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Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2520 on: July 14, 2014, 02:00:57 AM
Redneck Hunter.........
I shot my first turkey today,
It was in the frozen food section of the supermarket.
Everybody started screaming,
It was awesome.

Love,
Liz
 


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2521 on: July 14, 2014, 03:34:07 AM
Why am I NOT surprised? That was a very Liz thing to do. ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2522 on: July 14, 2014, 03:49:04 AM
Quote from: Geminiguy on July 14, 2014, 03:34:07 AM
Why am I NOT surprised? That was a very Liz thing to do. ;-)

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah......Smart Butt...!!!!
Be careful we don't get a "Yellow Card" from the Super Mod!!!
(psst, I think he's taking his job to seriously or maybe worse he's possessed by the spirit of GRM).
 :emot_laughing:
Love,
Liz


Offline msslave

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Reply #2523 on: July 15, 2014, 01:20:24 PM

Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden
feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a
companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for
you, she will cook for you, and when you
discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

"She will always agree with every decision
you make and she will not nag you, and will
always be the first to admit she was wrong
when you've had a disagreement.

"She will praise you!

"She will bear your children, and never ask
you to get up in the middle of the night to
take care of them.

"She will NEVER have a headache and will
freely give you love and passion whenever
you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like
this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history!!!!

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2524 on: July 16, 2014, 11:28:11 AM
My friend gave me a ride home today. When we arrived my house was on fire. The fire department did their best but it seems there was a gas leak that caused an explosion and it was too late by the time they got there.
"We were only able to salvage this," They said, handing the object to me.
"Oh, your mailbox," My friend says.
He open it and pulled out the one piece of mail. As he read the envelope he started to laugh.
"What? What is it?" I asked.
He turned it to me. "Your gas bill."

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2525 on: July 20, 2014, 10:25:24 AM

THE JUDGE IS SENDING ME DOWN, SPORT.

There's an old Australian entertainer, sighing, crying
And he shrugs off his legal team
And he turns to the reporters, gathered all around him
And he says:

Won’t have much hope for a grope, bloke
Won’t have much hope for a grope
At my age I can’t bend for the soap, bloke
I’ll have no hope of a grope

All together now
The judge is sending me down, sport
Judge is sending me down
The news is all over town, sport
The judge is sending me  down

It was only a compliment love, guv
Just a compliment love
There’s no need to cry “Heavens Above”, guv
Just a compliment love

All together now
The judge is sending me down, sport
Judge is sending me down
The news is all over town, sport
The judge is sending me  down

A non-paying guest of the Queen, bean
A non-paying guest of the Queen
Should’ve sacked me legal team, bean
Now I’m gonna get me bum reamed

All together now
The judge is sending me down, sport
Judge is sending me down
The news is all over town, sport
The judge is sending me  down

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

joe_and_michelle

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Reply #2526 on: July 20, 2014, 01:55:57 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on July 16, 2014, 11:28:11 AM
My friend gave me a ride home today. When we arrived my house was on fire. The fire department did their best but it seems there was a gas leak that caused an explosion and it was too late by the time they got there.
"We were only able to salvage this," They said, handing the object to me.
"Oh, your mailbox," My friend says.
He open it and pulled out the one piece of mail. As he read the envelope he started to laugh.
"What? What is it?" I asked.
He turned it to me. "Your gas bill."

Better than a letter from the insurance company informing you that your coverage was cancelled for not paying the previous months bill.


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2527 on: July 20, 2014, 08:27:49 PM
That happened to my father. Sort of. It seemed he hadn't paid his car insurance six months earlier. But he was never informed he'd been dropped, he didn't even know until my mother ended up finding out.
I lifted that "joke" from a Season One episode of Miami Vice.

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2528 on: July 23, 2014, 02:06:11 PM
A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved but near the end of the class the teacher realised that Janie hadn’t told her story.

‘Janie, do you have a story to share?’ asked the teacher.

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about Mommy. She was a marine pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whisky, a pistol and a survival knife.

‘She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn’t spill and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot fifteen of them with her pistol until she ran out of bullets; killed four more with her knife till the blade broke and so she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.’

‘Good heavens,’ said the horrified teacher, ‘What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this awful story?’

‘Don’t mess with Mommy when she’s been drinking.’

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2529 on: July 23, 2014, 04:07:35 PM
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what she's doing. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again. The man has finally had all he can handle.

He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"

The woman replies, " I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"

"Pepper", she replies.

_________________________________

He said. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?


He said . . . Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said . . . Well, you succeeded!


He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!


He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.


Offline msslave

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Reply #2530 on: July 23, 2014, 11:13:38 PM
Good ones, WBL! :emot_laughing:

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2531 on: July 24, 2014, 12:18:12 AM
Be fair and post some She Said He Said jokes as well. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2532 on: July 24, 2014, 04:24:10 AM
Fairness has nothing to do with it. Or do you want to be a pull toy like Pthlc does?

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2533 on: July 24, 2014, 07:16:52 AM
If there's going to be gender talks, we have to here both sides. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2534 on: July 24, 2014, 07:17:47 AM
If there's going to be gender jokes, we have to here both sides of it. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2535 on: July 24, 2014, 07:18:15 AM
*hear

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2536 on: July 24, 2014, 01:34:49 PM
Well, GG, your three posts have covered all three genders adequately.

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2537 on: July 24, 2014, 01:49:42 PM


Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2538 on: July 26, 2014, 07:44:25 PM
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick LAWRENCE, a 22 year
old male, who was caught fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.
 
The next day, at the Horsham Court (Victoria, Australia), LAWRENCE was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

LAWRENCE explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home
from a drinking session, he decided to stop.
"You know how a pumpkin can be soft and squishy inside... well, there was no one
around for miles - or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around..." he stated.

LAWRENCE went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out
a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it and proceeded
to satisfy his pressing need.
"I s'pose I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, LAWRENCE failed to notice an approaching
police car and was unaware of his audience, until Senior Constable Brenda TAYLOR
approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Senior Constable TAYLOR,
'I walked up to LAWRENCE - and he's just banging away at this pumpkin...'

Senior Constable TAYLOR went on to describe what happened when she
approached LAWRENCE...
"I said; 'Excuse me sir, why are you having sex with a pumpkin?"

"LAWRENCE froze. He was clearly very surprised that I was there, but then
he looked me straight in the eye and said,
'A pumpkin? Shit - is it midnight already?"

The court (and the magistrate) could not contain their mirth.

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2539 on: July 27, 2014, 03:00:22 PM
I didn't see that cumming... nice one Thecia...  :emot_laughing:

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

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