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Offline msslave

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Reply #2220 on: February 11, 2014, 05:48:25 PM
Great one, Lippy!

My dad had a friend when I was a kid who told about taking a cab from the airport to a hotel.  He gave the driver a bill...the driver gave him his change, then reached back and grabbed his tip.  He didn't say anything, but got the drivers number.  For the next several days he was in that town, he'd call up and request that driver.  He made sure he had lots of change in various denominations.  The cab driver got paid the exact fare on each trip, with no tip naturally.  True story from early 1950s, but fits here I think

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Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2221 on: February 12, 2014, 09:42:50 PM

I was standing at a bar and this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
 
I asked  him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu ?"
 
He says "No, why the fruck you ask me that?  Is it because I am Chinese?"
 
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my fucking beer, you little prick."


I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.


Offline vinney

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Reply #2222 on: February 13, 2014, 12:23:54 AM
More great jokes to keep me amused... Thanks Thecia... and everyone...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2223 on: February 13, 2014, 01:41:16 AM
Only Thecia would have the guts to curse out a little Chinese man, lol

...though almost all Chinese men ARE little... :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Hoss

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Reply #2224 on: February 13, 2014, 02:06:15 AM
Only Thecia would have the guts to curse out a little Chinese man, lol

...though almost all Chinese men ARE little... :P

 :-X Now you have started something...look out for Sumo Wrestlers...just saying.

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2225 on: February 13, 2014, 03:56:20 AM
Sumo Wrestlers are Japanese. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline poppa_plays

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Reply #2226 on: February 13, 2014, 05:51:55 AM
This morning, my wife told me she'd had a dream that I'd given her a diamond necklace for Valentines day.  She wanted to know what that meant.

I gave her a smile and said, "We'll just have to wait until Friday."

Wrapping the small package, I can't wait to see the expression on her face when she opens it.  Had to go to three bookstores before I found a copy of "What Dreams Mean".

I going to use this. That's great.

I am not a writer, but I did stay At a Holiday Express last night.

If you can't upload it here, I don't want to see it in yahoo.
I don't trade pics. Don't assume its OK to just send to my yahoo.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2227 on: February 13, 2014, 05:56:14 AM
I hope it's in paperback. Hardcover will leave a dent on your forehead. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline poppa_plays

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Reply #2228 on: February 13, 2014, 06:00:33 AM
I did do something similar to that, but it involved a hot wheel on my daughters sweet 16.

I am not a writer, but I did stay At a Holiday Express last night.

If you can't upload it here, I don't want to see it in yahoo.
I don't trade pics. Don't assume its OK to just send to my yahoo.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2229 on: February 13, 2014, 07:20:43 AM
"Dad, if that's a sports car it's too small for me!" ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline msslave

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Reply #2230 on: February 13, 2014, 10:31:57 PM
A fella stopped me the other day and asked me how to get to Milkjer Boulivard.

Being very familar with the city, I drew a blank.  I told him I'd never heard of that street.  Could he spell it for me.

"Sure, he said,  It's right here on this slip.  M - L - K - J - R Boulivard."

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Janus

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Reply #2231 on: February 13, 2014, 10:38:50 PM
I'm sure that this has been posted before but here it is anyway.

In the Garden of Eden,
as everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
without any clothes.

In this garden,
were two little leaves,
one covered Adam's,
one covered Eve's.

As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
the wind came along,
and blew the leaves away.

At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.

And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
started to rise.

They found a spot,
that suited them best,
a nice big tree,
where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider,
and wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
and filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.

Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
was all wet inside.

The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years,
People did screw,
and now it is time,
for me and you.

So pull down your pants,
and lay in the grass,
because I'm in the mood,
for a piece of that ASS!



Offline vinney

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Reply #2232 on: February 13, 2014, 11:59:23 PM
 :emot_laughing:

Janus... great poem...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline msslave

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Reply #2233 on: February 14, 2014, 12:00:02 AM
Ditto, great poem.....but, what's the punch line?

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2234 on: February 14, 2014, 03:55:24 AM
I had heard the beginning of that Adam and Eve poem but never straight through. Thanks for posting it, Janus!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Chloe

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Reply #2235 on: February 14, 2014, 06:50:57 AM
A little boy turns to a little girl in a swimming pool and proclaims, "I'm gonna duck you."

"No, you're not," she says, "you can't even say it right."

If she ain't broke, break her


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2236 on: February 14, 2014, 07:07:02 AM
Precocious children...

Brats lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #2237 on: February 14, 2014, 06:05:56 PM
Little Johnny

Teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?

"Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel through Europe , an Infinite Visa Card
 and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

And you, Susie?

"I wanna be Johnny's bitch."



Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2238 on: February 14, 2014, 08:37:42 PM
An older homeless man stumbles into a doctor's office, proceeds to tell the doctor "doc, I was walkin' in the street, mindin' my own business when I turned and a car brushed passed me and knocked my thang right off. I need you to sew it back on. " The intrigued doctor asked "do you have it with you?". "Yup, got it right here in my pocket. ". He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an object. The doctor looks at it and says "that's an old wrinkled cigar." Homeless man says "whoops, wrong pocket" and searches the other pocket, removes another object. The bemused doctor smiles and says "that's another old wrinkled cigar." The horror-stricken homeless man cries out "Shit doc - I smoked my dick!!!"

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.


Janus

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Reply #2239 on: February 14, 2014, 08:56:41 PM
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.