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Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2660 on: October 29, 2014, 07:40:09 PM
You're at the wrong site to learn Japanese, that's JB, not KB. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2661 on: October 30, 2014, 01:40:27 AM
veryuch arigato
« Last Edit: October 30, 2014, 02:06:15 AM by Katiebee »

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline anvil

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Reply #2662 on: October 30, 2014, 06:57:40 PM
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. You're kidding, right?
8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (my favorite)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

 


Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari


Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2663 on: October 30, 2014, 07:47:31 PM
4, 6, 8, & 12 are probably the most common.  These people have been married for quite some time.

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2664 on: October 30, 2014, 11:39:53 PM
I love you, sweetheart!

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2665 on: October 31, 2014, 12:05:22 AM
I love you, sweetheart!

Thank You....I Love You Too.
"But No, You Can't Borrow The M-14 To Go Zombie Hunting".!!!

Love Ya....
 



Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2666 on: October 31, 2014, 12:11:30 AM
Damn. Busted.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2667 on: October 31, 2014, 12:13:43 AM
Damn. Busted.

Sorry,...... But I still love you with all my heart........
Now Stop looking at me like I'm a zombie.!!!!!
 :D

Love Ya.....



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2668 on: October 31, 2014, 07:41:11 AM
Freaks...

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2669 on: October 31, 2014, 07:49:13 AM
OMG!!! GG is infected by zombies!

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.


Offline BORIS

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Reply #2670 on: October 31, 2014, 09:27:56 AM
I had to go to the doctors the other day as I had a case of terrible wind, I said to the doctor can you give me anything for it, I walked out the surgery with a fucking kite!

Try everything at least once, twice just to make sure! Sorry I havent been around for a while guys, hoping to make up for lost time!! Love you all!


TinyDancer

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Reply #2671 on: October 31, 2014, 12:37:12 PM
Just in case you have forgotten the rules for a safe and Happy Halloween!
  
1.  When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

 2.   Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

 3.   Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone  out.

 4.   If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language  which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save  you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several  rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak  with somebody else's voice.

 5.   When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it  alone.

 6.   As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to  Hell.

 7.   Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This  would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

 8.   If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and  find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

 9.   If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!

 10.   Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

 11.   If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a  good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

 12.   Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure  you know what you're doing.

 13.   If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall  down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are  running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

 14.   If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

 15.   Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

 16.   If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not  go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

 17.   Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

 18.   If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

19.  If you find that:
 a. your house is built upon or near a cemetery,
 b. was once a church that was used for black masses,
 c. had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or
 d. had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house,
 MOVE AWAY IMMEDIATELY.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2014, 01:09:35 PM by TinyDancer »



Offline SouthernGent

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Reply #2672 on: October 31, 2014, 12:52:04 PM
And my wife wonders why I don't want to visit her family from northern New England.  lol

The Gentleman Freak.


Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2673 on: October 31, 2014, 02:02:12 PM
Damn TD......

Rule #12 kinda sucks.......
That kinda ruins my college degree in Genetics.
But I Love The Rest Of Them.
Good Job...

Love,
Liz





Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2674 on: October 31, 2014, 02:04:51 PM
OMG!!! GG is infected by zombies!

You have my permission to shoot him....
However, I'll be your spotter, I got the x50 binoculars for long range shots.
Should be easy.....
 :D

Love,
Liz



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2675 on: October 31, 2014, 04:16:58 PM
Eh, Katie's just mad because I learned her secret. Not to worry, in the event of my untimely death, it will be sent to all KB friends, fellow gun/weapon enthusiacts, every crappy tabloid, the Canadian and Mexican governments, and Jim Carrey. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant


Offline licksnkissez

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Reply #2676 on: November 01, 2014, 05:54:58 AM
A guy and his girlfriend are out having drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets and she starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. after a while he gives in and lets her order him one.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar - a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally you drink the lime juice"
So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue - SALTY BUT OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - SMOOTH, RICH AND COOL, VERY PLEASANT - He thinks, this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime Juice and drinks it.
- in 1 second THE SHARP LIME TASTE HITS HIM
- in 2 seconds THE BAILEYS CURDLES
- in 3 seconds THE SALTY CURDLED BITTER TASTES HITS
This triggers the GAG reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now NASTY drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to her and says "Jesus!!! What do you call that drink???"
She smiles at him widely and says "BLOW JOB REVENGE".
« Last Edit: November 01, 2014, 05:58:42 AM by licksnkissez »

Keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus


Offline watcher1

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Reply #2677 on: November 01, 2014, 04:49:41 PM
lol, lickz.  So that is what it tastes like?  Will stick with his wine and watch Liz and Katie pick off zombies.  8)

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.


Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2678 on: November 02, 2014, 01:35:31 PM
The government today announced that its changing its national symbol to the CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
 A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while
 you're actually being screwed! Damn it just doesn't get more accurate than that. I guess if the rubber fits,wear it.  8)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little girl was walking past her parents room. Hearing strange noises, she peeps in the keyhole, and says to herself, "And this bitch gets mad when I
 suck my thumb!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't at least 20% off.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how
to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt
 ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."

 

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."


Offline Sensualtravler

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Reply #2679 on: November 02, 2014, 02:01:30 PM

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the  flow that
has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
 
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
 
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
 
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. 
 
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
 
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
 
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
 
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.
:emot_weird: :sign_thatshard:

"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth."