KRISTEN'S BOARD
Congratulations to 2024 Pervert of the Year Shiela_M and 2024 Author of the Year Writers Bloque!

News:

Joke of the Day

Guest · 361710

« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 ... 262   Go Down

0 Members and 9 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline msslave

  • Co-POY 2019
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 8,862
    • Woos/Boos: +1385/-3
    • Gender: Male
Reply #2160 on: February 07, 2014, 01:57:00 PM
Quote from: azuroge on February 07, 2014, 11:46:50 AM
Quote from: msslave on February 06, 2014, 09:51:47 PM
msslave walks into the same bar and sees all the wierdness going on.  Remembers he doesn't drink anyway and leave before his pants are pulled down.

Vinney stops msslave at the door and pulls his pants down.  :emot_laughing:

Vinney puts an arm around msslave and pulls him closer, his other hand moves lower and his lips move towards msslave's.  All the others are watching...the gleam in their eyes says they're waiting their turn.  Just as Vinney's and msslave's lips are about to meet.........Azuroge starts another of his stand up comedy routines.




Well trained and been made compliant....by my cat Neville

Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2161 on: February 07, 2014, 04:07:14 PM
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender.

The bartender follows the man’s order and says, That will be $42.50 please.

The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk’s instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.

The bartender says, What, no drink for me?

Oh, no. You get violent when you drink

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Janus

  • Guest
Reply #2162 on: February 07, 2014, 05:06:13 PM
Great jokes azuroge.....Nice to have a laugh first thing in the morning.


Offline redhatlover

  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 2,842
    • Woos/Boos: +255/-3
    • Gender: Male
Reply #2163 on: February 07, 2014, 05:25:05 PM
Be careful about walking into a bar here, Janus!

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline Elizabeth

  • Life Is Short........Play Naked..!!!
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 8,768
    • Woos/Boos: +392/-10
    • Gender: Female
Reply #2164 on: February 07, 2014, 05:41:26 PM
Stands off to the side of the bar with TinyDancer snuggling close "wondering" just what the hell is going on in the bar.
 :D
Love,
Liz
 


Offline redhatlover

  • Freakishly Strange
  • ******
    • Posts: 2,842
    • Woos/Boos: +255/-3
    • Gender: Male
Reply #2165 on: February 07, 2014, 05:56:37 PM
I think Janus just entered, and remember, his motto is "Any orifice in a storm!"

I am like Charlie the Tuna.  I don't want women with good taste, I want women who taste good.

Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2166 on: February 07, 2014, 06:03:46 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 05:41:26 PM
Stands off to the side of the bar with TinyDancer snuggling close "wondering" just what the hell is going on in the bar.
 :D
Love,
Liz
 

Janus just entered the bar and stared at Vinney and msslave dancing to "The Hustle" with their pants around their ankles.  :emot_laughing:

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Offline Elizabeth

  • Life Is Short........Play Naked..!!!
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 8,768
    • Woos/Boos: +392/-10
    • Gender: Female
Reply #2167 on: February 07, 2014, 06:05:26 PM
Quote from: azuroge on February 07, 2014, 06:03:46 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 05:41:26 PM
Stands off to the side of the bar with TinyDancer snuggling close "wondering" just what the hell is going on in the bar.
 :D
Love,
Liz
 

Janus just entered the bar and stared at Vinney and msslave dancing to "The Hustle" with their pants around their ankles.  :emot_laughing:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! that visual is like sooooooo bad.....
Love,
Liz


Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2168 on: February 07, 2014, 06:07:30 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 06:05:26 PM
Quote from: azuroge on February 07, 2014, 06:03:46 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 05:41:26 PM
Stands off to the side of the bar with TinyDancer snuggling close "wondering" just what the hell is going on in the bar.
 :D
Love,
Liz
 

Janus just entered the bar and stared at Vinney and msslave dancing to "The Hustle" with their pants around their ankles.  :emot_laughing:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! that visual is like sooooooo bad.....
Love,
Liz


You asked  :emot_laughing:

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Offline Elizabeth

  • Life Is Short........Play Naked..!!!
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 8,768
    • Woos/Boos: +392/-10
    • Gender: Female
Reply #2169 on: February 07, 2014, 06:09:46 PM
Quote from: azuroge on February 07, 2014, 06:07:30 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 06:05:26 PM
Quote from: azuroge on February 07, 2014, 06:03:46 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 05:41:26 PM
Stands off to the side of the bar with TinyDancer snuggling close "wondering" just what the hell is going on in the bar.
 :D
Love,
Liz
 

Janus just entered the bar and stared at Vinney and msslave dancing to "The Hustle" with their pants around their ankles.  :emot_laughing:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! that visual is like sooooooo bad.....
Love,
Liz


You asked  :emot_laughing:

LOL...No I wondered, I just didn't expect that for an answer.... :o
Love,
Liz


Janus

  • Guest
Reply #2170 on: February 07, 2014, 06:17:07 PM
Janus drops his trousers and goes across the floor looking at Liz and inviting her for a dance with his eyes.

Wink....Sorry darlin' I couldn't resist.


Offline Elizabeth

  • Life Is Short........Play Naked..!!!
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 8,768
    • Woos/Boos: +392/-10
    • Gender: Female
Reply #2171 on: February 07, 2014, 06:19:57 PM
Quote from: Janus on February 07, 2014, 06:17:07 PM
Janus drops his trousers and goes across the floor looking at Liz and inviting her for a dance with his eyes.

Wink....Sorry darlin' I couldn't resist.

EWWWWWWWWWW.......
OMG.....Going Blind!!!...My eyes!!!, My eyes!!!!
Wait a minute??....what is that "tiny thing"??
 :emot_laughing:
Love,
Liz


Janus

  • Guest
Reply #2172 on: February 07, 2014, 06:24:54 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 06:19:57 PM

Wait a minute??....what is that "tiny thing"??
 :emot_laughing:
Love,
Liz


That would be my cock....Now try to remember it is cold out and you have to allow for shrinkage.......But if you keep looking at it through your fingers like that, I guarantee it will grow....A LOT :emot_laughing:


Offline Elizabeth

  • Life Is Short........Play Naked..!!!
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *******
    • Posts: 8,768
    • Woos/Boos: +392/-10
    • Gender: Female
Reply #2173 on: February 07, 2014, 06:27:50 PM
Quote from: Janus on February 07, 2014, 06:24:54 PM
Quote from: Elizabeth on February 07, 2014, 06:19:57 PM

Wait a minute??....what is that "tiny thing"??
 :emot_laughing:
Love,
Liz


That would be my cock....Now try to remember it is cold out and you have to allow for shrinkage.......But if you keep looking at it through your fingers like that, I guarantee it will grow....A LOT :emot_laughing:

 :emot_laughing:

That's my answer!!
Love Ya...
Liz


Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2174 on: February 07, 2014, 06:38:33 PM
mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque." "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs.

And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.

A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2175 on: February 08, 2014, 04:49:54 PM
Grandpa gets an audit letter in the mail and shows up to his appointment at the IRS building with his lawyer. They enter the room, sit down, and the IRS agent starts to question them.

IRS Agent: "Well, sir, we think it is a little odd that you have no official income, but are able to afford such a lavish lifestyle, and you claim it is all from Gambling? You say you made $300,000 last year from gambling alone?"

Grandpa: "Yes. I am very good at it. Would you like a demonstration? I will bet you $1,500 that I can bite my own eye."

The IRS agent stares at him for a minute, quite confused, and takes the bet. Before he can retract his words, Grandpa pops out his glass eye and proceeds to bite it. The IRS agent is stunned, and just lost a grand.

Grandpa: "You didn't think I could do it did you? Tell you what, double or nothing, I can bite my other eye."

The IRS agent studies Grandpa for a minute and thinks to himself that there is no way this guy has two glass eyes, and takes the bet. Grandpa pulls out his dentures and uses them to bite his other eye. The IRS agent's mount drops. He is out $3000 now fair and square, with this man's lawyer here as proof, and starting to get worried.

Grandpa (laughs): "You look worried, son. I will do one more bet, double or nothing. I am going to stand here and pee into that waste can behind you and not spill a single drop anywhere else."

The IRS agent looks at the man, turns around and looks at the waste can. It is about 6 feet behind him. This old man will have to pee about 8-9 feet and not spill a single drop. The IRS agent is worried, but he thinks he can win this bet.

IRS Agent: "You're on!"

Grandpa stands up and unzips. He struggles mightily and lets a weak stream go. It doesn't get anywhere near the trash can. In fact, it just splashes all over the IRS agents desk and runs onto the floor. The IRS agent starts jumping up and down with a huge smile on his face.

IRS Agent: "HAHA! YES! You didn't even get close!"

The lawyer puts his head in his hands at this point, shaking it slowly, clearly upset about the incident. The IRS agent looks over at him and asks what is wrong.

Lawyer: "Just before we came in here, Grandpa bet me $25,000 that he could piss on your desk today and you would be happy about it

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Janus

  • Guest
Reply #2176 on: February 08, 2014, 09:19:00 PM
azuroge......Now that was funny......


Offline GEMINIGUY

  • "I'm Rockin' My Life Away..."
  • GG
  • Burnt at the stake
  • *****
    • Posts: 18,543
    • Woos/Boos: +514/-59
    • Gender: Male
Reply #2177 on: February 08, 2014, 10:25:40 PM
I'd like to start a new award, for February I want to vote Azuroge Jokester Of The Month. -thumbs up-

"If it's good enough for the Gemini Guys
Then it's good enough for me" - Adam Ant

Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2178 on: February 09, 2014, 06:28:35 AM
Quote from: Janus on February 08, 2014, 09:19:00 PM
azuroge......Now that was funny......

I aim to please  :emot_laughing:

Quote from: Geminiguy on February 08, 2014, 10:25:40 PM
I'd like to start a new award, for February I want to vote Azuroge Jokester Of The Month. -thumbs up-

I am flattered.   :emot_beerchug: :sign_thankyou:
But we all need to laugh and smile everyday. It's very healthy.  :D

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Offline azuroge

  • Degenerate
  • ***
    • Posts: 121
    • Woos/Boos: +5/-0
    • Gender: Male
  • Wipe that smirk off your face. — Black Reaper
Reply #2179 on: February 09, 2014, 06:36:51 AM
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of
lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

"Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings ―

Pages: 1 ... 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 ... 262   Go Up
« previous next »