Oh, the good old days.
FOR THOSE
OF US WHO
REMEMBER
Hollywood
Squares:
These
great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what
is a good reason for pounding
meat?
A.
Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The
audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the
show!)
Q. Do female
frogs croak?
A.
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water
long enough.
Q. If you're
going to make a parachute jump, at least how
high should you be
A.
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q. True
or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000
years...
A.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've
been having trouble going to sleep. Are you
probably a man or a
woman?
A..
Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q. According to
Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think that
he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask
him if he's married?
A..
Rose Marie: No, wait until
morning.
Q. Which
of your five senses tends to diminish as you get
older?
A.
Charley Weaver: My sense of
decency..
Q. In
Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to
say 'I Love You'?
A.
Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What
are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get
Enough'?
A.
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from
the next apartment.
Q. As
you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or
less with your hands while
talking?
A.
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture
you'll never forget.
Q. Paul,
why do Hell's Angels wear
leather?
A.
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too
easily.
Q.. Charley,
you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are
you going to get any during the first
year?
A..
Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In
bowling, what's a perfect
score?
A.
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin
boy.
Q. It is
considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects
at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the
other?
A.
Paul Lynde: Tape
measures..
Q. During
a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in
the closet?
A.
Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe
in the bedroom.
Q. Can
boys join the Camp Fire
Girls?
A..
Marty Allen: Only after lights
out.
Q. When
you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A.
Paul Lynde: Make him
bark?
Q. If
you were pregnant for two years, what would you
give birth to?
A.
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
afraid of the dark..
Q. According
to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of
people?
A.
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the
army.
Q. It
is the most abused and neglected part of your
body, what is it?
A.
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly
isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the
old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on
his head, what was he trying to
do?
A.
George Gobel: Get it in his
mouth.
Q. Who
stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your
wife or your elephant?
A.
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my
elephant?
Q. When a
couple have a baby, who is responsible for its
sex?
A..
Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest
is up to him
Q. Jackie
Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on
at least two occasions. What are
they?
A.
Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According
to Ann Landers, what are two things you should
never do in bed?
A.
Paul Lynde: Point and
laugh
-------------------
WE
DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW
OLD,
WE GROW
OLD BECAUSE WE STOP
LAUGHING