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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2040 on: December 31, 2013, 12:49:36 AM
Ouch. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2041 on: December 31, 2013, 02:48:46 PM

    Subject: Becoming an Irishman

    Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
    "What's your name?" asked the teacher.
    "Mohammad," he replied.

    "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Frank."
    Mohammad returned home after school.
    "How was your day, Mohammad?" his mother asked.

    "My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Frank."
    "Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion?
    Shame on you!"   And his mother beat him.  Then she called his father, who beat him again.

    The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
    "What happened to you, Frank? she asked.
    "Well miss, shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fucking Arabs."

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2042 on: January 01, 2014, 08:36:30 AM
Now that was funny as Hell!!! ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline msslave

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Reply #2043 on: January 01, 2014, 02:31:39 PM
After God had rested on the 7th day, He went out on day 8 to bestow gifts to the creatures He'd created.  He made his rounds and ended up at the Garden of Eden with a nearly empty bag.

God approached Adam and Eve and said, "I've been giving all my children gifts, but sadly, I only have two left".  "One of them is the ability to pee standng up."

At hearing this Adam jumped up and pleaded, "Oh yes God, I want the ability to pee standing up.  Please, please give me that. Gimme, gimme, gimme."

God was put out at Adam's display and lack of respect for Eve, but He sighed and granted Adam the ability to pee standing up.

He then looked at Eve and told her, "That leaves the last gift for you....multiple orgasams".

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline vinney

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Reply #2044 on: January 02, 2014, 12:06:02 PM
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my family and friends about drinking and driving.
 
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.
 
Well, three days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails, followed by some rather nice red wine.

Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be over the limit.  That's when I did something that I've never done before; I took a taxicab home!
 
Sure enough, on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a taxi they waved it past.  I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it!!!
 

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

TinyDancer

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Reply #2045 on: January 02, 2014, 02:35:36 PM
Take the Male Sensitivity Test to determine if you know how to relate to women.

 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

 A. Lovemaking.
 B. Screwing.
 C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.


 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

 A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
 B. Your blood-test results.
 C. Five tequila slammers.


 3. You time your orgasm so that:

 A. Your partner climaxes first.
 B. You both climax simultaneously.
 C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Centre.


 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

 A. Healthy, creative love-play.
 B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
 C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.


 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

 A. The best part of the experience.
 B. The second best part of the experience.
 C. $100 extra.


 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

 A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
 B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
 C. A conservative estimate.


 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

 A. A myth.
 B. An oxymoron.
 C. A moron.


 8. Foreplay is to sex as:

 A. An appetizer is to entree.
 B. Primer is to paint.
 C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.


 9. Which of the following would you most likely say at the end of a relationship?

 A. "I hope we can still be friends."
 B. "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message at the beep."
 C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."


 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

 A. Needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
 B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
 C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.


Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2046 on: January 02, 2014, 02:54:51 PM
Quote from: TinyDancer on January 02, 2014, 02:35:36 PM
Take the Male Sensitivity Test to determine if you know how to relate to women.

 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

 A. Lovemaking.
 B. Screwing.
 C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.


 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

 A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
 B. Your blood-test results.
 C. Five tequila slammers.


 3. You time your orgasm so that:

 A. Your partner climaxes first.
 B. You both climax simultaneously.
 C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Centre.


 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

 A. Healthy, creative love-play.
 B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
 C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.


 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

 A. The best part of the experience.
 B. The second best part of the experience.
 C. $100 extra.


 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

 A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
 B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
 C. A conservative estimate.


 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

 A. A myth.
 B. An oxymoron.
 C. A moron.


 8. Foreplay is to sex as:

 A. An appetizer is to entree.
 B. Primer is to paint.
 C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.


 9. Which of the following would you most likely say at the end of a relationship?

 A. "I hope we can still be friends."
 B. "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message at the beep."
 C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."


 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

 A. Needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
 B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
 C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

You didn't give us the answer key!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

TinyDancer

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Reply #2047 on: January 02, 2014, 03:15:45 PM
There was no answer key, go figure.  Best I could come up with was.......

Mostly A's......Too good to be true, so us women know you are bullshitting which in turn means you're shit outta luck.

Mostly B's......Yep, regular chip off the old block....you're in the running.

Mostly C's......You're just sit outta luck.

 :emot_laughing:


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2048 on: January 02, 2014, 03:52:06 PM
See, it's a no-win situation. ;)

Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't.
 :emot_kiss:

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline MissBarbara

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Reply #2049 on: January 02, 2014, 04:34:43 PM
Quote from: redhatlover on January 02, 2014, 02:54:51 PM
Quote from: TinyDancer on January 02, 2014, 02:35:36 PM
Take the Male Sensitivity Test to determine if you know how to relate to women.

 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

 A. Lovemaking.
 B. Screwing.
 C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.


 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

 A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
 B. Your blood-test results.
 C. Five tequila slammers.


 3. You time your orgasm so that:

 A. Your partner climaxes first.
 B. You both climax simultaneously.
 C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Centre.


 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

 A. Healthy, creative love-play.
 B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
 C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.


 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

 A. The best part of the experience.
 B. The second best part of the experience.
 C. $100 extra.


 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

 A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
 B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
 C. A conservative estimate.


 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

 A. A myth.
 B. An oxymoron.
 C. A moron.


 8. Foreplay is to sex as:

 A. An appetizer is to entree.
 B. Primer is to paint.
 C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.


 9. Which of the following would you most likely say at the end of a relationship?

 A. "I hope we can still be friends."
 B. "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message at the beep."
 C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."


 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

 A. Needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
 B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
 C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.


You didn't give us the answer key!



The answer is "C" to every question.





"Sometimes the best things in life are a hot girl and a cold beer."


Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2050 on: January 02, 2014, 04:39:34 PM
Come on, Miss B!  Do you think we are really that bad?

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2051 on: January 03, 2014, 12:08:08 AM
Hey, Vinney, you're a smart guy. I'm sure you'll find a use for that taxicab. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2052 on: January 03, 2014, 12:34:19 AM
Quote from: Geminiguy on January 03, 2014, 12:08:08 AM
Hey, Vinney, you're a smart guy. I'm sure you'll find a use for that taxicab. :P

 :emot_bigokay:

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2053 on: January 03, 2014, 07:41:55 AM
Strip off the paint, paint it a new color, start your own taxi service. ;-) I'm sure some KB members need rides. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

TinyDancer

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Reply #2054 on: January 03, 2014, 07:15:15 PM
•Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
 Mick says 'how you doin?'
 Paddy says ' okay but do us a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.'

 Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed.
 He says 'your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you'.
 They say 'get away with ya.. prove it.'
 Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?'

 Paddy shouts back 'Of course both of em, what's the point of fuckin one?'


Offline vinney

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Reply #2055 on: January 03, 2014, 08:20:26 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on January 03, 2014, 07:41:55 AM
Strip off the paint, paint it a new color, start your own taxi service. ;-) I'm sure some KB members need rides. :P

Strip off...?  Oh the paint... hey that's a friggin' good idea... now... where's my blowjob blowtorch...?

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2056 on: January 04, 2014, 03:34:49 AM
Did you forget? You lent it to Janus.
Janus borrows a lot of stuff... Hey, Katie, did he return your bazooka? ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

TinyDancer

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Reply #2057 on: January 04, 2014, 01:25:22 PM
•Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15 minutes passed one girl leaned over and whispered to her friend, "What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is masturbating."
 Her friend replied, "Don't do anything. Just ignore it."
 The first girl said, "I can't."
 Her friend, "Why can't you ignore it?"
 The first one says, "Because he's using my hand!"


Offline NicoleDoes

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Reply #2058 on: January 04, 2014, 02:29:43 PM
A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight and she has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up, and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is laying back and huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God, that was great!" She said, "Now I need my money."

The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs so then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and opens it to the word "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads: "HOOKER: a person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear", hands the dictionary to the hooker, and walks out the door. The hooker reads: "KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."


TinyDancer

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Reply #2059 on: January 04, 2014, 02:54:42 PM
Now that was too funny...WOO that, thanks for posting.


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