What RUINED your day today?

[e_monster]

For my part, I just pretend all is fine while simultaneously walking on eggshells around her.

Years of this has pretty much wrecked my marriage.

[ChirpingGirl]

Coming to the realization that in one month my daughter will be 10. 

It seems like 5 minutes ago I was changing her diapers. Now she's reaching the point she doesn't need me around anymore. 

I went through it with my sister. She clung to me up until she was old enough to realize she could have a life of her own without me.

 

[_priapism]

I’m really depressed.

[ChirpingGirl]

I’m really depressed.  It just seems like a lot of not good things are coming to a boil at the same time.  On the other hand, I have a lot to be happy about, and the holidays are here.  So I feel guilty about being depressed too, which is even more depressing. I’m trying to make a perfect holiday for friends and family when all I can think about is putting a gun in my mouth. Does that make any sense?

Yes it does. CJ has been arguing with suicide since she was a toddler. 

[Jed_]

Are you seeing someone about this?  Asking as a concerned friend.

[ChirpingGirl]

Are you seeing someone about this?  Asking as a concerned friend.

CJ has a therapist. I suggest Toe get one too.

Or scream into a pillow, sometimes that helps.

I've tried and failed to kill myself. All the pain and bad memories could have been over with forever, but I still didn't do it. I tried to kill myself with drugs when I was a teenager. I tried to pull a trigger. I almost tried to fly without wings.

But I'm still here. And next month I see my baby turn 10 years old. If I had killed myself, she wouldn't be doing that.

[Jed_]

Or scream into a pillow, sometimes that helps.

Especially if I omit the lube.


I have a tough time with this subject.  My late wife attempted suicide several times, all while very intoxicated.  She failed every time until she didn’t.

I feel both very angry with her, and very guilty for not being there when she had the bright idea to wash down her entire pain med prescription with a bottle of Chardonnay.

I had her see a therapist several times, except they always insisted she quit drinking which she was unwilling to ever do.  I just forbade her from driving and rationed the pain meds until she figured out where I hid them.

Chirp and toe, you are not selfish people like my late wife.  Please keep your head on the positive, and always know there are people who care very much for you.

[_priapism]

I thank you all for your comments.

[Jed_]

I’m really depressed.

I’ve had a cold last few day, just been eating whatever we had around and things my Peruvian made.  That’s the same tonight, except I started tomorrow’s dinner.  I blanched some asparagus, baked a sweet potato and sautéed some spinach.  Tomorrow I will grill flank steak and the asparagus and make us small Caesar salads.

Cook something my friend, it’s damn fun and elevates our mood.

Edit:  posted before I saw you already have those plans.

[_priapism]

I’m really depressed.

I’ve had a cold last few day, just been eating whatever we had around and things my Peruvian made.  That’s the same tonight, except I started tomorrow’s dinner.  I blanched some asparagus, baked a sweet potato and sautéed some spinach.  Tomorrow I will grill flank steak and the asparagus and make us small Caesar salads.

Cook something my friend, it’s damn fun and elevates our mood.

Edit:  posted before I saw you already have those plans.

I made a really good beef Stroganoff last night, which was the first time I had cooked in a while.

Maybe something tonight.



I made pizza.  Simple, but it felt good.

[ChirpingGirl]

CJ wants pizza, can't have it. 

[e_monster]

...all of whom look to me to be their sword and their shield.  I am dealing with a lot of complicated legal and financial issues at the moment, none of which they know about or care to understand.  So I keep it all to myself, meanwhile they line up every night and ask the human ATM machine for money to pay for tuition, books, fees, phones, insurance, trips, clothing, entertainment etc., which only alienates me further.

Much the same here, although on a smaller scale.
 
Keep the faith, toe.

[_priapism]

Tomorrow is another day, and I feel much better now.  Amazing, because everything is *exactly* the same as it was this morning.  It is merely my perception of the problem has shifted somewhat.

I thank you again for your kind words and encouragement.

[watcher1]

CJ wants pizza, can't have it. 

Watcher tempts CJ with some famous Chicago style pizza. 

[ChirpingGirl]

I could drive to Chicago and get some, but I don't wanna get shot. Or worse. 

[_priapism]

May have been a premonition, or a self fulfilling prophecy.  I went into cardiac distress this morning, passed out, hit my head on the nightstand, and spent the day at the ER.  They did a full workup and say everything looks “normal.”  They insist I have a virus, because of nausea and vomiting, but I have no fever, no diarrhea, no other flu like symptoms. They are all young, not very bright, and reading off a script.  So I’m told I have a virus and am discharged with no aftercare instructions or follow up appointment.  Corporate medicine in America.

[RopeFiend]

You won't always have a fever with a viral infection.  The vomiting sounds more like bacterial, though; could also have been something you ate.

I had a REALLY bad lung infection 11 years ago that they suspected was viral, no fever to speak of for the first 3 1/2 weeks.  It was bad enough it'd have killed someone that wasn't in good shape.  At about the 3 1/2 week mark I suddenly had a fever of 108 that scared the shit out of me.  3 days of that burned the infection out.

No problems for me today. <fingers crossed>

[Jed_]

I’ve had a cold since early Tuesday.  There’s something going around here.  I saw one of my friends yesterday for the first time in a while.  He’s had a cold for weeks and was nearly hospitalized for it.

Sorry to hear about your ER trip, and I hope you’re feeling better soon.

[e_monster]

So I’m told I have a virus and am discharged with no aftercare instructions or follow up appointment.  Corporate medicine in America.

Leaves us with a hollow feeling, doesn't it?

[ObiDongKenobi]

Sorry to hear that you are poorly, Toe.  Hope it clears up soon.