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Joke of the Day

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Offline None

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Reply #3160 on: May 11, 2016, 02:28:58 AM
If you are swallowed by an elephant what should you do?
Run around inside until you get all pooped out.


Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3161 on: May 15, 2016, 12:17:19 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3162 on: May 16, 2016, 03:33:49 PM
Went to the wedding this weekend with my friend.   She had warned me on the drive there that her cousin is a comedian and every time she sees him, he tells her a lesbian joke.    I finally meet him and after introductions he says, "Hey, do you know how a lesbian holds her liquor?"
Knowing it was a joke but kind of confused by the question I shake my head.
"By the ears."
Took me a second, but then I started laughing.   
My friend says, "Oh Jules, that is so old.  Laughing at that, you're going to be his best friend tonight."   Well, that did it.  Every time I bumped into him I'd get another one.  Like 50 different jokes.


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Offline None

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Reply #3163 on: May 16, 2016, 04:22:18 PM
That reminds me.....

What the worst part about eating rabbit?
Their little feet hitting you in the face.

What's the worst part about eating a vegitable?
Getting them back into the wheelchair.


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3164 on: May 16, 2016, 04:25:53 PM
Quote from: Emanresu on May 16, 2016, 04:22:18 PM
That reminds me.....

What the worst part about eating rabbit?
Their little feet hitting you in the face.

What's the worst part about eating a vegitable?
Getting them back into the wheelchair.

Rabbit joke=funny. 

Vegetable joke=   Really Cap'n?

:),
Jules

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Offline None

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Reply #3165 on: May 16, 2016, 04:27:28 PM
Believe it or not I've got worse. Much much worse.


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3166 on: May 16, 2016, 05:55:47 PM
Quote from: Emanresu on May 16, 2016, 04:27:28 PM
Believe it or not I've got worse. Much much worse.
Hahaha
Oh, I'm sure you do.

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Offline redhatlover

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Reply #3167 on: May 16, 2016, 06:02:48 PM
Quote from: Emanresu on May 16, 2016, 04:27:28 PM
Believe it or not I've got worse. Much much worse.

The pun police will be watching for you!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3168 on: May 16, 2016, 10:35:33 PM
 :hitler:
Ve haf vays to make you obey.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline watcher1

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Reply #3169 on: May 18, 2016, 09:21:22 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on May 16, 2016, 10:35:33 PM
:hitler:
Ve haf vays to make you obey.

You look so sexy dressed up as a Nazi, especially how you have strategically placed those swastikas.   8)

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3170 on: May 18, 2016, 10:44:04 PM
Take him out
Quote from: watcher1 on May 18, 2016, 09:21:22 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on May 16, 2016, 10:35:33 PM
:hitler:
Ve haf vays to make you obey.

You look so sexy dressed up as a Nazi, especially how you have strategically placed those swastikas.   8)
take him out und severely chastise him to death.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline None

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Reply #3171 on: May 18, 2016, 11:08:36 PM
Vedy interesting but shtoopit.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3172 on: May 19, 2016, 12:58:28 AM
Quote from: Katiebee on May 18, 2016, 10:44:04 PM
Take him out
Quote from: watcher1 on May 18, 2016, 09:21:22 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on May 16, 2016, 10:35:33 PM
:hitler:
Ve haf vays to make you obey.

You look so sexy dressed up as a Nazi, especially how you have strategically placed those swastikas.   8)
take him out und severely chastise him to death.

So where's this picture of Katie dressed like a Nazi? :^)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

TinyDancer

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Reply #3173 on: May 30, 2016, 03:05:35 PM
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).  We decided to grab a bite at the food court.  I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.  The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange and blue.  My dad kept staring at her.  The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.  When the teenager had had enough she sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"  Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew that he would have a good one.  In classic style he responded without batting an eye....."Got stoned once and fucked a parrot.  Just wondering if you were my daughter."


Offline herschel

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Reply #3174 on: May 30, 2016, 11:22:58 PM
Because this is the internet, we can't trust anyone to be who or what they really are, therefore we don't know who exactly made up this story, but if it really was your father, buy him a beer on me, because that riposte is beyond Churchillian. Consider this post to be double-posted in Made My Day, and woo to you!


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3175 on: May 31, 2016, 07:20:27 AM
I agree, TD, that was one of the funniest jokes I'd heard in a long time, WOO!!!
If it is true, though, I'm curious how parrot girl reacted...

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline herschel

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Reply #3176 on: June 01, 2016, 01:28:37 AM
T. S. Eliot once admitted that he got the idea for a line in The Wasteland from an ancient Indian manuscript. He was unapologetic, saying that all the great authors steal from each other, going back through antiquity. Thus we forgive and applaud Tiny Dancer for dressing up an old joke in a new suit, and thank Gravity for coming up with the ancestral version. Eliot explained that what marks a great author from the average scribe is knowing what stuff is good to steal.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2016, 01:33:31 AM by herschel45 »


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Reply #3177 on: June 01, 2016, 02:33:41 AM
Google says Mark Twain. Of course, Abraham Lincoln once said that you can't trust every quote you read on the internet.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rinoceros?

Elephino...


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3178 on: June 01, 2016, 04:47:57 AM
Here is a cultural anthropology researched joke.

It was told in ancient Assyria .

A wolf sees a rabbit run flat out across the countryside. The wolf looks around and sees nothing chasing the rabbit. Curious he chases after the rabbit, and catching up to it asks,"brother rabbit, why are you running away so fast with nothing chasing you?"

Without stopping, the rabbit replies, "the secret police are arresting and executing all camels."

This astounds the wolf. "But brother rabbit, you aren't a camel, you're a rabbit!"

Without breaking stride, the rabbit replies, "Yes, but who's going to tell the secret police that?"
« Last Edit: June 01, 2016, 06:25:00 AM by Katiebee »

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline pineman

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Reply #3179 on: June 01, 2016, 05:50:39 AM
What do you get from kissing canaries?
Chirpees, it's a "Canareal Disease"


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