KRISTEN'S BOARD
KB - a better class of pervert

vinney · **Reply #160 on:** May 17, 2012, 12:49:52 AM

Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.

"Father, I am sinful."

"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."

"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to my grilfriend's office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That's not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father? ... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.

"Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

"Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

Janus · **Reply #161 on:** May 17, 2012, 12:51:39 AM

Too funny. I figured he'd have wanted to get found...LOL

Janus

vinney · **Reply #162 on:** May 17, 2012, 12:57:34 AM

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #163 on:** May 17, 2012, 06:32:44 AM

Hey, Vin, who said i want a bike?

Good to see you go after blonde guys, too.

TinyDancer · **Reply #164 on:** May 17, 2012, 02:44:48 PM

Blonde And Her Job Interview

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup."Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks - "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead,"I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

Janus · **Reply #165 on:** May 17, 2012, 03:00:14 PM

good one

Janus

licksnkissez · **Reply #166 on:** May 17, 2012, 04:58:17 PM

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

coacheric · **Reply #167 on:** May 17, 2012, 05:02:08 PM

WOO licks, good one

TinyDancer · **Reply #168 on:** May 17, 2012, 05:06:09 PM

Haha, that was a good one licks, still laughing. Thanks for sharing.

vinney · **Reply #169 on:** May 17, 2012, 07:40:00 PM

Brilliant Licks... or should that be... brilliant...! Licks...?

vinney

vinney · **Reply #170 on:** May 18, 2012, 01:28:19 AM

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

vinney · **Reply #171 on:** May 18, 2012, 01:31:13 AM

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ... your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin.

When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ... ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day, he comes in and orders just two pints.

All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!

Tis me ... I've quit drinking!"

vinney · **Reply #172 on:** May 18, 2012, 01:43:10 AM

Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles

Q: Why are hurricanes named after women?
A: Because when they come, they're
wild and wet, and when they go they take your house and car with them.

An Irishman is not drunk until he can't move

THIS GUY WAS DRIVING IN A CAR WITH A BLONDE. HE TOLD HER TO STICK HER HEAD OUT THE WINDOW AND SEE IF THE BLINKERS WERE WORKING.
SHE STUCK HER HEAD OUT AND SAID "YES,NO,YES,NO,YES,NO,YES . . .

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #173 on:** May 18, 2012, 04:59:05 AM

How about some dumb redhead jokes?

We need to give the blondes a break.

vinney · **Reply #174 on:** May 18, 2012, 12:07:40 PM

Funny GG... I couldn't find any..

vinney

ps...

A woman in a northeast Pennsylvania art gallery is staring at an exquisite painting entitled 'Home for Lunch'. It depicts three very naked black men sitting on a park bench with their penises in plain view. But while all the men are black, the one in the middle has a pink penis.

"Excuse me," the woman says to the exhibits curator. "I am curious about this painting of three African-Americans. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"

"I'm afraid you've misinterpreted the painting," says the curator. "These men are not African-American; they're coal miners , and the fellow in the middle went 'home for lunch' to his redheaded wife.

pss...

Q: Whats the difference between a redhead and a home?
A: Everyone wants a home...

Q: How can you tell if a redhead has been using a computer?
A: There's a hammer imbedded in the screen.

Q: Why is it that Redheads don't get along with other women?
A: Because other women whine even more than men do.

Q: What's the difference between Redheads and Pitbulls?
A: Pitbulls aren't always trained to kill.

vinney · **Reply #175 on:** May 18, 2012, 12:19:02 PM

Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.

Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q.What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

Q.What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie,"only you do it yourself.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic!

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.

Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..

Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.
A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q: What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hair balls.

Q: What's good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?
A: Crust.

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork.

Janus · **Reply #176 on:** May 18, 2012, 01:05:39 PM

Nice stuff Vinney. Good morning too you too.....

Janus

vinney · **Reply #177 on:** May 18, 2012, 01:28:39 PM

Thanks Janus... you too... have a good day...!

vinney

watcher1 · **Reply #178 on:** May 18, 2012, 03:20:12 PM

Why Italian fathers and grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

GEMINIGUY · **Reply #179 on:** May 18, 2012, 06:28:25 PM

Notice Vinney ended the redhead jokes early. He couldn't take the abuse from all the redheads hanging over his shoulder as he posted those jokes.

Joke of the Day

Janus

TinyDancer

Janus

coacheric

TinyDancer

Janus