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Offline Fish

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Reply #3260 on: November 17, 2016, 01:21:58 AM
WOO Vinney! Good and clean, and that's not always easy!

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.

Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3261 on: November 17, 2016, 07:20:49 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline vinney

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Reply #3262 on: November 17, 2016, 11:23:16 PM
Quote from: forgetfulish on November 17, 2016, 01:21:58 AM
WOO Vinney! Good and clean, and that's not always easy!

Thank you... good and clean... sure makes a change...!!  ;D

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

TinyDancer

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Reply #3263 on: November 27, 2016, 12:37:52 PM
“A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.”


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3264 on: November 28, 2016, 02:21:19 AM
lol Good one, TD!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Hoss

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Reply #3265 on: November 28, 2016, 04:27:19 AM
  All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

  Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

  Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and  Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

  The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

  After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
 
  Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

  Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for
use as a mixer..

  It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...

Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3266 on: November 28, 2016, 03:13:29 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3267 on: November 28, 2016, 10:28:08 PM
Two men are sitting in a bar. One starts to insults the other.
"I slept with your mother!"
Everyon in the bar gets quiet, waiting to see what the other guy will do.
The first guy then yells "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!"
Finally the other guy says "Go home, dad, you're drunk."

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3268 on: November 30, 2016, 07:04:41 AM
To be found printed on my next t-shirt:

"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #3269 on: November 30, 2016, 04:20:37 PM


A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline Hoss

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Reply #3270 on: December 01, 2016, 01:54:50 AM
Time for a small dose of Political Incorrectness...(keep in mind this is a "Joke of the Day" Thread....


We live in Perth, Australia, and the missus decided for the first time
to wear a Burka for a week just to see what the reaction would be.
The first morning she was sworn at, punched on the nose,
kicked up the arse, and received death threats.
Heaven knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house

__._,_.___

 
I've caught a stray parrot in my garden.
All he says is, "Good morning you ugly prick."
The parrot isn't yours is it?
XXX
 
I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.
Just had one from the sperm bank.
Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
XXX 
 
 
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point.
The question I got wrong was, 'Where do most women have curly hair?'
Apparently, it's Africa.
XXX
 
   
My girlfriend told me I was no longer romantic so I
booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night.
Unfortunately she isn't interested in Snooker & Darts.
XXX
 
There's a new Muslim
clothing shop opened in Bondi, but I've been
banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.
XXX
 
You can justifiably say lots of bad things about paedophiles,
but at least they drive slowly past schools.
XXX
 
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I   asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a
moustache."
XXX

 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...

Offline vinney

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Reply #3271 on: December 05, 2016, 12:19:59 PM
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied...

"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..I just lost it.

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #3272 on: December 05, 2016, 03:57:13 PM
The Marine Pilot

 

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.

 

He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.

 

He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him, looking very worried.


It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation!

 

The nurse gave him a serious look straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly,
enunciating each word, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

 

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"

 

And that, my friends, is a Marine with a real positive attitude.

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline Hoss

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Reply #3273 on: December 06, 2016, 12:10:41 AM

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a
local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.  Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am.  Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like
you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up.  Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong
way, but when is the last time you had sex?

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill
out! I mean, no sex since 1955!  She took his hand and led him to a private
room where she proceeded to "relax" him.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only
2130 now."


 :emot_laughing: :emot_laughing:

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...

TinyDancer

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Reply #3274 on: December 09, 2016, 02:01:40 PM
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
 Arlene: What in the hell is that?
 Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
 Arlene: Where did you get it?
 Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
 The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
 announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
 The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
 'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
 The pharmacist fainted.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3275 on: December 09, 2016, 03:44:02 PM
These kinky Senior Citizens! :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3276 on: December 09, 2016, 05:02:55 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3277 on: December 09, 2016, 07:17:21 PM
Hair Spray - Works On All Kinds Of Worms


;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3278 on: December 09, 2016, 07:45:54 PM
Woman goes to her gynocologist.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"There's something wrong with my vagina. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica inside of it."

"Let me take a look then."

The gynocologist takes a look.

"Those aren't postage stamps. They're the stickers off of bananas."



"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3279 on: December 14, 2016, 03:43:52 AM
My niece asked Alexa to tell her a joke today.   The response.........

"I remember the first time I was on an elevator.   It was an uplifting experience,
my second time on an elevator was a bit of a let down."

It took me a while to explain it to her.

.
          You might not know this, but I have a thing for Tom Brady (and Bill Clinton)
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POY 2016

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