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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3120 on: January 21, 2016, 08:39:51 PM
For a woman to walk up to her neighbor's house and say that, either she's very bold, or somewhat ditzy... Just sayin'

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline vinney

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Reply #3121 on: January 24, 2016, 02:24:32 PM
A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate time of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline vinney

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Reply #3122 on: January 24, 2016, 04:44:56 PM
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighbourhood bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.

"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop having sex with his wife."

"So stop," the barkeep said.

"I can't," the womaniser replied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't sign his name!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline anvil

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Reply #3123 on: January 26, 2016, 05:11:37 PM
perhaps this should be in politics, but it sure made me laugh!

 

Quote
Tyrone was having trouble in school; his teacher was always  yelling at him, ?You?re driving me crazy, Tyrone; Can?t you learn  anything??


One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing.
The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster,
getting very low marks, and that she had never
had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching
career.



Tyrone?s mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son
from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.



25
years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease.
Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which
only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform.



Left with
no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was
remarkably successful.



When she opened her eyes after the surgery
she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling
down at her.



She wanted to thank him, but could not
talk.



Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to
tell him something, but quickly died. The doctor was shocked, wondering
what went wrong so suddenly.



When the
doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Tyrone, now a janitor at
the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment
in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.



If you thought
that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that
you will vote for Hillary.





Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3124 on: January 26, 2016, 10:42:03 PM
That made you laugh??? :o

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3125 on: January 27, 2016, 12:58:28 AM
With that last sentence it does belong in politics or 1408.

Without the last sentence it is humorous.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3126 on: January 28, 2016, 07:24:38 AM
Death...not so funny.

Actually, the joke's stupid. The surgery went well. There was no need for her to be on life support at any time. -shaking my head-

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3127 on: January 30, 2016, 03:54:16 AM
A young couple had been married for a short period of time. Then one day, as mother in-laws often do, she entered the house unannounced and found her daughter in-law buck naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?" Asked the mother in-law.
"Waiting for my husband to come home," The daughter in-law said unashamed.
"But you're naked."
"It's my birthday suit," The young woman smiled. "He just loves to come home and see me in it."
So after the older woman left, she couldn't stop thinking about what her daughter in-law had said.
So when she got home she showered, did her hair, put on makeup and perfume and layid on the couch naked.
When her husband came home he asked "What are you doing?"
"I'm wearing my birthday suit," The wife smiled.
"It's winkled," He said. "So what's for dinner?"

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline pineman

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Reply #3128 on: January 30, 2016, 05:49:29 AM
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy.



Offline anvil

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Reply #3129 on: January 31, 2016, 05:39:17 AM
Well, forewarned is prepared.

I think there is a lot of cheap entertainment going about due to the coming election. Too bad it has to be for the presidency. You could full in the name of St least two different candidates from each party and it would still be funny.

So try this non political one.

Quote
I hate getting shit for wearing my Daisy. Dukes, its nice out and I like showing off my body.

I'm really getting tired of the rude remarks "your legs are hairy, and your dicks hanging out!"

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari


Offline vinney

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Reply #3130 on: January 31, 2016, 11:34:07 PM

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.


Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #3131 on: February 01, 2016, 05:14:10 PM
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol,         'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

                 So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

                After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

                Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

                Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,

                'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'              

                'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.

                Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

                She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ......
                
                'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3132 on: February 01, 2016, 06:25:40 PM
Ouch ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #3133 on: February 01, 2016, 06:54:56 PM
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

 :emot_laughing:


There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline anvil

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Reply #3134 on: February 19, 2016, 10:15:42 AM

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari


Offline anvil

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Reply #3135 on: February 21, 2016, 04:07:28 PM

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari


Offline anvil

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Reply #3136 on: February 21, 2016, 04:25:13 PM

Sorry for the dp, I'm trying to figure out how to post pics, not just the url


That didn't work. I tried following Gina's how to but no luck.

Any advice?

(I fixed it.  You have to close the image tag with [/img] - Lois)
« Last Edit: February 26, 2016, 05:09:47 AM by Lois »

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3137 on: February 21, 2016, 10:00:22 PM
A mother and her young son were driving through the country one day.
They happened upon a horse, and its long cock was unsheathed. It was as long as her husband's arm.
The boy asked about it, but his embarrassed mother evaded his questions.
Finally he asked "Is he sick, mom?"
"I wish your father was half that sick..."

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Lois

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Reply #3138 on: February 26, 2016, 05:08:34 AM
"I went to a website (wayfair.com) to look at a couch and it would not let me look around without giving an email address, so I put in "fuckyou@fuckyou.com". It accepted the address and popped up a message "Welcome back, looks like you've already signed up!". Guess I'm not the only one...."



Offline anvil

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Reply #3139 on: March 09, 2016, 04:21:34 AM

Railroad gauge

Railroad Tracks

The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.
 
That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
 
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
 
Why did 'they' use that gauge then?
 
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?
 
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
 
So, who built those old rutted roads?
 
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?
 
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match
for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
 
Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches
is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.
 
In other words, bureaucracies live forever.
 
So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder, 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right.
 
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank.
 
These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.  The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.
 
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.
 
The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
 
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature
of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.

And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important!

Now you know, Horses' Asses control almost everything.

Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn't it?
 
 
 

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari