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Offline vinney

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  • Excuse me ma'am... you're sitting on my tonka toy.
Reply #3080 on: December 04, 2015, 12:05:52 AM
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in London.

With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humour!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologise, when the Blonde yells: "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee.”

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline staci

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Reply #3081 on: December 06, 2015, 02:19:21 AM

one of the originals

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #3082 on: December 06, 2015, 03:03:41 PM


Offline Dirtymind

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Reply #3083 on: December 09, 2015, 04:32:30 PM
So my girlfriend flew up this morning for a business meeting.

After a tiny breakfast, she asked the flight attendant for another one.....thinking fast......because shes pregnant.

Flying back later, she got on the plane and ordered a bottle of wine.

Guess who is the attendant?  ;D

Should I bail her out if she's arrested for child endangerment?


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3084 on: December 11, 2015, 04:07:43 PM
Overheard said by a woman:

"Sure, I would love to eat healthy. But then I think about Eve, how she ate an apple and doomed the whole human race. So I don't know, don't think i'll risk it".

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #3085 on: December 11, 2015, 11:57:47 PM
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for.

Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear.

The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms."

The third nurse fainted.

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline msslave

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Reply #3086 on: December 14, 2015, 04:15:52 PM
Good Vinnie.  I first heard that with Nuns playing a prank on a priest when they found condoms in his room.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline msslave

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Reply #3087 on: December 14, 2015, 04:16:45 PM
 
The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist
Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors." The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again.  Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again!
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline msslave

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Reply #3088 on: December 14, 2015, 06:33:44 PM
Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick.

So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"

'Is your daddy home?'

Small voice whispered,  'Yes, he's out in the garden'

'May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No'

So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?'

'Yes she's out in the garden too'

The boss asked; ‘May I talk with her?'



Again the ' No'.

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes' whispered the child, 'a policeman'.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, He's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men.'

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

'It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

'The search team just landed a helicopter'

'A   search team?' said the boss. 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... 'ME'

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #3089 on: December 14, 2015, 08:55:57 PM
OMG....I Love It....!!!
That reminds me of the time when I was little I climbed up a huge pine tree to hide from everybody, but I was to scared to climb down and the Fire department had to rescue me.

Love,
Liz


Offline redhatlover

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Reply #3090 on: December 14, 2015, 09:32:30 PM
I accidentally locked myself in a closet when I was three.  It took my parents four hours to find me.  I was terrified out of my mind and they were about nuts when they found me.  They were both hard of hearing and the clothes in the closet muffled my screams.

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline vinney

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Reply #3091 on: December 15, 2015, 12:14:10 AM
Quote from: Elizabeth on December 14, 2015, 08:55:57 PM
OMG....I Love It....!!!
That reminds me of the time when I was little I climbed up a huge pine tree to hide from everybody, but I was to scared to climb down and the Fire department had to rescue me.

Love,
Liz


Liz you little devil... you'd do anything to get carried away by a fireman...

vinney :emot_laughing:

ps did he bite you...?

:emot_kiss:
« Last Edit: December 15, 2015, 12:16:00 AM by vinney »

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Offline wanker77

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Reply #3092 on: December 17, 2015, 04:55:22 AM
"I finally found a perfect girl
I could not ask for more
Shes deaf and dumb and oversexed
And owns a liquor store"


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3093 on: December 17, 2015, 03:13:04 PM
Which may mean she's fucking all of her customers too... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3094 on: December 21, 2015, 01:23:33 AM
Grandfather explaining The Circle Of Life to his grandson.

Grandfather: See, take fishing. Fish eats worm, man eats fish!

Grandson: Who eats man?

Grandfather: That's the beauty of it! We're at the top of the food chain. And we're Americans! We're WAY at the top!

Grandson: But that's not a circle.

Grandfather: Okay, how about this? Fish eats worm, we eat fish, then when we die the worms eat us!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

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Reply #3095 on: December 21, 2015, 09:57:22 AM
OH OH OH!

(Santa climaxing)


Offline Meatbot

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Reply #3096 on: December 21, 2015, 11:17:20 AM

That's the noise he makes when he cums down the chimney.

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3097 on: December 21, 2015, 10:09:41 PM
Damn it! That's how the fire went out! :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #3098 on: December 22, 2015, 03:27:41 PM


Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol .

 

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.  What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?  A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:

 

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.  She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!  Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....

 

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.  It's one of the best pistols in my collection!  Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible.

 

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #3099 on: December 25, 2015, 05:53:52 AM
[This one will go RIGHT over your head if you don't know WHAT Krampus is and WHO Krampus is... :P ]


Billy Squier sings "Christmas is a time to say 'I love you' "
Well, if that's the case, Krampus is the time to say "I want to eat you"




;-)



:P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

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