone who spoke up against them. Mary sent around the text messages she had with Ann's family where they gave her permission to do this, and made it very clear that the family didn't have to pay a single cent. Instead, we're "heartless monsters" for not respecting how much pain they're in. Must've been one hell of a fucking sunburn from that pool party.
So, after talking with Mary and getting all of that, we all came up with the same idea. Have a party, don't invite any family members or anyone who was at the pool party. If they get invited, they'll snitch. Beside's Ann's name is nowhere near the invite. Everything is being done offline. I'm probably going to go and stop by for a bit. The only reason for the conditional statement is life happens.
Moral of the story: If your loved one dies, don't be a dick if people you don't invite to the 'official' mourning want to grieve in their own way. Be flattered that so many care enough to remember them, not a petty fuckface because "your in pain."