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Offline herschel

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Reply #3140 on: March 09, 2016, 08:53:14 AM
Great history lesson! I love useless knowledge!


Offline anvil

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Reply #3141 on: April 03, 2016, 12:48:07 AM
1947
The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little More than 66 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and Mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico .

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by
The U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations..
 
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, Nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:
 
Barrack Obama Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden
 
This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and
Jack-asses.
 
I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It
Certainly did for me.

And now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help Illegal Aliens .

Thank you Lois on the pic help!

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari

Offline staci

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Reply #3142 on: April 08, 2016, 04:13:38 PM

Many years ago, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
 
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"
 
"It's John, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John, she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles.


Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."
 
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
 
"Oh, come on now" Elizabeth insisted.
 
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak.  "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."
 
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.


So I'd best go now."
 
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly.  "She won't know  anything.  By the way, where is she?"
 
"Still under the cart, I  guess" I said.

one of the originals

Offline watcher1

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Reply #3143 on: April 08, 2016, 07:30:20 PM
Hmm...I better start riding a cart from now on instead of walking.   8)

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Offline vinney

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Reply #3144 on: April 12, 2016, 12:42:32 AM


Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."


If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3145 on: April 14, 2016, 12:14:37 AM
Makes sense.



lol

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #3146 on: April 17, 2016, 10:16:47 AM
So HE'S the one...blast him...


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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3147 on: April 17, 2016, 04:04:55 PM
Hahahaha.   Cute Mr V.    I suppose there has been a time or two I've been told I talk a little too much.   

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Offline ObiDongKenobi

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Reply #3148 on: April 17, 2016, 05:13:07 PM

Princess, would you like to see it light up and hum when I wave it about

Offline ozwolf01

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Reply #3149 on: April 17, 2016, 07:22:38 PM
Quote from: anvil on April 03, 2016, 12:48:07 AM
1947
The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little More than 66 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and Mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico .

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by
The U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations..
 
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, Nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:
 
Barrack Obama Sr.
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden
 
This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and
Jack-asses.
 
I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It
Certainly did for me.

And now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help Illegal Aliens .

Thank you Lois on the pic help!

This would be funnier if any of those births were true. On the other hand Terry Pratchett was born in April 48, which would explain a lot...


Offline ozwolf01

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Reply #3150 on: April 17, 2016, 07:25:05 PM
If a man who thinks women are inferior is called a misogynist, what do you call a woman who thinks men are inferior?
Married!


Offline herschel

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Reply #3151 on: April 17, 2016, 10:40:06 PM
Back during my college days, I knew a really cool co-ed, white as the driven snow, very attractive. She was the girlfriend of a buddy of mine, cool guy, tall, dark & handsome, son of an eastern potentate from one of those countries bordering on Egypt. So at a party one time I asked, just as a way to start the conversation, what she had in mind for a career after she graduated (the campus equivalent of 'what do you want to be when you grow up?'). With no hesitation, she shot back "A misanthrope." I had a good laugh at that. I told her that would be a very fertile field, maybe not very lucrative, but lots of psychological satisfaction.


Offline redhatlover

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Reply #3152 on: April 20, 2016, 02:13:55 PM
Did you hear about the guy addicted to brake fluid?  Said he could stop anytime!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline staci

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Reply #3153 on: May 01, 2016, 03:00:34 AM






 




On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:







 "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females.



 


Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."



 


He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.



 



Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.



 



Are there any questions?"



 


At this point, a older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired:



 


"How much for a season pass???"

one of the originals

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3154 on: May 01, 2016, 04:59:31 AM
If you have to ask you can't afford it. :^)

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline None

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Reply #3155 on: May 01, 2016, 04:34:58 PM
Why don't cows have feet?

Because they lactose.


Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3156 on: May 03, 2016, 05:00:53 PM
That was a true laugh out loud one, Gravity. 

Thanks!

 :-*
Jules

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Offline MintJulie

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Reply #3157 on: May 04, 2016, 05:58:25 PM
Quote from: Gravity on May 04, 2016, 03:15:37 PM
Lead Me Not Into Temptation…




An Apple product, I'll bite.    Looking at the ipad pro.  I will wait until Sept announcement though.

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Offline msslave

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Reply #3158 on: May 06, 2016, 04:17:56 PM
Just Another Blond Joke

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline herschel

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Reply #3159 on: May 08, 2016, 06:50:20 AM
LMAO  :emot_laughing:


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