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Offline Bigeasy

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Reply #3040 on: September 28, 2015, 07:19:50 PM
I'll post the beginning - you try to guess the punchline, or if that's too annoying and anyone is interested, I'll finish thejoke.

JOSEPH WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "I'LL HAVE A BLOODY MARY."  BARTENDER SAYS...


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3041 on: September 28, 2015, 07:55:10 PM
Yes this is too annoying. Just post the entire joke, please.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline Piper-Dreams

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Reply #3042 on: September 28, 2015, 08:17:42 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on September 28, 2015, 07:55:10 PM
Yes this is too annoying. Just post the entire joke, please.

What she said.


Offline Bigeasy

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Reply #3043 on: September 28, 2015, 09:07:48 PM
JOSEPH WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "I'LL HAVE A BLOODY MARY."  BARTENDER SAYS, "You're in luck, she's in the back and God just left."


Offline Piper-Dreams

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Reply #3044 on: September 28, 2015, 09:09:06 PM
Quote from: Bigeasy on September 28, 2015, 09:07:48 PM
JOSEPH WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "I'LL HAVE A BLOODY MARY."  BARTENDER SAYS, "You're in luck, she's in the back and God just left."


 :emot_laughing:


Offline vinney

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Reply #3045 on: October 04, 2015, 09:42:56 PM
The Penis Poem.

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now a water spout!
Time was when, on its own,
From my trousers it would spring,
But now its just a full time job
To find the fucking thing!
It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave,
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave!
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes!

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3046 on: October 05, 2015, 04:17:29 AM
My favorite Vinney! I lubs my Vinney!

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3047 on: October 05, 2015, 06:02:58 AM
Vinney, you put your shoes on BEFORE putting on your underwear and pants?!? Maybe not getting it up is the LEAST of your problems... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline redhatlover

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Reply #3048 on: October 05, 2015, 02:31:17 PM
Welcum back, Vinney!  Missed you!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #3049 on: October 05, 2015, 03:02:29 PM
Hey Vinney......Welcome Home..!!!
We all Missed you, Glad you made it back.
 :D
Love,
Liz


Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #3050 on: October 05, 2015, 09:06:51 PM
Halloween Joke:

Two Nuns driving are home on a very dark Halloween night, when suddenly a vampire drops on to their car windshield. They can see his yellow eyes and blood dripping from his finger nails. "Quick" yells the nun driving the car to the other,
"show him your cross"!!......As quickly as she can the other nun rolls down the side window and leans way out of the car......."Get The Fuck Off Our Windshield" !!!!
she yells..

"Happy Halloween"....
Love,
Liz


Offline vinney

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Reply #3051 on: October 06, 2015, 12:39:09 AM
Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby
Old Tom obliged and went out for a couple of hours. When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club.
"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."
"Old man, you need glasses! This is a membership in a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh, great! now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #3052 on: October 06, 2015, 12:40:27 AM
A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch.
The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf.
The wife talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest. "How much is it?" she asked.
"One-hundred and fifty dollars," he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.
"But it comes with an inscription," the pro said.
"What kind of inscription?" she asked.
"Whatever you wish," he explained. "But, one of the old golfers' favorites is: 'Never Up, Never In'."
"Oh, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #3053 on: October 06, 2015, 12:47:47 AM
Hey thanks for the welcum home...

Sorry I won't be posting regularly for a while but it's nice to know you missed me... so thanks to y'all:

dear beloved Katiebee,

GG for the helpful comment...  ;D

RHL for noticing I've been missing...

and dear dear Liz who can cum and bite me any time...

Then other messages from Toe and Tiny Dancer...

I feel popular again...!!!

No joking this time!

vinney


If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #3054 on: October 06, 2015, 09:26:12 AM
A man walking along a California beach was in deep prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish." The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want to." The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking ;the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific;the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it,but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish,one that will honor and glorify me". After thinking long and hard,he finally said,"Lord I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they're thinking, why they cry,what they mean when they say' nothing',and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes the Lord said, "How many lanes you want on that bridge? "

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."

Offline vinney

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Reply #3055 on: October 07, 2015, 09:52:53 PM
« Last Edit: October 08, 2015, 12:07:57 AM by vinney »

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

TinyDancer

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Reply #3056 on: October 11, 2015, 03:47:22 PM
The Logical Makes Perfect Sense

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

 The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, Mayday!!!

 The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".

 He began his series of questions:

 Tower : How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?

 Aircraft: I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.

 Tower: Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?

 Aircraft: I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."

 Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"

 Aircraft: The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.


Offline vinney

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Reply #3057 on: October 11, 2015, 09:27:41 PM

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

TinyDancer

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Reply #3058 on: October 12, 2015, 03:12:40 PM
Little Johnny and Perhaps

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression "I presume".

 One little girl held up her hand and said: "Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken."

 "Very good" said the teacher.

 Another one said: "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that the BMW wouldn't start."

 "That's excellent" says the teacher.

 Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: "Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that......."

 The teacher interrupted him and said, "I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything."

 Johnny says, "Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence."

 The teacher says, "Very well. Continue."

 "As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a crap because he can't read."


Offline RopeFiend

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Reply #3059 on: October 17, 2015, 06:54:48 PM

No, I'm NOT play-acting James Bond disarming a missile, I just hate the damned buzzer on the microwave!

Remember the Golden Rule: you do me, and I\'ll do you (paraphrased)

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