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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1820 on: September 30, 2013, 04:17:44 PM
lol THAT was hilarious!!!! Thanks!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #1821 on: September 30, 2013, 04:36:32 PM
On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

 She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"



Offline Lippy

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Reply #1822 on: September 30, 2013, 08:11:56 PM
A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour,
"What's the camel for?"
The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel."
The captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant,
"Is that how the enlisted men do it?" 
The sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."



TinyDancer

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Reply #1823 on: October 01, 2013, 01:49:00 PM
Who is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed.

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1824 on: October 01, 2013, 05:29:45 PM
Thank you, TD! I can't stop laughing :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #1825 on: October 02, 2013, 12:37:40 AM
On the first day,  God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.For this, I will give you a  life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be  barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other  ten?" And God saw that it was  good.

On the second  day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and  make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life  span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a  pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog  did?"
And God, again saw that it  was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under  the sun, have calves, and give milk to  support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of  sixty five years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want  me to live for sixty five years.
How about twenty and I'll give back the other  forty five?" And God agreed that it  was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat,  sleep, play, marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only  twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,
the forty five the cow gave  back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty five, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty  years, we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy  ourselves.

For the next forty five  years, we slave in the sun to support our  family.

For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the  grandchildren.

And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and  bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. 

There is no need to  thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking  for me, I will be on my front  porch.

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


TinyDancer

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Reply #1826 on: October 02, 2013, 02:22:08 PM
Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!" The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where t hey landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?" The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy...any guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1827 on: October 02, 2013, 08:41:59 PM
Gotta love stupid alien jokes! lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #1828 on: October 04, 2013, 04:16:55 AM

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline vinney

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Reply #1829 on: October 04, 2013, 12:56:40 PM

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


gomez38555

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Reply #1830 on: October 04, 2013, 01:56:41 PM


evidently they like 20 min. eggs  ;D



Offline vinney

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Reply #1831 on: October 04, 2013, 05:54:08 PM

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline TheGriffon

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Reply #1832 on: October 05, 2013, 04:19:53 AM
With a very seductive voice the wife asks her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
 
"No," said her husband.
 
She gives him a sexy smile, unbuttons her blouse, and reaches down into the cleavage and pulls out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
 
He takes the Twenty Dollar bill and smiles approvingly.
 
She then asks him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
 
"Uh.......no, I haven't," he said.
 
She gives him a sexy smile, pulls up her skirt and reaches into her panties and pulls out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
 
He takes the Fifty Dollar and starts to breath a little quicker with anticipation.
 
"Now," she says, "Have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"
 
"No way!!" he says while obviously becoming even more aroused.
 
She replies, "Go look in the garage,..."



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1833 on: October 05, 2013, 05:10:19 AM
Ouch! ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


TinyDancer

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Reply #1834 on: October 05, 2013, 04:09:13 PM
A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with
her sex life.
The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a
clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked,
"Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did he look?"
"Very angry"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and
he said,
"Well, that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me,
you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that
seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window at me."



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1835 on: October 05, 2013, 04:55:23 PM
That explains it VERY well, lol ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Janus

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Reply #1836 on: October 06, 2013, 01:46:24 PM
Harry was sick and tired of being constantly badgered by his wife Barbara for spending so much time at the bar. Hoping it would help matters, Harry invited Barbara along with him.
“So what would you like?” Harry cordially asked, as she took her seat next to him. “Oh I don’t know” Barbara replied, “I guess I’ll take the same thing as you.”
“OK” said Harry to the bartender, “we’ll take two Johnny Walker’s on the rocks!”
Barbara barely took a sip of the drink before she started gagging “Oh my gosh! Get me a cup of water! This stuff is horrible! How do you drink this garbage?”
“See?” said Harry “and you think I come here just to have a good time?!“…




TinyDancer

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Reply #1837 on: October 06, 2013, 02:55:50 PM
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

 After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

 A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

 Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #1838 on: October 06, 2013, 08:13:36 PM
It's nice to know she understood the pastor. ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #1839 on: October 06, 2013, 09:28:23 PM
This old bloke goes into an old folks home because he keeps falling over and his son can"t keep his eye on him all the time.

On his first day in the home, a female nurse comes along to give him a wash and she notices he has a slight erection. With that, she gives him a blow job.He gets straight on the phone to his son, telling him that he just got a gobble and what a wonderful place it was.

The following, day he"s walking down a corridor and he falls over -suddenly, from behind, a male nurse gives him one up the arse. He gets straight on the phone to his son again and says "get me out of here, a male nurse just banged me up the arse."

His son says, "look, dad, so you took one up the arse - you got a blow job yesterday, you have to take the rough with the smooth."

The old bloke says, "fuck off, I get a hard on three times a year but I fall over three times a fucking day."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.