So the way I figure it, we all have something to do in heaven, a job if you will. I mean some may be obvious. For example, if you were a singer on earth you will be part of heavens choir, and if you were a chef you will work in the heavenly kitchen. I imagine that since it is heaven we all get to pick our job.
The job I want when I get there is Personal Assistant to Saint Peter. For those of you who don’t know, Saint Peter is the guy who stands at the gates of Heaven with a big log book of your life. He reads through the book and then rather like a roman emperor he decides whether you get into heaven for eternal bliss or go to hell to be tortured in a burning lake of fire, screaming in unendurable mind-bending agony for an eternity. I figure that has to be the ultimate bouncer’s job. I mean, you hold peoples eternity in your hands. Just the sense of ultimate power is delicious and I see all sorts of wonderful opportunities that can arise when Pete is not around. I mean he has to go to the bathroom like everyone else, and he must also take vacations, unless his union isn’t doing their job. That is where I will be guarding the gate unsupervised. Not only do I get to fuck around anyone I didn’t like, but more importantly all the hot looking chicks are going to have to earn their way past me. Regardless of how good they were I will nitpick through their life book for every little indiscretion and make a huge deal out of them, saying they are to be sent to eternal damnation. When they start crying and wailing in anguish at the verdict I can then say;
“Well sweetheart……..just what are you willing to do for me to save your eternal soul? ”
........ Shit I’m getting hard already.
To all you ladies start thinking real hard about how you will go about satisfying me. I already know what debaucheries your perverted little minds can conjure up so don’t expect that you can get past me just by putting out a little vanilla sex. Oh no…………you will redefine perverted debauchery with me when standing at the gate, and with your eternal soul at stake, don’t think you will have the balls to say no to me.
Oh yeah….definitely going to be his personal assistant. I just hope to fuck I die before Salma Hayek
« Last Edit: March 11, 2012, 01:43:34 AM by phtlc »
While you're waiting in vain for that apology, why don't you make yourself useful by getting on your knees and opening your mouth