I'm once again dealing with the grieving dick-swinging contest surrounding an old friend who passed last month.
Short version, an old friend of mine died last month. We were friends all throughout high school, hung out as part of the same group. We went on a couple dates, but it didn't work out. Every time we were together we'd party, and things would get crazy when our group would get together. That was when we were teens to early twenties. Over time we drifted apart, but stayed in touch via social media. I moved across the city while her and a few of the rest of the group stayed in the same little shithole suburb we grew up in. She stayed in the same town, doing the same stuff over and over. She drank. A lot. While the rest of our group moved away and cut back on the partying, she kept going egged on by her 'family'. I never got along with her blood family. They reminded me too much of my own, and the less said about them the better. Eventually she falls into a depression where she drinks more and more which leads on to more depression to more drinking and so on until she's a full-blown alcoholic. Somehow she stayed sober during her pregnancy, but just barely. From what I understand she kept drinking until a short while ago when doctors discovered cirrhosis of the liver. She was sick for the last few weeks but didn't tell any of her friends. Her 'family' says she wanted it that way.
She died about a month ago right after her birthday in the early 40's, and her 'family' told her friends that they would have a celebration of life for her in the coming weeks, when everyone was ready. Turns out I wasn't the only friend who didn't get along with her family. They had a small ceremony consisting only of her mom, her brother and sister, a couple other relatives, and one friend who was a major kissass and born-again Christian. You know, the everyone darker than a latte is evil and my abortion is the only moral abortion kind of Christian. I tried to date her when we were younger. I was an idiot back then. Still am, but was then too.
In the U.S., a month is usually more than enough time to pull together a small memorial service. But since the family didn't say anything to any of the friends, two of her friends took matters into their own hands. They created a social media group for all of the deceased's friends and family and even booked a pavilion at her favorite park.
Well, no good deed goes unpunished with these fuckers.
The family immediately rips into the friends that organized this, calling them cold and callous. The boyfriend/fiance yelled at them for ignoring his feelings by saying he "wasn't ready" to do this. Her sister pulled the "grieve how you want" card but said no one can attend because they didn't want to see her friends and this isn't "what she wanted." This started a fight with a bunch of the friends who then asked when they could get together to grieve for their friend. This is when the kissass told the friends there already was a small service and only SHE was invited because the friend that died didn't want a big funeral. This caused a few more ugly arguments and one of the organizers sharing the text messages she had with the dead woman's family where they said this service and plan was a good idea as long as they didn't have to pay for it. The friends were going to pay and I was getting ready to call up a caterer friend of mine in the area. This caused a couple of the deceased's 'family' to call out more of the friends basically calling them liars and manipulative shits. A few other friends picked fights with the family about how much they missed their friend but because of their shitty behavior, they weren't allowed to mourn their friend together. Then the sister pulled the "we're in pain" card, as if she's the only person who lost someone.
Eventually the friends that created the group closed it, shutting the whole thing down. There's a lot of us that want to mourn our friend, but now if and when we do so it will be on our terms. Our group has lost too many friends too soon. We were ride or die back in the day. Hell, some girl tried picking a fight the deceased friend back in the day and I drove all of us an hour out of town to whoop some ass. Out of the 9 people in the car that night, only 4 of us are still here.
I'm a writer, so I will mourn her the best way I know. But I will remember how her 'family' lied to us, manipulated her, and treated us so badly. I will not forget how ugly they've become. At least I know who my future villains are. I have no compunction about taking their ugliness to a whole a new level.