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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2780 on: December 15, 2014, 06:08:55 PM
You are terrible, TD! And funny as fucking Hell, thank you thank you thank you!!! lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #2781 on: December 16, 2014, 11:53:32 AM
EXAMS
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except
for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate
family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual
exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student shakes her head, and sweetly says: "Not an excuse.  You can use
your other hand to write with."





Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2782 on: December 16, 2014, 02:05:52 PM
EXAMS
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except
for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate
family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual
exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student shakes her head, and sweetly says: "Not an excuse.  You can use
your other hand to write with."




 :emot_weird: But I'm not ambidextrous............ :-[

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2783 on: December 16, 2014, 07:21:24 PM
Use a vibrator

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2784 on: December 16, 2014, 08:46:37 PM
Use a vibrator

Quoting a friend here, EWWWWWWWWWW!

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2785 on: December 17, 2014, 06:57:02 PM
GG get the vibratir that fits over the top of your hand and makes your whole hand vibrate.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2786 on: December 17, 2014, 07:56:53 PM
Would a male be that desperate to use a vibrator? ;-) Not a manly male at least...

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2787 on: December 17, 2014, 09:28:34 PM
Sorry that you don't classify yourself as a manly man, GG.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2788 on: December 17, 2014, 11:17:40 PM
You read it the way you wanted to, sweet Kate. I count myself among those who aren't desperate enough to use a vibrator. :P

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline msslave

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Reply #2789 on: December 17, 2014, 11:54:07 PM
I've used 'em.  Don't feel less manly.  At my age anything that helps is a godsend. :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


TinyDancer

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Reply #2790 on: December 18, 2014, 02:24:18 PM
OLD MAN
There was this really old guy at a dance who hadn't had any sex
for a long time. He'd been dancing with the grandmas all night,
but he still hadn't scored.

Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said,
"Listen, I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming
back to my place? I'll give you $20 if you oblige!"

"I'm willing, let's go," she said.

They arrived back at his place, and after a bit of foreplay,
they headed for the bedroom. The old guy loved the sex and couldn't
get over how tight the grandma was for such an old woman.
Surely she's got to be a virgin.

After the wonderful performance, he rolled over and said,
"Wow! Lady, if I had known you were a virgin, I would have
given you $50".

Surprised, she replied, "If I had known you were actually going
to get an erection, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"





Offline msslave

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Reply #2791 on: December 18, 2014, 05:02:08 PM
Thanks TD.  We old people need reminding about how tricky sex can be at our age. :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2792 on: December 19, 2014, 02:14:38 AM
And we young people need to remember pantyhose makes a pussy feel tighter. :P lol

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Meatbot

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Reply #2793 on: December 19, 2014, 05:28:32 AM

Kind of embarrassing... when I was a kid, I tried to jack off using my older sisters (aromatic) pantyhose. That is some abrasive shit. I do not recommend the experience. That shit is sexy, but it is not whack material. Stick with panties, boys.

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Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2794 on: December 22, 2014, 01:06:40 PM

Bob: “Did you hear about the Obama administration scandal?,

> Jim: “You mean the Mexican gun running?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean SEAL Team 6?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> im: “You mean voter fraud?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “You mean the president arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”

> Bob: “No the other one:.

> Jim: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The DOJ spying on the press?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s repeated violation of the law requiring him to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The president’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “Clinton, the IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”

> Bob: “No, the other one.”

> Jim: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck us again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?”

> Bob: “THAT’S THE ONE!”




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TinyDancer

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Reply #2795 on: December 22, 2014, 01:28:38 PM
Three good ole boys died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The cowboy from Texas fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It represents a candle’, he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The logger from Minnesota reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

The old Nebraska farmer started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’


The Husker replied, ‘These are Carols.’



TinyDancer

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Reply #2796 on: December 23, 2014, 02:28:33 PM
THE FINAL BLOW JOB
A woman recently lost her husband. Their marriage had been a very
lousy one, and she was relieved that he was finally gone.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.

Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the
ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me?"

She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"

She then said, "Remember that new car you promised me?"

She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance
money!"

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Remember that
blow job I promised you? Well ...... here it comes..."





Offline msslave

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Reply #2797 on: December 23, 2014, 03:16:49 PM
You do post some good ones, TD :emot_laughing:

Guess the lesson is, "All good things come to those who wait".

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


TinyDancer

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Reply #2798 on: December 29, 2014, 01:19:09 PM
TEXAS BABY BOY
A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because he
announces his wife has just produced "a typical Texas baby boy
weighing 20 pounds.

"Congratulations" shower him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" are heard.   A woman faints due to
sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.

The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical
Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he
weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Ten pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned. "Why? What happened?
He weighed 20 pounds at birth."

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone
Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the
bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
   




TinyDancer

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Reply #2799 on: December 30, 2014, 04:12:49 PM
There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says.

"The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure."

The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure. "So what's the good news?" he asks.

The doctor says, "There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?"

The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it." So the doctor performs the operation.

A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful.

Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.

Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.

"Wow!" says his stunned girlfriend, "That was impressive! Can you do that again?"

Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, "Probably... but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"