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Offline anvil

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Reply #2880 on: March 30, 2015, 08:46:31 PM
A roman walks into a bar and orders a martunis,

The bartender asks, " don't you mean a martini?"

Roman: if I wanted 2 I would have ordered 2.

Another Roman walks in, holds up two fingers and asks for

" five beers please"

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2881 on: March 30, 2015, 09:45:14 PM
Anvil, numeri, non a iocus.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline anvil

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Reply #2882 on: March 30, 2015, 10:16:29 PM
hey, 5 beers are certainly nothing to non a iocus about!

unless its lone star or Coors light!

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2883 on: March 30, 2015, 10:29:54 PM
lol English does seem to be a tough language to translate to. :P

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline anvil

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Reply #2884 on: March 31, 2015, 06:40:47 PM
what's the difference between Hobby Lobby and Indiana?

Hobby Lobby won.   :roll:

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Offline anvil

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Reply #2885 on: March 31, 2015, 06:52:50 PM
what's the difference between Hobby Lobby and Indiana?

Nothing.   :roll:

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Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2886 on: April 01, 2015, 05:06:09 AM
The difference between lone star and coors is a 1000 mile trip over bumpy roads under a hot sun.

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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2887 on: April 02, 2015, 04:31:03 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on April 01, 2015, 05:06:09 AM
The difference between lone star and coors is a 1000 mile trip over bumpy roads under a hot sun.

LOL...Your father told you that..!!!
 :D
Love,
Liz


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2888 on: April 02, 2015, 10:40:56 PM
He ought to know, he grew up 40 miles from the Coors brewery.

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Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2889 on: April 03, 2015, 08:34:32 PM
This may have been here before, but I like it.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the
other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no
after life at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word,
he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's
off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more
times..
Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another
romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the
afternoon.
After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and
then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Texas."

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline anvil

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Reply #2890 on: April 06, 2015, 01:33:35 AM
been there, done that! he nailed it for sure!



Katiebee,

your Coors trip reminded me of when i was in Memphis for school.

Coors was not " legal" across the Mississippi river. a friend and I were logging flight hours. we flew home to Denver and loaded up with cases of  Coors, and made a killing at the air station! paid for the trip!

Coors was good then, but it hasn't aged very well.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2015, 01:40:34 AM by anvil »

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Offline anvil

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Reply #2891 on: April 06, 2015, 02:48:15 PM
about the nail or the beer run?  :)

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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2892 on: April 06, 2015, 06:56:16 PM
I don't think Anvil got as much for his beer run as The Bandit did. :P

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2893 on: April 06, 2015, 10:14:26 PM
I made a few bucks doing that when I left Ft Sill in '76.  Sold half to my buddies at FT Leonard wood on the way to Milwaukee, sold most of the rest there.  I had two cases left when I got to Ft Stewart.  When I mentioned it at my new shop, one guy offered my $15 for a six on the spot.  He got his six, and I sold the rest at a more reasonable price.

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline anvil

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Reply #2894 on: April 07, 2015, 10:22:41 PM
yup, the difference in the cost of moonshine vs a bottle of Coors was,,,,close, but a weekend in Boulder vs Memphis Naval Air station was,,, priceless.  ;)

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Offline msslave

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Reply #2895 on: April 09, 2015, 11:33:30 PM
A golfer comes off the course and goes into the club house.  Glancing into the card room he sees four people playing a game of poker. What's remarkable is that one of the players is a dog.  He watches for a while and the dog seems to be holding his own in the game.

Remarking on the amazing abilities of the dog, he asks how the pup's doing.  The dogs owner grumbles and says, "He's lousy.  Every time he gets a really good hand, he wags his tail."

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline vinney

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Reply #2896 on: April 14, 2015, 11:25:36 AM
Maybe an old 'un but a good 'un...

A Man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want?'

'God replied, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. Look at the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete, asphalt and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she  means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. '

God replied: 'You want two lanes, or four, on that bridge?'


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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2897 on: April 14, 2015, 03:38:53 PM
OUCH!!! lol

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Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2898 on: April 14, 2015, 06:00:29 PM
Ah the worst part of truth!

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline AB-2007

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Reply #2899 on: April 16, 2015, 05:22:49 AM
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

 
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