KRISTEN'S BOARD
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watasch · **Reply #3100 on:** December 25, 2015, 06:18:59 PM

Should that not read "Krampus says, I want to eat you"?

Krampus, for those who haven't looked it up, is the antithesis of St. Nick

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3101 on:** December 25, 2015, 07:46:43 PM

Krampus is also a a period of about two weeks in December in connection with the Krampus persona.

watasch · **Reply #3102 on:** December 25, 2015, 08:03:01 PM

Now I will tell my "ladies" I am helping Krampus!

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3103 on:** December 25, 2015, 08:56:04 PM

What are you doing helping Krampus?!?

lol

anvil · **Reply #3104 on:** January 10, 2016, 11:15:36 AM

Subject: Harley Biker

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Louisiana when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says,' Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed.
I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I' m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

That pretty much sums up the media ' s approach to the news these days!

Katiebee · **Reply #3105 on:** January 10, 2016, 03:48:49 PM

There is a lot of yellow journalism going on.

The liberal media isn't the worst offender.

The pundits, the distinctly a political blogs and news letter sites are the ones to beware of.

watasch · **Reply #3106 on:** January 10, 2016, 03:52:29 PM

And it was a good joke! regardless of the editorial attached

vinney · **Reply #3107 on:** January 11, 2016, 12:12:25 PM

Little Guy
Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar.
He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone.
He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women. The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that would jump from the rich guy's pocket.
The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger.
Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while.
The barman went over and asked the guy what was up.
So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story. I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp. I rub it, and a genie popped out. I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy.
Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both.
"The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?"
"Oh, that," mumbles the rich guy. "That's the twelve-inch prick I wished for."

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3108 on:** January 11, 2016, 01:21:19 PM

At least that's better than the one where the guy asks the Genie to make him hung like a Black man...

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3109 on:** January 11, 2016, 10:43:07 PM

Seems I got a BOO for the above statement. I hoped you also BOOed the persons who told the joke, I know i've seen it told twice somewhere here in Joke Of The Day.

vinney · **Reply #3110 on:** January 12, 2016, 11:34:47 AM

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3111 on:** January 12, 2016, 12:40:21 PM

Bust - ed! lol

vinney · **Reply #3112 on:** January 13, 2016, 11:27:41 AM

anvil · **Reply #3113 on:** January 19, 2016, 08:16:41 PM

Einstein developed and proved this remarkable formula: Energy = Mass x Speed of Light squared. He was a brilliant genius as we all know.

Another lesser known of Einstein's formulas determined if you were to strip naked and run around in a tight circle at the speed of

186,282 miles/sec (the speed of light) it could be possible for you to come up behind and screw yourself!

Should you determine you are not physically capable of reaching that speed at your age however, you can easily achieve the same result by voting for Hillary Clinton in the November 8, 2016 election

msslave · **Reply #3114 on:** January 19, 2016, 10:47:00 PM

Somehow, I find that thought more scary than funny.

Hell + Handbasket = The November Election

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3115 on:** January 19, 2016, 10:50:41 PM

It is scary, because this is The Joke Of The Day, now The Political Fact Of The Day...Anvil ;-) lol

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #3116 on:** January 19, 2016, 10:51:47 PM

anvil · **Reply #3117 on:** January 21, 2016, 03:36:10 PM

I wasn't sure if I should place it here or in politics!

But the real joke here is you could change Hillary for Trump and its just as funny!

anvil · **Reply #3118 on:** January 21, 2016, 03:37:36 PM

:

I'm a guy, single. She lives right across the street.
I can see her place from my kitchen window.
I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.
I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have sex tonight. Are you doing anything?"
I replied, "Nope, I'm free!"
"Great," she said. "Can you watch my dog?"

There are times when being a senior citizen really stinks!

msslave · **Reply #3119 on:** January 21, 2016, 06:37:18 PM

Thanks for rubbing it in, Anvil! That's where this senior has been for the past few years. Taking two dogs to the dog park. Both ladies are really hot too. At least I still have memories of younger days.

Joke of the Day