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Offline Jakester

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Reply #3700 on: December 28, 2020, 12:56:37 AM
After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation

announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences:

 

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is:

Basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.

3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf.

 

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure,

the smaller your balls become.

If it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless!

Offline Jakester

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Reply #3701 on: December 28, 2020, 01:01:36 AM
Corona Virus

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
 "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
 Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."...
 He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
 Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
 pulls back the covers.
 She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
 She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
 The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
 "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
 very, closely:
 "Are - my - test - results - back?"

If it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless!

Offline msslave

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Reply #3702 on: December 28, 2020, 04:35:03 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3703 on: January 02, 2021, 02:21:12 PM
Dear 2020:

Wrong hole!

Sincerely,
Everyone


Offline msslave

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Reply #3704 on: January 11, 2021, 05:10:07 PM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline msslave

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Reply #3705 on: January 15, 2021, 09:42:27 PM
Yeah...this will be me!

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline msslave

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Reply #3706 on: January 19, 2021, 11:57:44 AM

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3707 on: January 19, 2021, 07:31:49 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3708 on: January 31, 2021, 01:23:16 PM
When I was young, I thought I might like to be a doctor. I took an aptitude test to see if I had the mental acuity to do well in that particular endeavor.

The first question:  Rearrange the letters below to spell out the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

P N E I S

Those who answered SPINE went on to become doctors and make butt-loads of money.

The rest of us spend our time browsing the forums here on Kristen's Board.  :roll:


Offline msslave

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Reply #3709 on: January 31, 2021, 01:35:41 PM
Loved it Purple. Starting the day with a LOL :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline Army of One

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Reply #3710 on: February 01, 2021, 03:06:24 AM
Quote from: purpleshoes on January 31, 2021, 01:23:16 PM
When I was young, I thought I might like to be a doctor. I took an aptitude test to see if I had the mental acuity to do well in that particular endeavor.

The first question:  Rearrange the letters below to spell out the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

P N E I S

Those who answered SPINE went on to become doctors and make butt-loads of money.

The rest of us spend our time browsing the forums here on Kristen's Board.  :roll:
I remember putting a similar challenge on Facebook. I just asked them to rearrange the letters, no other context. Oh boy, did everyone have fun not giving that answer explicitly!

Extinguishing the Flame is available on Amazon and supports Australian Bush fire relief.

Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3711 on: February 01, 2021, 01:30:17 PM

My kids have started referring to me as the Sofa King.  I thought this was because I was spending too much time spread out on the sofa watching TV during lockdown and not getting enough exercise.   Took me a while to realise they meant sofa king old.






........ I'll get my coat (if I have the energy)

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3712 on: February 11, 2021, 01:09:33 PM
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother, who suggested that she take her $10 'pay' to the bank and start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come to earn her very own paycheck at such a young age.

"I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us," the little girl proudly replied.

"Oh my goodness," said the teller. "Will you be working on the house again this week too?"

The little girl answered, "I will, if those assholes at [store name] ever deliver the fucking sheet rock."


_priapism

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Reply #3713 on: February 11, 2021, 03:22:29 PM
Great joke purpleshoes.  A woo for you.


Offline Shiela_M

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  • I said it's weird, not that I wouldn't do it.
Reply #3714 on: February 11, 2021, 04:19:00 PM
Loved it.  In my head, the [store name]  became Menards for very very obvious and childish reasons  :emot_laughing:


Offline staci

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Reply #3715 on: February 11, 2021, 05:53:24 PM
woo

one of the originals

Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3716 on: February 11, 2021, 06:25:25 PM
Quote from: ToeinH2O on February 11, 2021, 03:22:29 PM
Great joke purpleshoes.  A woo for you.

Quote from: Shiela_M on February 11, 2021, 04:19:00 PM
Loved it.  In my head, the [store name]  became Menards for very very obvious and childish reasons  :emot_laughing:

Quote from: staci on February 11, 2021, 05:53:24 PM
woo


Everybody needs to cool it. All the praise will go to his head and next thing you know he's going to be telling joke after joke. He got lucky with one. One out of many. PS isn't all that funny. 

Purple,
 :-*
Love, MJ :)

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          You might not know this, but I have a thing for Tom Brady (and Bill Clinton)
Version 9.15
POY 2016

Offline msslave

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Reply #3717 on: February 11, 2021, 08:19:27 PM
Well dang...I was just going to join in but the sheriff said....
 :facepalm:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline Shiela_M

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  • I said it's weird, not that I wouldn't do it.
Reply #3718 on: February 12, 2021, 02:01:39 AM
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball??

A: [Insert gagging sounds here]


Offline purpleshoes

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Reply #3719 on: February 12, 2021, 12:43:35 PM
Quote from: MintJulie
Everybody needs to cool it. All the praise will go to his head and next thing you know he's going to be telling joke after joke. He got lucky with one. One out of many. PS isn't all that funny.

  :emot_laughing: You sound just like my wife.  :emot_kiss:


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