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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2460 on: May 10, 2014, 12:31:53 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on May 10, 2014, 06:34:04 AM
WHAT THE HELL GOOD DOES HIS PENIS DO HIM UNDER HIS PILLOW?!? ;-)

The tooth fairy has a new agenda.!!!!
 :emot_laughing:
Love,
Liz


Offline vinney

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Reply #2461 on: May 10, 2014, 01:17:17 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on May 10, 2014, 12:31:53 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on May 10, 2014, 06:34:04 AM
WHAT THE HELL GOOD DOES HIS PENIS DO HIM UNDER HIS PILLOW?!? ;-)

The tooth fairy has a new agenda.!!!!
 :emot_laughing:
Love,
Liz


Nice one Liz...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline msslave

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Reply #2462 on: May 13, 2014, 05:33:42 PM
 
A blonde heard that bathing in milk would make her beautiful.       
 
So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of  milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.  He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.   
 
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.       
 
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your  note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5  gallons?"       
 
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my  bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and  beautiful again."       
 
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"             
 
.......You know where this is going.....   

                             
 
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits.... I can splash it on  my eyes!

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2463 on: May 13, 2014, 09:11:43 PM
I thought he was offering to pasteurize the milk for her... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline msslave

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Reply #2464 on: May 13, 2014, 11:12:05 PM
Ooooooh.  Pasturize, that involves a lot of heat.

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Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2465 on: May 20, 2014, 04:03:37 PM
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"


Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2466 on: May 22, 2014, 03:41:11 PM


The National Poetry Contest had
come down to two semi-finalists:

A Yale graduate, and an Irish man.

They were given a single word, then allowed
two minutes to come up with a poem
contained the word.

The word they were given was "TIMBUKTU!"

 

The Yale graduate stepped to the microphone and said:

"'SLOWLY ACROSS THE DESERT SAND,

  TREKKED A LONELY CARAVAN.

  MEN ON CAMELS, TWO BY TWO,

  DESTINATION - TIMBUKTU."

The crowd went crazy! No way could the
Irishman top that, they thought.


The Irish man calmly made his way to the
microphone and recited his poem:
 
"ME AND TIM A HUNTIN' WENT,


 MET T'REE WOMEN IN A POP-UP TENT.

 DEY WAS T'REE, AND WE WAS TWO,

 SO I BUCKED ONE, AND TIMBUKTU!"

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline msslave

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Reply #2467 on: May 22, 2014, 05:01:35 PM
Thanks Thecia.  You've added greatly to the cultural experiences I receive from this site.  :emot_laughing:

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2468 on: May 23, 2014, 08:03:08 AM
And of course my fellow Irishman won. Unless it was rigged. ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline msslave

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Reply #2469 on: May 23, 2014, 09:08:37 PM

Two little old ladies, Connie & Evelyn were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one, Connie, leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!'

'You're on!' said Evelyn, holding up a $10.00 bill.

So Connie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Connie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

'What happened?' askedEvalyn.

'I won $1,000 as 1st prize for 'Best Dried Arrangement.. !'
 

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2470 on: May 23, 2014, 09:18:39 PM
Ouch! Another shivelled up old lady joke. :P lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline msslave

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Reply #2471 on: May 23, 2014, 09:32:21 PM
I'm fair game for shriveled up old man jokes too.   :-[

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Offline msslave

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Reply #2472 on: May 24, 2014, 11:25:37 PM
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
 
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
 
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
 
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?


Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline vinney

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Reply #2473 on: May 25, 2014, 01:02:03 AM
You're on form with your jokes msslave... made me...  :emot_laughing:

vinney

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Offline msslave

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Reply #2474 on: May 25, 2014, 07:33:39 PM
The Joys of Getting Older

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.  Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 
'I'm 90 years old,' he says. 
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

-----------------------------------------------------------
 

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.' 
 

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline mommysboytoy77

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Reply #2475 on: May 31, 2014, 08:30:45 PM
I was drinking and a bar and really, really needed to use the restroom
The men's was full and I really had to go so I snuck into the woman's restroom
I pulled out my penis and just before I could pee, a woman came up behind me and said "excuse me..this is for women only"   
I turned around and said "so is this"

People say I look like Tom Cruise except I'm taller and our faces are different

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2476 on: June 01, 2014, 04:44:05 AM
Good answer! ;-) lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline staci

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Reply #2477 on: June 02, 2014, 03:25:39 PM
G rated.

A wife searching for her husband finds him in the kitchen waving a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I am hunting flies" he replied

"Having any luck?"

"So far, I have swatted 3 male flies and 2 female flies"

"Oh, and how can you tell the difference?"
 

"Easy, 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone".


(insert smiley face or emoticon of hurling)

one of the originals

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Reply #2478 on: June 02, 2014, 03:28:30 PM
Quote from: staci on June 02, 2014, 03:25:39 PM
"Easy, 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone".


(insert smiley face or emoticon of hurling)


 :emot_laughing:

I thought it was quite entertaining.  :D


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2479 on: June 02, 2014, 05:32:36 PM
Those female flies LOVE talking on the phone. ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

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