Confessions

[IdleBoast]

I wear glasses.

Very few people know this.    I have started using reading glasses with more frequency.  44th bday hit and all of the sudden I can't flippin see what I want to read.

I also have contacts and glasses for driving at night.

I've worn glasses since I realised, 44 years ago, that I couldn't tell which way my blonde teachers were facing.

My wife wears glasses more and more, but not for reading - she just makes the text bigger on her kindle!

[vinney]

I wear glasses.

Very few people know this.    I have started using reading glasses with more frequency.  44th bday hit and all of the sudden I can't flippin see what I want to read.

I also have contacts and glasses for driving at night.

I've worn glasses since I realised, 44 years ago, that I couldn't tell which way my blonde teachers were facing.

My wife wears glasses more and more, but not for reading - she just makes the text bigger on her kindle!

No shame in wearing glasses... Some do, some go for contact lenses... What I hate is seeing those with visibly deficient sight carrying on and squinting at everything.

[MintJulie]

No shame in wearing glasses...

No, no shame.   It's that the eye-sight is going that I don't want to admit to.  Only 44 and I'm falling apart, I tell ya!

[RopeFiend]

Everyone gets more farsighted as they get older.  It's good that you're still getting older. 

I have you beat: for the last several months I have occasional-to-frequent vertical double vision.  They've run ALL sorts of tests and can't figure out why it's happening.  Some times I can see fine, some times the traffic light across the intersection is TWO lights separated by the width of the light.  When it's that bad, I can't read road signs even with squinting, and I'm flying purely by landmarks.  Ya gotta love it when your primary sense organ (or brain) is giving you erratic fits.

[ChirpingGirl]

CJ wore glasses. I looked soooooooo fucking cute.  

My sisters wifey wears them and she looks sooooooooooo fucking cute.  

Glasses are cute.   My sister told her wifey to never lose the glasses and the British accent.  

[JulesVern]

Everyone gets more farsighted as they get older.  It's good that you're still getting older. 

I have you beat: for the last several months I have occasional-to-frequent vertical double vision.  They've run ALL sorts of tests and can't figure out why it's happening.  Some times I can see fine, some times the traffic light across the intersection is TWO lights separated by the width of the light.  When it's that bad, I can't read road signs even with squinting, and I'm flying purely by landmarks.  Ya gotta love it when your primary sense organ (or brain) is giving you erratic fits.

I hate to argue ... Okay, that's not true, I like to argue, but that's beside's the point. I'm getting more nearsighted as I get older. I see perfectly well up to a few feet away. After that things start to get fuzzy. 

[MintJulie]

 I spent a ton of money at Christmas on a fancy pair of trifocals.

Trifocals?  

If I see you at the bar in those bad boys, I'm all over you like a cheap suit.  But that's just me.

[IdleBoast]

 I spent a ton of money at Christmas on a fancy pair of trifocals.

Trifocals?  

If I see you at the bar in those bad boys, I'm all over you like a cheap suit.  But that's just me.

Then you'll blow a gasket at my full-on varifocals (they cost twice as much as my first car!).

[ChirpingGirl]

My therapist says I use sex to please other people because I was taught that was expected of me when I was... to avoid the wrath of Jules, younger than I am now. 

I never realized it, but she's absolutely right. I've always used sex to make other people happy when it brings me little if any happiness. Wifey has a hard day at work being head chef, I always offer to relieve her stress with my mouth even if I'm exhausted from taking care of kids all day and staying up with them or tending to a crying infant. I always want her to feel better even though I don't have the energy for it. And she'll very often offer to return, but I 99.9% of the time refuse because I've been programmed to pleasure others, not myself.

I have a lot of people to blame for that and a lot more, not just my father. 

[psiberzerker]

My therapist says I use sex to please other people because I was taught that was expected of me when I was... younger.

I have to give you credit, not for the story itself.  (Based on this morning's wet dream,) but the direction it's going.

Also, I'm glad you found a good therapist, that works for you.  That combination can be hard to find, being both Good at what we do, And compatible with the patient enough to help.  (It also requires Trust.  Even if all else is perfect in the relationship, without Trust, we can't do anything for you.)

[_priapism]

I think a lot of people, but particularly the victims of physical and emotional abuse while young, develop a “need to please” and compulsively seek the approval of others.  It’s almost as if we do not believe we are worthy being loved on our own, so we have to “buy” the affection of others, whether it is with gifts, or sex, or just doing what they want, even if it is not what we want.  My parents physically and emotionally abused me, and rather sadistically withheld approval, always comparing me to other children they felt had superior achievement.  I became an overachiever myself, and sought accolades and leadership roles, because I thought if I had enough asterisks by my name in the awards program, one or both of my parents would say they were proud of me.  It never happened.

I survived.  I now have a family of my own.  But I still find myself falling into old habits, of trying to be everything for everyone, of never saying “no,” and ending up my days tired and cranky, wondering if these people love me, or simply love the things and gifts I do for them.

I see a lot of myself in some of your comments CJ.  You are not alone in this regard.

[ChirpingGirl]

I think a lot of people, but particularly the victims of physical and emotional abuse while young, develop a “need to please” and compulsively seek the approval of others.  It’s almost as if we do not believe we are worthy being loved on our own, so we have to “buy” the affection of others, whether it is with gifts, or sex, or just doing what they want, even if it is not what we want.  My parents physically and emotionally abused me, and rather sadistically withheld approval, always comparing me to other children they felt had superior achievement.  I became an overachiever myself, and sought accolades and leadership roles, because I thought if I had enough asterisks by my name in the awards program, one or both of my parents would say they were proud of me.  It never happened.

I survived.  I now have a family of my own.  But I still find myself falling into old habits, of trying to be everything for everyone, of never saying “no,” and ending up my days tired and cranky, wondering if these people love me, or simply love the things and gifts I do for them.

I see a lot of myself in some of your comments CJ.  You are not alone in this regard.

I'm sorry to hear we have that in common.

Even today I feel compelled to "please" my father despite despising him for everything he did to me.

I confess my mothers did the same thing to me. Except they were never cruel or violent. But like with my father, they never expected the word "No" be spoken. I never said it anyway because I'd been well trained.


I also confess I secretly fucking hate them as much as my father. Yeah, they were never violent or cruel or even technically forced me, but they never once asked me. I was expected to do to them what I was expected to do to my father. I HATE THEM! So fucking much I sometimes also wish I could murder them as well. They fucked me up as much as he did. I love them, but I have sometimes thought about killing them. I'll be completely honest about it. They had no right to do what they did anymore than my father.

I'm sure the men here would probably say "They were hot, so what was so bad about it?"  A lot. A whole fucking LOT. I'd be just as angry if my moms and father were all ugly. Well, alright, them all being amazing looking slightly diminishes it.  I could tell you things that would give you nightmares and make you wonder how I turned out as good as I actually did. 


And CJ went on a pointless rant.  Oh well. My therapist is going on vacation soon, so who else am I gonna say this shit to? 

[psiberzerker]

And CJ went on a pointless rant.  Oh well. My therapist is going on vacation soon, so who else am I gonna say this shit to? 

We'll listen.  We can't really offer you any help processing it, but don't worry about Ranting in the Confession thread.  This is as good a place as the random Rants thread, since you're also confessing why you are the way you are.

And the way you are is delightful.  Don't be afraid of being judged, or asked to change.

[Jed_]

And CJ went on a pointless rant.  Oh well. My therapist is going on vacation soon, so who else am I gonna say this shit to? 

We'll listen.  We can't really offer you any help processing it, but don't worry about Ranting in the Confession thread.  This is as good a place as the random Rants thread, since you're also confessing why you are the way you are.

And the way you are is delightful.  Don't be afraid of being judged, or asked to change.

I’m guessing you weren’t paying enough attention at where you were clicking when you gave her a boo a little while ago?

And yeah Chirp, pour it out here as much as you want.

[ChirpingGirl]

I confess I've been terrified I'd end up like my moms and father and abuse my children. But I can say with absolute 100% certainty I'd kill myself before I ever did anything to them that was worse than lecturing them not to run up and down the stairs. 

[_priapism]

I haven’t spoken with my father in 20 years.  His choice.  I cut off communications with my mother 6 months ago.  My choice.

I finally realized I love myself too much to keep torturing myself.  I feel bad that my children have never known their grandparents, but they’ve also grown up in a safe, loving, and nurturing environment.  An environment I never had.  I tell them “I love you” daily.  They once asked me why I do that, and I replied, “Some day I will be gone, and I never want you to wonder how I felt about you.”  My father only said that once to me, after I dared him to say it.  “I don’t think you know how.”  My father, “There, I said it.  Are you happy?”  Me, “Not really.”

[psiberzerker]

I’m guessing you weren’t paying enough attention at where you were clicking when you gave her a boo a little while ago?

Oh shit, I did?  That was supposed to be a Woo!  I'm so sorry.  Those buttons are TINY!

Message sent to MJ.  I'm sure she'll rectify it.

[ChirpingGirl]

I haven’t spoken with my father in 20 years.  His choice.  I cut off communications with my mother 6 months ago.  My choice.

I finally realized I love myself too much to keep torturing myself.  I feel bad that my children have never known their grandparents, but they’ve also grown up in a safe, loving, and nurturing environment.  An environment I never had.  I tell them “I love you” daily.  They once asked me why I do that, and I replied, “Some day I will be gone, and I never want you to wonder how I felt about you.”  My father only said that once to me, after I dared him to say it.  “I don’t think you know how.”  My father, “There, I said it.  Are you happy?”  Me, “Not really.”

I tell my babies multiple times a day I love them. They've gotten to the point of saying "I know, I know!" I'll never stop saying it.

[Remington555]

I learned at a young age that people who are disagreeable usually have reasons for it.

What it took me longer to learn is that even the nicest people have skeletons in their closet and crosses to bear.

We can't always control things that happen to us, all we can control is how we respond.

We'll listen.  We can't really offer you any help processing it, but don't worry about Ranting in the Confession thread.  This is as good a place as the random Rants thread, since you're also confessing why you are the way you are.

And the way you are is delightful.  Don't be afraid of being judged, or asked to change.

I completely agree with Psi. There are people here that care and we want you to feel comfortable sharing whenever you feel like it.

And Toe, you have every right to be proud of yourself. My parents were a lot like yours so I understand where you've come from because my journey has been similar.

Remmy

[MintJulie]

I think a lot of people, but particularly the victims of physical and emotional abuse while young, develop a “need to please” and compulsively seek the approval of others.  It’s almost as if we do not believe we are worthy being loved on our own, so we have to “buy” the affection of others, whether it is with gifts, or sex, or just doing what they want, even if it is not what we want. 

As one that was emotionally abused, I'll agree with that.
As far back as I can remember my mother never said anything positive to me.  It was all negative.  Yet there I was trying to please her and make her love me.  Until I hit my late teens and started fighting back, at which time I turned to others and tried earning their affection.  Even though in most cases I already had it.   But my mothers treatment had programmed me in a way.   I just wanted accepted.  I still do get that feeling at times.  I think a therapist might have been good for me.