Joke of the Day

[GEMINIGUY]

lol She's too smart to give identity away if she wanted to remain anonymous.

[vinney]

[vinney]

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him £5 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him £10 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the milkman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The milkman drops his bottles, opens his arms and says:-

"Then come here and give your father a big hug."

[vinney]

Seen my new secretary?" asked the businessman.
"Yeah," his buddy replied," she's gorgeous."
"Well, she's a Robot, the latest model from Japan."
"Jeez, that's amazing! What can she do?"
"If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types 185 wpm for you. And when you screw her it feels better than the real thing."
"Sounds perfect."
"l almost got hurt once, though."
"How?"
"Well," he grimaced, "let's just say I didn't know her ass was a pencil sharpener."

[vinney]

A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join he explains. The biker asks; "Do you have motorcycle?
The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

[GEMINIGUY]

lol Vinney, the little old lady i'm picturing is the old lady with the thick glasses from the 1985 comedy Moving Violations who still can't see, do you know the old lady I mean? ;-) She was friends with the Where's The Beef? old lady who's also in the movie.

[brody]

lol Vinney, the little old lady i'm picturing is the old lady with the thick glasses from the 1985 comedy Moving Violations who still can't see, do you know the old lady I mean? ;-) She was friends with the Where's The Beef? old lady who's also in the movie.

This one, GG?

[GEMINIGUY]

lol Vinney, the little old lady i'm picturing is the old lady with the thick glasses from the 1985 comedy Moving Violations who still can't see, do you know the old lady I mean? ;-) She was friends with the Where's The Beef? old lady who's also in the movie.

This one, GG?

That's her! lol
I think she also played Adelaid on Diff'rent Strokes.

[vinney]

[wanker77]

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

[vinney]

[Elizabeth]

quote author=coacheric link=topic=13467.msg352903#msg352903 date=1433593105]
Forgot one Vinney

Gay meant happy.

Wife and I were talking about that last night from something old she saw at a garage sale
[/quote]

That it did, I have a copy of a 1955 dictionary and Gay meant exactly that "happy".
 
Love,
Liz

[TheciaMarie]

My mother always would say.  He or she was "queeer"
maant "Odd"

[vinney]

Happy, happy gays... days...

vinney

[anvil]

Rodeo style.

Everybody knows what cowboy style is, well here's Rodeo style.

The lady is on all fours and the man enters her from the rear hard enough to make her gasp, grabs a hand full of hair and pulls her head back with Passion. He then starts to slap her on the ass repeatedly while calling her by her sisters name.

Then tries to not get bucked off for 8 seconds.

[wanker77]

If he lasts the 8 seconds does he give her a donkey punch?

[Katiebee]

He's likely to be trampled to death, after all, he won't have a rodeo clown to distract her when he tries to dismount.

[Elizabeth]

He's likely to be trampled to death, after all, he won't have a rodeo clown to distract her when he tries to dismount.

OHHHH......
We "Got" plenty of Clowns in here...!!!!
 
Love,
Liz

[vinney]

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:
"I think everyone's asleep, let's go."
"This one's empty ... no-ones looking... you go in first."
"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down!"
"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on."
Sniff, sniff ,"Ah perfume - you think of everything!"
"This is great....." (long sigh!)
Static on the loud speaker, then a new voice: "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."

[vinney]