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Offline vinney

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Reply #1920 on: November 02, 2013, 07:19:26 PM
Jewish Sex   

No matter what Isaac the  husband did in bed; his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.' 
 
They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as! they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. 
 
'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.' 
 
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the same strapping young man. 
 
The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. 
 
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,

'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!'

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #1921 on: November 03, 2013, 12:14:40 PM
A family is driving in their car on holidays.

A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race." The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, "Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, "Could I please have another look at the dog?"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

gomez38555

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Reply #1922 on: November 03, 2013, 10:06:06 PM
Q: What does a Steelers fan do when his team wins the Super Bowl?
A: Puts the controller down and goes to bed.

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin Mobile


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1923 on: November 04, 2013, 12:29:30 AM
Vinney, Gomez, hilarious jokes!!!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline RopeFiend

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Reply #1924 on: November 04, 2013, 01:37:24 AM

Condoms don't protect you during sex....

I had a friend that was having sex while wearing a condom, and the woman's husband shot him anyway.

Remember the Golden Rule: you do me, and I\'ll do you (paraphrased)

Offline smugdingus

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Reply #1925 on: November 04, 2013, 06:30:20 AM
A BLONDE JOKE THAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE....

She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my
own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile,
'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the
young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature
and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead 'gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the
'gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration ......
"Son-of-a-bitch!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1926 on: November 04, 2013, 10:52:25 PM
lol That Blonde was hilarious! Loved your condom joke as well, RF.

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Janus

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Reply #1927 on: November 05, 2013, 01:03:16 AM


Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #1928 on: November 07, 2013, 03:27:40 PM
>>
>> On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped
>> to visit my aging friend.  He was busy covering his penis with
>> black shoe polish. I said to him, “you’ve really got to get
>> hearing aids.  You’re supposed to turn your clock back.”

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Janus

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Reply #1929 on: November 07, 2013, 03:32:30 PM
Thecia you gave me one hell of a laugh this morning. Thank you.


Offline DemonDelight

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Reply #1930 on: November 07, 2013, 03:58:32 PM


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #1931 on: November 07, 2013, 06:54:00 PM
It's one of those where you only have to change the name, DD.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Janus

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Reply #1932 on: November 07, 2013, 07:03:00 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on November 07, 2013, 06:54:00 PM
It's one of those where you only have to change the name, DD.

True, it could have been a pelosi or Reid fan too.


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #1933 on: November 07, 2013, 07:26:11 PM
Try POTUS 43

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline DemonDelight

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Reply #1934 on: November 07, 2013, 07:27:25 PM
Quote from: Janus on November 07, 2013, 07:03:00 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on November 07, 2013, 06:54:00 PM
It's one of those where you only have to change the name, DD.

True, it could have been a pelosi or Reid fan too.

Oh I know, Had it been Bush named I still would have laughed just as hard, probably more so with Clinton lol


Offline watcher1

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Reply #1935 on: November 07, 2013, 08:40:50 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on November 07, 2013, 06:54:00 PM
It's one of those where you only have to change the name, DD.

Gee, Katie.  Even in here?  Bend over. Let me slap you on your pretty little butt for being a naughty girl.   8)

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.

Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #1936 on: November 08, 2013, 10:10:36 AM
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."




Offline KinkyKacey

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Reply #1937 on: November 09, 2013, 04:45:12 AM
From a facebook group (sorry for annoying caps on every word):

The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Making Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman.

She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”

Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”

She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!”

And The Husband Began –

Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.

She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.

I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.

So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.

Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.

Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.

I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.

I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.

The Husband Took A Quick Breath And Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,

“Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn't Use?“

Bliss is Your Birthright: Make Sure To Orgasm Daily!

gomez38555

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Reply #1938 on: November 09, 2013, 09:54:29 AM
there's a word of warning there somewhere.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1939 on: November 10, 2013, 03:44:22 AM
OUCH! lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

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