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Offline aaron23062

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Reply #2900 on: April 20, 2015, 03:17:41 PM
A man in Arizona stole over seventy auto batteries from a Wal-Mart. Police are certain he has violated Ohm's Law but are having difficulty figuring the charge.

The truth is a three-edged sword.  -- Kosh

Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2901 on: April 20, 2015, 03:42:55 PM
Just remember, Ohm's Law can never be violated!  (I know people that have tried!)

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2902 on: April 21, 2015, 05:36:22 AM
Ohhhmmmmmmmmmmm!

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline msslave

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Reply #2903 on: April 21, 2015, 06:57:52 PM
Here's a new twist on an old joke.  Or, if you wait long enough all things will become new again. ^-^


A poignant story from the Masters

A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters.
As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting
in the seat next to him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would
have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world,
and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife always
would come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we
haven't been to together since we got married."
 "Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't
 find someone else?.. a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take
 the seat?"
 The man shakes his head...

 
 
...."No. They're all at the funeral."--

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline vinney

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Reply #2904 on: April 22, 2015, 12:11:12 AM
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2905 on: April 22, 2015, 12:15:51 AM
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2906 on: April 22, 2015, 12:20:12 AM
There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.
A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well.
A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.
They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."
She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2907 on: April 22, 2015, 11:56:40 PM
A tourist from the Atlanta area was hiking through the mountains of North Georgia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?" he asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the tourist.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the tourist.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the city slicker, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door.. "This is the outhouse!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2908 on: April 24, 2015, 12:07:02 AM
A couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in a lovely restaurant. They were talking about how happy their marriage has been and still is.
The husband says, "We have been married for so long, 50 wonderful years, but there is something I have been meaning to ask you."
"Yes, dear, anything you want," replies the wife.
"Have you always been faithful? Come on, you can tell me; we have been married for so long nothing can change that."
Shocked as she was she figured she owed him the truth.
"I have been unfaithful three times," she says.
"Remember when you were going to lose the business and you desperately needed a loan, but none of the banks you went to gave you one. And then, on the weekend, one of the bank managers came to the house and gave it to you. Well that was the first time."
"I am shocked, but also I love you dearly because you sacrificed yourself to save me from bankruptcy. What about the 2nd time?" he asks.
"The second time was when you had the heart attack and needed that special surgery. Remember the heart specialist flew in from Chicago?" she said.
"Again I am shocked but I love you even more because you did it for me. You are truly a magnificent woman. Tell me the third time."
"Well, remember when you were running for mayor and you were 47 votes short...."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2909 on: April 25, 2015, 12:21:44 AM
Georgie is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has transformed him into a beautiful woman.
An old friend sees him and says, "Georgie, you look great... you're beautiful!"
Georgie says, "Thanks... but holy Christ, did it hurt."
His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?" Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
His friend says, "When they cut off your genitals?"
Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"
Georgie says, "When the doctor drilled a hole in my head and sucked out half my brain!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2910 on: April 25, 2015, 01:04:51 AM
Vinney, you better go into hiding! ;-) The ladies of KB will be hunting you down. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2911 on: April 25, 2015, 01:27:47 AM
Quote from: GEMINIGUY on April 25, 2015, 01:04:51 AM
Vinney, you better go into hiding! ;-) The ladies of KB will be hunting you down. :P

Got to run now... Katie and Liz are gunning for me...  :emot_laughing:

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2912 on: April 25, 2015, 02:22:59 AM
Quote from: vinney on April 25, 2015, 01:27:47 AM
Quote from: GEMINIGUY on April 25, 2015, 01:04:51 AM
Vinney, you better go into hiding! ;-) The ladies of KB will be hunting you down. :P

Got to run now... Katie and Liz are gunning for me...  :emot_laughing:

vinney

Hey Vinney...."Watch Out For Landmines"......(Just saying).
 :D
Love,
Liz


Offline vinney

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Reply #2913 on: April 25, 2015, 01:27:38 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on April 25, 2015, 02:22:59 AM
Quote from: vinney on April 25, 2015, 01:27:47 AM
Quote from: GEMINIGUY on April 25, 2015, 01:04:51 AM
Vinney, you better go into hiding! ;-) The ladies of KB will be hunting you down. :P

Got to run now... Katie and Liz are gunning for me...  :emot_laughing:

vinney

Hey Vinney...."Watch Out For Landmines"......(Just saying).
 :D
Love,
Liz


Sounds like there's a big blow job cumming my way if I'm very careful...

vinney

 :emot_laughing:

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2914 on: April 27, 2015, 12:22:44 PM
ANCIENT CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble - one prick all gone
Man who run in front of car get tired
Man who run behind car get exhausted
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
Man with one chopstick go hungry
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it
Man who drive like hell bound to get there
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs
Man who farts in church sits in own pew
Crowded elevator smells different to midget

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2915 on: April 27, 2015, 12:30:23 PM
Two indigenous Australians were driving their well used and abused old EH Holden wagon in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a police "booze bus".
Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'Gidday brudders! Two cold cans of Emu Export, tanks!'
The copper glared at him and said 'You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube!'
The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in ta dat fing, I gotta a letter from me doctor in Alice Springs saying dat I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow inta dat.'
The cop smirked and said 'OK, in that case, we require you to give us a blood sample.'
'Nah, nah sorry, boss,' replied the driver. 'Can't be doin' that eifer. Got a letter from the Red Cross in Darwin sayin' that I'm a haemophiliac and I could bleed to deaf rel quick if I gave a blood sample. Nah, sorry, boss, can't do that!'
By now the copper was getting very irate so he demanded that the driver provide a urine sample for testing.
The driver shook his head and said, 'Nah, sorry boss, can't do that eifer.'
The copper protested 'Surely you haven't got a letter for that as well!!!'
'Blood oath, mate!' says the driver, 'It's from Tony Abbott, the Prime Minister of this lovely Country of Australia . He's apologised, and it says that you whitefellas can't take the piss out of us blackfellas no more!

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2916 on: April 28, 2015, 12:46:04 AM
WOO, loved the Old Chinese Proverbs, Vinney! :^)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2917 on: April 28, 2015, 12:52:30 AM
Quote from: GEMINIGUY on April 28, 2015, 12:46:04 AM
WOO, loved the Old Chinese Proverbs, Vinney! :^)

Confucius agrees GG... and so do I

vinney

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2918 on: April 28, 2015, 08:13:49 AM
Hey, Vinney, any chance there's enough of those Old Chinese Proverbs to start a thread on and do like five a day?

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2919 on: April 28, 2015, 10:55:24 AM
That would be good but I've got to find them first!

vinney  :roll:

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

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