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Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2280 on: February 24, 2014, 09:09:25 PM
Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex ?
"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed "
What did you do that for ?"
Tarzan replied, " Just checking for squirrel..."

-------------------


The Global Facts ... At Any Given Moment:

Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.

Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.

Fact: 37,000,000 are getting/giving oral sex.

Fact: 1 lonely fucker is reading this... You hang in there, Sunshine





Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2281 on: February 24, 2014, 10:27:04 PM
I feel bad for Jane...

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Hoss

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Reply #2282 on: February 25, 2014, 01:30:05 AM
Creative Advertising...

An ad found in the Canberra Times, Personal Section :


This bloke deserved to receive a few replies simply for taking the time to think of this!

Wanted A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

Interested?

Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5;
still interested?

Call me at...... 8250-0327 :roll:

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...

Offline Katiebee

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Reply #2283 on: February 25, 2014, 04:15:46 AM
Quote from: Geminiguy on February 24, 2014, 10:27:04 PM
I feel bad for Jane...
That's what you can expect from a knotty fucker.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2014, 04:48:11 AM by Katiebee »

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2284 on: February 25, 2014, 07:07:53 AM
Hey, Hoss, which were supposed to be lines 1, 3 and 5? :P I think you bunched it all together... ;-)

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline redhatlover

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Reply #2285 on: February 25, 2014, 02:56:23 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on February 25, 2014, 07:07:53 AM
Hey, Hoss, which were supposed to be lines 1, 3 and 5? :P I think you bunched it all together... ;-)

G-guy, it works on a regular monitor.

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

TinyDancer

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Reply #2286 on: February 25, 2014, 03:15:28 PM
Rodeo

Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the “rodeo”. The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how to do it? The first cowboy says, “You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she’s really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear : “Your sister likes this position too.”
Then try to hang on for 8 seconds.


Offline anvil

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Reply #2287 on: February 25, 2014, 03:48:45 PM
TD, you made my day,still can't stop laughing!! 

Deus subrisum stultusi et ferrari

Offline Lippy

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Reply #2288 on: February 25, 2014, 05:10:49 PM
A glamourous woman takes up temping in an office full of horny blokes.

When she arrives, they all start ogling her. She smiles and says "If you all give me a pound each, I'll show you my legs." So they all give her a pound and she hitches up her skirt.

Next, she says "If you all give me a tenner each, I'll show you some cleavage." So they all pay her again, and she pulls her top down to show off her cleavage.

Then she says "Give me a hundred pounds each, and I'll show you where I'll have my hysterectomy." This time, they can't hand over the money fast enough. She reaches for her skirt, takes a photograph of a hospital from her pocket and says "That's where I'll have it done."




There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"

"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."

"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.

He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"

"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."


TinyDancer

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Reply #2289 on: February 26, 2014, 12:48:31 PM
Helpful Nun

 
A Soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.
 He asked her, “Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I’ll explain WHY later.”
The nun agreed to his request.
 Shortly thereafter, the two Military Police came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.
 She replied, “He went that way.”
After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt And said, “I can’t thank you enough Sister, but you see I don’t want to go To Iraq.”
The nun said she can fully understand the fear.
 The soldier added, “I hope you don’t think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I’ve ever seen.
 The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you’ve ever seen! I don’t want to go to Iraq either.”


Offline Well Behaved Lady

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Reply #2290 on: February 26, 2014, 02:32:09 PM
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2291 on: February 26, 2014, 04:10:52 PM
...said the husband before the wife took away his own eyesight... :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Elizabeth

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Reply #2292 on: February 26, 2014, 09:10:39 PM
Quote from: Geminiguy on February 26, 2014, 04:10:52 PM
...said the husband before the wife took away his own eyesight... :P

And then the fight broke out....

Love,
Liz


Offline zelda1z

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Reply #2293 on: February 26, 2014, 09:25:16 PM
Love it too funny!


Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2294 on: February 27, 2014, 02:14:42 AM
Hey, Liz, kind of hard to fight when one is blind. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline Hoss

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Reply #2295 on: February 27, 2014, 02:33:21 AM
Quote from: Geminiguy on February 25, 2014, 07:07:53 AM
Hey, Hoss, which were supposed to be lines 1, 3 and 5? :P I think you bunched it all together... ;-)
May not have worked if you were accessing on an I-phone or the like...

Wanted A tall well-built woman with good

 legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

king without getting too serious.

Interested?

Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5;
still interested?

Australian Kissing.....just like the French - but done "Down Under"...

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2296 on: February 27, 2014, 03:51:05 AM
lol Good one, Hoss!

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline msslave

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Reply #2297 on: February 27, 2014, 12:54:44 PM
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.  No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents The next  Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was  all about.  Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits  Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline GEMINIGUY

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Reply #2298 on: February 27, 2014, 03:51:47 PM
Damn it, Pookie, we keep changing your job because you keep fucking up. :P

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline staci

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Reply #2299 on: February 27, 2014, 07:29:02 PM


It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1958 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.



 



"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.



 



"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.



 



"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."



 



"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.



 



"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.



 



"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.



 



"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"



 



"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.



 



"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.



 



Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.



 



"The TWIST, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.  "THE DAMN DANCE IS CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

one of the originals

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