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Offline vinney

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Reply #2500 on: June 26, 2014, 01:57:17 AM

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2501 on: June 26, 2014, 02:03:11 AM
Vinney, how long did you stare at your thumb?

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline TheGriffon

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Reply #2502 on: June 26, 2014, 02:31:48 AM
Vinney can't come to the keyboard right now, he is busy using his thumb to measure things....


Offline msslave

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Reply #2503 on: June 26, 2014, 11:25:56 AM
My thumb is longer than my penis.  Just goes to show ya...you can't trust the internet!!!

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline vinney

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Reply #2504 on: June 30, 2014, 10:41:06 PM

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2505 on: June 30, 2014, 10:42:11 PM
Quote from: Katiebee on June 26, 2014, 02:03:11 AM
Vinney, how long did you stare at your thumb?

How LONG...? I'm still staring at the damned thing...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2506 on: June 30, 2014, 10:42:55 PM
Quote from: TheGriffon on June 26, 2014, 02:31:48 AM
Vinney can't come to the keyboard right now, he is busy using his thumb to measure things....

Too right...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2507 on: June 30, 2014, 10:44:39 PM
Quote from: vinney on June 30, 2014, 10:41:06 PM


Someone asked earlier about a Darwin Award.  I do believe this qualifies.

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2508 on: June 30, 2014, 10:45:18 PM
Quote from: msslave on June 26, 2014, 11:25:56 AM
My thumb is longer than my penis.  Just goes to show ya...you can't trust the internet!!!

You sure you got that the right way round... or... maybe... if you get excited your thumb will get the hard on...  :emot_laughing:

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2509 on: June 30, 2014, 10:46:30 PM
Quote from: redhatlover on June 30, 2014, 10:44:39 PM
Quote from: vinney on June 30, 2014, 10:41:06 PM


Someone asked earlier about a Darwin Award.  I do believe this qualifies.

Why thankyou RHL...

vinney

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2510 on: July 01, 2014, 08:51:07 PM
I read an article somewhere on the internet about how to improve your cunnilingus technique and it suggested writing out the letters of the alphabet with your tongue on your wife's clitoris.

She's left me for a chinese man.



Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2511 on: July 01, 2014, 09:25:09 PM
Sure, his wife traded up for a talented tongue AND a 2" cock. ;-) lol

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Kira1993

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Reply #2512 on: July 01, 2014, 09:44:41 PM
What "Orgasm" stands for to girls:

      O: Omg yes!
      R: Rub my clit harder!
      G: Get it in deeper!
      A: Awesome!!!
      S: Spank my ass!
      M: Mmmmmm.....

Whoever said "Money cant buy you happiness" never owned a horse!

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2513 on: July 09, 2014, 04:12:40 AM
"When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck...  'cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!"
- Chris Rock

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline vinney

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Reply #2514 on: July 09, 2014, 12:32:46 PM
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.

HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.

THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE".

BILLY SAYS:  "I'M FINE, MUMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T DONE IT YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "IT WORKS ON THE TOMATO SAUCE BOTTLE!"

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline Lippy

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Reply #2515 on: July 09, 2014, 07:23:26 PM
Ann Summers has announced it's going to start selling a lager-flavoured gel that is 5.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their pussy's, in a bid to encourage men to perform oral sex.
Campaigners have condemned the move, because of fears that it will lead to 24-hour minge drinking.


Offline vinney

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Reply #2516 on: July 10, 2014, 12:32:09 AM
There are two statues in a park;
 
One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred  years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
 
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient  through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life  for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
 
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
 
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
 
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
 
He asks her 'Shall we?'
 
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions...This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline vinney

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Reply #2517 on: July 10, 2014, 12:37:55 AM
One Monday morning the postman was riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by David, the home owner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the postman commented.

David, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4:00 oclock Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?'

The postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole cut in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is...'

The postman laughed  and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' David responded, 'Your name came up 7 times.'

If you've got a cock then use it, if you're a lady abuse it.

Offline TheciaMarie

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Reply #2518 on: July 11, 2014, 09:23:54 PM
A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot. "No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill. "No," he says, "I'm fine with pills."
So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them. "What are those?" he asked. "Viagra," she replied. "I'll be damned," said the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer." "It doesn't," said the dentist, "But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."

I thought I was into bestiality and necrophilia until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Offline msslave

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Reply #2519 on: July 13, 2014, 08:46:20 PM
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those who have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the end of this list:
 
... When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
 
... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
... When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 
... The batteries were given out free of charge.
 
... A dentist and a manicurist married.
       They fought tooth and nail.
 
... A will is a dead giveaway.
 
... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 
... When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
 
... Police were called to a daycare center where a
          three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
... Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side
         was cut off? He's all right now.
 
... A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
 
... When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine
          is now fully recovered.
 
... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
... When she saw her first strands of grey hair
       she thought she'd dye.
 
... Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
 
And the cream of the wretched crop:
... Those who get too big for their pants
        will be exposed in the end.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

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