Stuck in a worthless nonexistent life

[Hopelost]

    I'm a 27 year old sex hyped male stuck in a severe mental, emotional and sexual breakdown that haa been getting worse since it started around 9 years ago. I am also a man with disabilities which has led to a severe mentually abusive relationshape with my sexiest mother who serves as my payee. The main cuase of my torment.
  My payee has not only destroyed my life by preventing me being able to buy 90 percent of the things I need by preventing use of my money or ability to have any form of a credit history. I have 0 friends because every I knew left before I graduated because of her abuse. I have never had a single relationshape in my entire life because of her abuse. There is no one left in my area to even try to have any form of a relationship in any form what so ever. All of this has lead to years of me bouncing from every single site online repeatedly trying to get with anyone only to repatedly fail since they all lie and force payment.
      unfurtunately this has only lead to more sexual and emotional issues since every site I have joined I get nonstop hateful messages from every single person on them because I cant respond! I have joined over 400, you dont even understand how many clone sites there really are of them, most are reskins of the same sites with just different names and not once in 9 years have I ever been able to do anything. I'm in constant extreme sexual frustration which leads me to constantly give up and let my life and rooms fall apart and porn does not help me. I'm perpetually trapped searching sites I have tried every month on repeat for 9 years!
  I cant get sexual relief and the more I try the more depressed and angrier I get. In life I am no longer capable of having a normal romantic relationship due to my isolation and years of torment. Constantly I sit in my room horny and feeling undesired as I just wreck everything and let trash pile up around. Im stuck living with this person who forced me to sit here and watch everyone leave, and now forces me to watch everyone be happy and no one helps me. Im constantly stuck with no way out!  I cant take it much longer, my youth is gone no one of my types wants anything to do with me and I cant move on.

[Hilda]

    I'm a 27 year old sex hyped male stuck in a severe mental, emotional and sexual breakdown that haa been getting worse since it started around 9 years ago. I am also a man with disabilities which has led to a severe mentually abusive relationshape with my sexiest mother who serves as my payee. The main cuase of my torment.

I was moved by the tragedy of your situation. Kristen's Board is the only forum with which I'm familiar, so I can't compare it with the many sites that have failed you.

What I can say is that there are some very friendly members here who won't criticize you, and will respond to your posts with sympathy and understanding.

Please, please come back here from time to time and share whatever's on your mind.

[staci]

This forum is unlike any other. We do not need your payee and want your participation only. Some of us have been members for over a decade and we have developed a friendship and support  system. you will not get laid here, but can join in the experience of someone that did.Do you not have an uncle, aunt, cousin, pastor, doctor that you can explain your dilemma?
I care about your problem and urge you to relate your feelings openly on here. you will not be shunned but maybe made to feel better about yourself. you will not be pitied either, some of us can be blunt.
staci

[Pornhubby]

Worthless and non-existent are purely subjective comments generated by yourself, and now used (incorrectly) to define yourself.

We all suffer from the same incurable disease (life).

I would encourage you to quiet that inner dialogue you are having with yourself, and ask some hard questions about why you choose to define your life experience this way.

They say something like 0.0086 percent of the population is famous. Or about 670,000 out of 8 billion people on the planet. That’s a lot of worthless non-existent people you have never heard of.  A lot of quiet desperation.

Everyone has a disability. Everyone has a mother they hate. Everyone dreams of a better life. Whether you obtain that or not is purely dependent upon how you choose to perceive and interpret your circumstances. There are a lot of healthy rich mofo’s who are miserable.

As Red said in The Shawshank Redemption, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” The choice is yours.

[Shiela_M]

Oh love, you're not alone in a world filled with problems, and when you stop focusing in the problem and try to find a solution, you're not going to get anywhere. You're not the only one here who spent their youth under the tyranny of a horrid mother. The abuse and neglect of a parent is not just yours to endear.

I do not know your disability, but if you can access the internet, then you can access help. Not just from porn sites but from organizations that could give you a helping hand that may get you out of your situation. However the results of this help depend on the devotion and work you put in yourself. Nobody will come to your rescue if you dont ask.

KB is a wonderful place to chat, share experiences both good and bad. As stacy said, some will be blunt and may come off as rude, but they are just laying out hard truths. No, we will not attack you unless you cross a line with us, but dont expect us to whisper sweet nothings into your ear with every post.

This isn't a hookup site, but a place where you can try to relax and feel comfortable to chat and share.

[Hopelost]

Thanks for not mocking me or calling me a scammer looking for money  because I don't want any ones money. However I'm still getting worse. With no one in my area and every site I try wether it be a dating site or random hook up site now forcing payment after lying about being Free I just feel worse. She is forcing control and winning and there's nothing I can do. I keep trying only to fail over and over again. For over 2 months I have been trying multiple sites a day and feeling worse with each attempt. The worse part is no one in my family cares and she tries to act like she's the victim

[Pornhubby]

I know it sounds entirely unhelpful when you are in your current state of mind... But my grandmother famously said, “Never look for love. Love, when you are ready, will look for you.”

I think most of the Internet is a romance disaster. For every one successful relationship that came from an Internet dating site, there are dozens of others that end up with heartache or physical harm. Most peoples profiles are total bullshit. They are either cat fishing or they are using photos that are 10 years old. They don’t tell you much about themselves. They tell you what they think other people might be interested in. And then you’ll discover that you fell in love with a big fucking lie.

I think the more important thing is to get out and do something that interests you, whether it is art, or entertainment, or watching sports, or a hobby, or a “fun Ed” class. Just getting out and interacting with other people who share your interests is the first step towards meeting someone. And guess what? Hopefully you’ll have some enjoyable experiences whether you meet somebody new or not.

I’m wishing you the best. Life is a roller coaster. So are relationships. Hopefully the good outweighs the bad. But there’s going to be plenty of bad. It can’t be avoided. The only “perfect relationship” is the fantasy they use to sell books and movies.