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TinyDancer

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Reply #320 on: June 12, 2012, 02:33:19 PM

Black Box

Three old black ladies were getting ready to take a plane across the ocean.

The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gonna wear me some hot pink panties before I gets on that plane."

"Why you gonna wear dat?" the other two asked.

The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dere laying butt-up in a corn field, dey gonna find me first."

The second lady says, "Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some fluorescent orange panties."

"Why you gonna wear dat?" the others asked.

The second lady answered: "Cause if dis here plane is goin' down and I'm floating butt-up in the ocean, dey can see me first."

The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not going to wear any panties......

"What? No panties?!" the others said in disbelief.

"Dat's right you heard me. I'm not wearing any panties," the third lady said, "cause if dis plane goes down, dey always look for dat black box first."



coacheric

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Reply #321 on: June 12, 2012, 02:39:27 PM
Good one Becca, didn't see that one coming



Offline vinney

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Reply #322 on: June 12, 2012, 03:26:06 PM
 :emot_laughing:

Good one Becca...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


coacheric

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Reply #323 on: June 12, 2012, 03:33:26 PM
Great additions to the thread Janus

WOO



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #324 on: June 12, 2012, 11:02:16 PM
Love those jokes with a twist, Janus. And the black box was hilarious, TD!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #325 on: June 14, 2012, 01:11:49 AM
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!

Russian: Sir we got a huge order from usa for 16 inch condoms. I think it is to embarass us.
Boss: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE.

Why is a woman's pubic hair curly?
So that it won't poke a man in the eye!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u hav to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

70 ways to make a woman happy: No. 1 is shopping & the rest is '69'.

What is Female Viagra
Jewellery.

Why are condoms transparent?
So that sperms can atleast enjoy the scene, even if their entry is restricted...!

What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Woman trying to do a Man's job!

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #326 on: June 18, 2012, 01:29:59 AM
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed

'Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me.'

'But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead?'

'You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #327 on: June 18, 2012, 01:33:15 AM
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy.

He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."

"That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #328 on: June 18, 2012, 01:40:22 AM
Newly married couple, both sex addicts, husband comes downstairs in the morning and the wife asks what he'd like for breakfast.

"Oh I think I'll have a shag please!"

So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work.

Husband comes home for lunch, "What would you like for lunch dear?"

"Oh I think I'll have a shag please!" So again they shag and he returns to work.

Half an hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the banister!

"What are you doin?" he shouts.

She replies, "I'm warming up your dinner!!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #329 on: June 18, 2012, 01:43:28 AM
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #330 on: June 18, 2012, 01:46:54 AM
So this guy's tired of life and fed up with not getting sex, so he goes to join the monastery. But there's a recruitment test. As the Abbott explains to the ten potential recruits, "My sons, we must be sure that you won't be troubled by sexual impulses if join the order. So we have a test for all our prospective members. Take your clothes off, sit on the bench, and attach this bell to the end of your penis. When the naked woman comes into the room, any man whose bell rings will have failed the test. He won't be allowed to join our order, and must leave at once, for he will be sorely troubled with sexual thoughts while he is in our midst."

So the men, young and old alike, sit on the bench with a little bell tied to the end of their cocks, waiting expectantly. Then the most beautiful young blonde with big tits waltzes into the room and starts walking slowly down the line, teasing the men as she goes. Not a sound. Not a single erection, not a single bell rings. Until she gets to the end of the line and pushes her butt into the man's face.

Well, it's all too much for him - his cock shoots up, the bell rings furiously and goes flying off across the room with the force of his erection. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, confused and embarrassed, "I'll just pick it up and leave." So he bends down, naked butt upwards, balls dangling, and from behind him comes the tinkling of nine little bells....

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #331 on: June 18, 2012, 02:39:08 AM
So the goat understood him when he asked 'Who's seen MY cock?' lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline SouthernGent

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Reply #332 on: June 18, 2012, 04:17:43 AM
Vinny!!! Thanks, I have needed a good laugh all weekend.

The Gentleman Freak.


TinyDancer

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Reply #333 on: June 19, 2012, 01:40:39 PM
Thanks vinney for all the good laughs....woo woo woo!     :emot_kiss:



Offline prof

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Reply #334 on: June 19, 2012, 02:47:22 PM
Just found this and it made my day. Thanks vinney (and have a woo!)

You're not inferior - It's just that everyone else is better than you.


TinyDancer

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Reply #335 on: June 19, 2012, 09:22:27 PM

Slip Of The Tongue

 A guy boards a train bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a deeply bruised, black eye. "Heck, what a coincidence! We both have black eyes! Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

 "Well," explains the man, "I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with beautiful breasts was behind the counter. When I asked to purchase a ticket to Pittsburgh, I accidentally blurted out 'I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh' and so she sucker-punched me!" The man continues, "What's your story?"

 The other guy explains, "I was at the breakfast table and I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties,' but I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you stupid bitch.'"



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #336 on: June 19, 2012, 11:26:41 PM
Hmmm, who would 'accidently' say "You ruined my life, you stupid b***h"? lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline TPPM

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Reply #337 on: June 19, 2012, 11:28:42 PM
Someone who's really not thinking of his filters and says what he's really thinking.

Tim


Offline shadownibles

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Reply #338 on: June 19, 2012, 11:38:44 PM
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers.
A. Well hung.

Q. What do lesbians and Wheat Thins have in common.
A. One is a Snack Cracker and the other is a Crack Snack-er.

Q. Why do they smear shit on the walls of a (use any social/ethnic group or county) Rednecks wedding.
A. To keep the flies off the bride.

Q Why do they call "Camels" the Ships of the desert.
A.Because they are full or Iranian sea men.


 



Offline vinney

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Reply #339 on: June 20, 2012, 12:33:53 AM
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.