My Father, the Space Cowboy.

[Writers Bloque]

My dad.

First real solid memory I have of him was Christmas of '84.


I was a hellion. Bad to the Bone was written about me, especially me peeing on the inexperienced nurse. So this cold Christmas eve night found me in the typical fight with my mom who was trying to cap off my potty training with me changing my Transformers underoo's. This fight ended with my dad showing me that big boys change their underwear after a bath.

A couple of hours and cups of hard eggnog later, my parents were doing the Santa thing. But my dad got reeaaaal curious about one of the Transformers a relative was giving me for Christmas. He carefully opened it up, and started to mess with it. My brother cried in his crib and left my dad to try to figure out how to put it back the way it was, back in the box. He couldn't. So my ever so clever dad called me out of my light sleep.

"Writer, can you put this back together? Santa was in a rush and forgot to do it."

"Yes." (I was less loquacious back then. I freaked them out there once by pointing to a picture of a water tower with h20 on it and said water.)

My mom came back from diaper duty and watched as I with the nimble dexterity of a watch maker, I returned the robot to its boombox form. I handed it back to dad and was ushered back to my bed by my stressed out, less than pleased mother.

Another time.

Later that year, my mom and dad went to the camp. Granddad was out there putting in a new trailer, because at the time all that was there was a travel trailer and a half finished wood fence. Soon most of the family was there to help flatten the land and prepare it for the new trailer. But since there was not much for my dad to do, he was ordered to corral me and get me out of the fucking clay. (first time I heard that word, dad cussed when we were not around.) So he took me fishing. All I had on was an oversized t=shirt and my under roo's. Back then that was all a boy needed to wear when its 94 degrees in the fall.

Now by this point I was quite voluble when I needed to potty, since I had yet to learn how to pick a bush and let it fly. So I told dad, and he waved me off, and off I toddled which should have been a twenty second walk across the clay packed dirt road. Nope, not Explorer Writer. My little ass decided that peeing was a secondary problem and I had a whole slough to explore from the dirt road. Couple hours later dad gets back to the camp to eat lunch. Dad asks if I made it to the portapotty safely and my mom said she hadn't seen me since I walked off with him. My dad flips out. Mom flips out. The Council flips out. 9 drunk old men who settled things when the law couldn't. They were the mayor, council, sheriff when one wasn't drunk, deputies, judges, lawyers and prosecutors. So a little boy hunt was commenced. On this council was 2 people from my moms side and 2 from my dads. I was a little bit of swamp nobility by the fact that you can throw a stone out there and hit my kin on either side.

By this time, I grew bored of watching baby gators try to hunt tadpoles so I just lifted my shirt and answered mother natures call. I did know how to use the potty and would do so, but doing it outside was new to me.

After I was done I had done seen me my first girl my age, and boy did I not know what she was. She was wearing oshkoshes with no shirt on, pickin ditch roses. I joined her and we played.

"HEY BOY YOU LOST?"

A man yelled at me. I froze up. It was not my daddy's holler. The girl froze up too. So we looked at each other and ran. The sun kept us from seeing who the man was as it was in our eyes. But then I heard a familiar sound. My daddy's old blue GMC truck. I booked it in a straight line to the sound. Girl kept up. I made it to another dirt road, only to see my dad drive off. I screamed and cried and now was feeling lost, and scared. That is until I felt a new feeling...Terror as the man from before had me and the girl up in the air by my shirt and her overalls. I went from scared to mad as hell as I fought and struggled to do something to injure him. I was like a wet cat mad. Girl started crying. But he made a couple of turns and finally I could see my dads truck on the road.

"Here John, your boy back."

I was hissing and lashing out until my daddy grabbed me in his arms and held me tight against him.

"Where did you find him?"

"He was playing with my little girl in the washout ditch up the road."

"Thanks man, I would not know what to do with out him."

"What are friends for?"

The man who had his little girl over his shoulder waved at my family as he left with his daughter.

Me however, got my ass switched all around the yard.

That was also how I met my future wife.

I have more if anyone is interested.

 

[msslave]

Hell yeah Writer. You have such an interesting family.
There's no doubt you and the wife were meant for each other.

[Writers Bloque]

Hell yeah Writer. You have such an interesting family.
There's no doubt you and the wife were meant for each other.

Yeah me and her around those parts were called hell on a clay road for a good spell.

Speaking of clay roads and swamps...


We jump ahead a couple of years....

I may or may not have told you all the story of my first and second fight.

My first fight was with a boy three years older'n me at four. Sonovabitch thought he could push down my life long buddy, and blood kin, my first brother when he was toddlin with me to the duplex apartment complex's playground. My brother cried. I flew into a rage something fierce. I climbed on one of those giant spring rocking things in the playground, shaped like a horse. Then I launched myself onto said boy, and proceeded to thrash the dude until he started crying. No one fucks with my brother. No one. I was protective of him to the point that my dad would have to remove me from the room so my mom could discipline him. I was raging mad when my mom got me home, and the kids mom wanted to call the police on me. Remember, I looked bigger than 4. But nothing but shame for the kid when every other kid laughed at him for being beaten by a four year old half to death. Mom blamed the wrasslin on saturday nights. But my daddy come home from hanging garage doors and scooped me up like he always did, and we raided the fridge for a pre meal snack. He asked mom why I was spittin mad. I started crying some more cause dad was gonna whoop me. But he didn't. Instead he left. He returned shortly later, with a bag. In it was ice cream treats. After dinner, we sat and watched the local channel, for the wrasslin show. Remember Local channels? they were cool. We ate that Ice cream together and he messed my hair up. Told me this valuable gem.

"Son, never fight for nothing. It's a losing battle. If you fight, make damned sure its worth it. Protecting your little brother is worth it."

My eyes still sparkle when I remember that night. My dad was a fighter. He left a trail of broken teeth and black eyes in his wake, during his youth. 

Now lets jump again to the fall of that year.

Another camp trip, for the family reunion. A little older, A bit wiser. Cant leave the yard out further than momma can yell. But me and Girl were having a blast. We found a foot bridge that someone built using the stumps in the swamp. At first crossing, it was scary, as the Jones' were following us underneath the boards. But the trouble started when we found out where the bridge had taken us. Local boys and my distant cousins decided to build a fort on a small overgrown island in the middle of the water. Told us we cant play there. I got mad, but then they chased us off. Soon me and Girl were agitating some crawdads when the same boys decided to pick on Girl. She tried to fight back, but they overwhelmed her and threatened to toss her into the swamp. She screamed and cried out.

I got mad again.

Really mad.

So I bull rushed the first fucker. Like Jimmy Jumper did in the old national guard arena on wrasslin. Boy was he shocked that I bowled him over. Then I tried to rescue her, and got punched hard in my guts for my efforts, but she was free. They then swarmed me, but I had no fear, cause my daddy showed me how to punch right. And then it became a free for all. I could have sworn that I had heard my dads favorite song in my head, RamJam's Black Betty. I done gone wild, as I was punching wildly until A large rough hand grabbed me out of the fray, my nose bleeding and my eye blackened. My dad had done caught me.

In reality, Girl ran to the camp to get someone to save me. The men in my family were watching this and holding back momma from murdering the entire group. Dad said this was something I had to work out on my own. The men grabbed the other boys up and we had to sit in the yard before my great grandparents rocking chairs, on the hard clay, on our knees until one of us could explain the fight. No one said a word except Girl, who wanted the homemade Ice Cream that was being made.

Still mad that she got a bowl to this day, and all I got was a spoonful.

[msslave]

There's gotta be a book in all this.
 

[Writers Bloque]

There's gotta be a book in all this.
 

I would, but a couple of the best stories of me, Girl and my Dad are a bit too spicy for mainstream, bordering on banned content.

I speak of Girl and My swamp adventures, but I cant go further without how I made friends with Sir and his daughters who were very distant cousins of mine.

Eight years old, another family reunion, and Sir was at every one. But between him, Girl's dad, and my dad something of a classic "Our kids should get married." Deal was being struck. The problem, there was one of me, and one of my brother, who was six about to be seven in a month after this story. Fresh from the suspension from school for another failed escape attempt, the fathers decided to group us together.

Apparently the local boys were turning no good, and Sir was quite particular about who his daughters would associate with. My sister was four, my next sister was two and my momma was just showing for my next brother. My brother was playing with Bethany, who was closer to his age, off by a year or two. and the babies were kept in the baby pen in the shade, because babies are prime snacks for gators. So Sir *allowed* me to play with Ashley the oldest, on the condition I do not "Scrap" around her. So Girl and Ashley were already friends, but now that she was allowed to play with me too, which lead to a bit of rivalry.

One such competition that got my ass whipped was the John Boat incident, or locally known as "Swampgate."

My dad and granddad had recovered from a tree on the property, a gift from the previous hurricane, a John boat.

John boat = Small flat bottom boat, made from aluminum, mostly used in swamps.

Now this time the family reunion turned into a project to save the swamp. It was drying up. Low rainfall, and high temps was causing the swamp to dry up. The solution was to drop a concrete pipe under the dirt road that divided the swamp from the slough. Granddad had a metal grate placed on one end, and the slough side sand bagged. All that was left to do was to push the pipe into the ditch, bury it, and let the slough feed the swamp water. The slough was up to the road due to heavy rains flooding it in Georgia, where the river starts. So me, Girl and Ashley borrowed the john boat to sit in the mud and muck of the swamp. No one told us no, as the gators moved to where the water was, and we mostly got buckets of water to go crawdad hunting to stay out of everyone's hair. My uncles in their infinite wisdom sloshed in the mud of the swamp to hang a rope for the john boat to cross the swamp  with when the water returned.

We were having a blast scooting up and down the rope in the boat, catching crawdads and having a blast. But we were not paying attention to the fact that the sand bags were being removed.

At first the water trickled in, and then once the water washed the mud away from the pipe the water rose quickly, and I lost my hold of the rope. Our parents were shouting at us to come back, but the water pushed our boat deeper into the swamp, where it met with the deep part of the swamp and we just drifted among the trees. We waved goodbye and were on a journey.

"No oars, Writer?"

"Not if you valued not being on the menu."

"Huh?"

"You hit and agitate a gator, and you become food. The boat was not heavy, and especially not super sturdy. It was something you did not want gators to figure out that they can get to us easier than we could get away."

So we floated along the swamp, trying not to move, because the boat could tip easy. We talked and I comforted the scared girls. I was brave cause I was not extra bright at the time, and I also watched and read many adventure books. Call me Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer. The swamp was my life now. I had just learned how to make fire, and I thought if we got cold, I would build a fire in the boat. Don't judge, it was flat and dry. An hour into our new lives, we got hungry. Nothing edible grew out that way, the only food would have to be caught, if I did not sneak a couple of sandwiches in my pockets. So I gave the girls the sandwiches, and ate the granola bar that my mom made me carry around. Full and sleepy I shifted my weight so the girls could lie down in the boat. I remained awake for as long as I could, until the sleepy swamp took its toll on me. Something jarred the boat. I woke up with a start to realize we hit a bank with a paved road on top. Cars would pass us, but the girls slept on. I had no clue where we were.

But that noise, like a superhero's call, came rumbling up the road to stop right in front of the beached john boat. Three men got out, grabbed us, put the john boat on the truck's roof, tied it down, put us in the bed of the truck and returned to the camp. The girls woke up hungry again, on the porch, on some sheets. I was getting the talking to of my life. But they realized I was just not strong enough to hold a rope long as water currents pushed us away. The crawdads we caught got ate.

In reality, the swamp ended at the highway. Everyone knew this but us. My dad rescued us, though I believe if we were in any real danger, Sir would stomp his way through the swamp to us. But after that he kept his eyes on me. But by then we just accepted the talking to. I got my ice cream for being brave. The first bowl too.

The whipping I got for Swampgate was for the fact some kids on the bank of the swamp swore up and down to anyone who would listen, that they seen me drop my pants and piss into the swamp, which was a bit of a no no, not because people ate critters of the swamp, but because I was in the boat with two girls. At the time I still did not know what girls were for, except trying to beat me at climbing or carrying the bucket while I carried the crawdad poles and sliced carrots.

[Writers Bloque]

One wrong step.....


It was a blazing hot Saturday of the summer after we officially became a couple. We had finally made a plan. We were going to earn enough money to go on as proper of a date as two middle schoolers could come up with. But our parents basically dropped the "You want this, you go earn it" boulder on us. So we made it an adventure. During the week we would split up and do odd jobs around the house and neighborhood, and on the weekend strike out together for doing lawn work, since most of the grown ups were off on the weekend. Girl(wifey) used every learned trick in her comic book thin encyclopedia of womanly charms to score us some regular customers. A bikini top and shorty shorts helped also. Man we were tanned nicely by the end of the summer.

This Saturday.

We had by lunch done almost all of our regular customers. The best of them wanted us to come back when it was cooler later in the afternoon. And they paid NICELY. Like fifty bucks! The lady was a single woman who would call either me or Girl to come do stuff for her, but we still worked in pair because our parents said never go alone. So after abusing her cousin who managed a motel with a pool,  we swam, cooled off and let the air and sun dry us off as we headed to Godfathers Pizza (One of the Best pizza buffet's we could afford and get to.) We still had some time before our appointment, so we crossed THE MOST DANGEROUS HIGHWAY EVER, to the dollar movie theater.

Look kids, there used to be places where you could go to escape the heat and watch a movie that was not home. For a dollar. We watched Batman and Robin for the fifth time, and then it was time to hit the job hard.

Things happened, Officially I cannot go into details as some of it was not good and I promised wife if I shared this story I would omit the details of one of her most distressing moments. But after managing to finish the jobs, and escaping a drunk handsy man, it was time to go home and tally our weeks take. But on the way home....

Cerberus

Was a mean ass, mixed breed dog. He was owned by a nice lady. But her niceness did not wear off on him. He would not bark, nor get out if his owner left the gate open. But if no one was around, he was at the fence growling. To get to our homes quickly, we had to pass by his yard. We were getting close, talking and having fun, when it happened.

I did not notice nor did Girl, but the gate was open. Cerberus barreled full speed into me. Knocked me off my bike. I rolled and moved to get up. I got up to notice Cerberus had recovered and was advancing on Girl. I was going to lose the short love of my life. I charged in and put myself in between him and her. I tried to keep his attention as she rode off to get help, but it was for naught. He chased her to the rope swing in a mutual friends yard. Did I ever mention how much like a pirate princess she was? She let go of the bike grabbed the rope and while he was biting at her feet, she managed to get up the tree. But that left me on the ground with him. He realized I was chasing him, and he turned on me. I just had to stay alive until someone would notice me in a fight for my life with a dog.

No one did.

No one came outside to save me.

I was a goner.


I was managing to keep him at bay with a fallen branch, but I watched too may movies and shows to know that once it learned enough of my attack and defensive patterns, it would get me. It had already taken a chunk of my sweet ass. It bit me when he barreled into me. I was feeling the blood run down my leg now, but adrenaline was preventing the pain from kicking in. It decided to leap over the heavy leafy branch going for my jugular. I punched out, it latched onto my fist, but it did little damage as my fist was just too big to get any bite force on. So I almost broke my wrist trying to throw it off of my hand. I sprained my wrist, but managed to throw it off. It got up and tried for the side, when I closed my eyes, because the only thing I heard was Girl screaming at me. Time slowed down. When the bite did not happen, I opened my eyes to see my dads beat up old blue GMC a few feet away and I panned my head to the right, and he was wrestling the dog to the ground.

"YOU TWO GET IN THE FUCKING TRUCK NOW!"

My dad's yell snapped me out of my stupor and we both got into the cab, roll up the window and hunkered down. He threw the dog off him and ran to the truck, reached in and grabbed his Heroic and Mighty weapon, that is now in the future in my possession, The Military Issued, Property of the US Government Colt Automatic Pistol, .45. The same gun my dad threatened all of his children to kill if we even thought of playing with it. The Automatic, if I recall correctly just referred to it being magazine fed and the way the rounds were chambered. Still have to pull the trigger for each shot, so its not an assault weapon. The dog stopped its violent charge and slowly backed up, as my dad had it dead to rights in his sight. He backed that dog up with the gun back into its yard, and deeper, and he closed and but the lock that was off of it back in. Once the threat passed, we still had a problem. My ass was getting wetter and hurting something fierce, I reached back and my hand was covered in blood. I passed out. Girl screamed.

I woke up in time to barely feel the last stitch on my abused ass. Nurse was real gentle putting a bandage on it. It was dark when we dropped Girl off at her house. Mom was ready to kill both dog and owner, my youngest siblings bawling about how I was dead. My brother and sister closer to me in age was fighting over my room, and my dad coughed and the room grew silent. I was excused from dinner, a plate and leftovers set aside for me on the threat of death. I just wanted a bath, but was told I could only use those weird bath wipes the hospital uses to clean those with bad wounds. I smelled like fresh ass and linens. I laid in bed, window open, not even hot anymore. Girl climbs into my room, and we quietly count out our money, because next weekend was our first official date night.

Long story short, my father saved us from a vicious attack dog.

[staci]

W/B w/b and woo

[Writers Bloque]

W/B w/b and woo

Thank you Staci!


The Date Night.

There are two main Carnival/Fair seasons in the Cola. October is the Fair the Pensacola Interstate Fair. and in the summer its the Church Donation Rush. The donation rush sees every church in town doing something to raise money for their various needs. My mom was invited to invited to the biggest Baptist's churches freedom carnival, which is held on the 4th of july or the weekend closest. This year the fourth fell on a Friday night, so the carnival was going to be the whole weekend. In hindsight my momma made a killing. Even while pregnant. I am talking we ate GOOD after the money was put into bills, and needs. Like momma was trying to seduce dad by gifting him a big as a roast steak for him to put to flame for a late birthday present. My dad the whole week was pattin his belly satisfied like a bear who found a full unguarded honey hive.

But the drawback.

My mom would not come home until the carnival closed, close to midnight that Friday night, due to the fireworks show, since the church was close enough to where the city had its own display. Thursday night had me and my siblings who were able to help, helping mom set up her booth. Then after it was set up we covered it with a tarp, and waved to the security guards as we left.

"Boy, tomorrow you are going to listen and learn."

My dad said this to me as I walked past his chair.


My dad yelled out his goodbye's as he left for work Friday morning. I sat at my desk counting out the money I had, setting aside some for a lego set that caught my eye. The rest was pure date money. My aunt was already over, making breakfast as mom left with dad, to take her to the show early. I am in my shorts, finally having graduated from the dreaded "Tighty Whities" to boxer briefs as I was becoming a man now. Aunt chides me to get dressed, and I slam my juice and toast, and climb back up the stairs as my aunt was now having to deal with my youngest sisters allergy to clothing. I swear it must be genetic. I slip on my shorts and shirt, and come back down stairs to flip channels, when there is a heavy knock on the door.

At the door was my uncles and friends of the family. And my cool aunt. As they explained it, this is my first date, but mostly Girls first date which they made it seem more important. They abducted me.


I was wild.

I was Free.

But it took 6 men to restrain me.

I did not want this.

But my uncle who ran the shop just smiled.

I was thrown into the chair as a belt was used to restrain me to the chair.

I fought and fought.

But in the end....

Tarzan had his hair cut.

I did not want my hair cut, I was liking the shaggy look. But my cool aunt who was laughing the whole time whispered into my ear that if I did not look good, there was no way to go on a date with Girl. That made me calm down, as my uncle who never before let me choose, showed me the book of hair styles.

"Just look at yourself in the mirror, and then at the book."

After a few minutes, I was not rocking the short boys cut, but that feathered back skin short on the back and sides, with the top trimmed and pulled back. Aunt, knowing full well that this was as far from what my parents wanted as possible just smiled.

Next was to the mall!

Puberty was in full swing in my 14 year old self, so the men took me to the Penny's cologne counter.

"Boy, you stink."

"But this here stuff will make your stink less disgusting."

So the kind lady helped me find the right scent for me. Not old spice like dad's, but my own. I think it was Obsession by some dude named Klein. It smelled spicy in a good way, and the two ladies agreed that it was nice and not too heavy.

So after getting another hygiene conversation, geared towards the opposite sex, I learned my breath must be nice, my smell nice, and my clothes sharp. So we hit up a clothes shop, so I got longer shorts, and good light shirt, since it will be hot, and then a pair of nice shoes. I could have sworn I felt several disturbances in the force, one of them was Girl and her Mother. I could have sworn I had heard the clicks of a camera, but I went with the flow, when they took me to lunch.

"Buy extra food."

"Huh?"

"When on a date, if she says shes not hungry it means she is liking what you got, but could not choose it. So buy extra."

My five time married uncle told me.

"Hold her hand often."

"Huh?"

"Girls are prone to getting lost. Just hold her hand in crowds."

My perfectly married uncle told me.

It was getting close to time as the sun was starting its journey to bed, so I was dropped off at home.

(I was really being followed. Mother in Law wanted to help girl match her outfit to what I was bought. Pictures were taken on the orders of my mom. Her first baby boy was entering the world of romance after all. The funniest part of it all was Wife's side, Apparently preparations for a first date ever is as serious as planning and executing a wedding. Is it really that serious for other women/girls?)

Dad came rumbling home. He spoke not one word to anyone as Aunt left to be replaced by Cousin, who wanted to baby sit as part of her degree in child care. She mistakenly thought I was going to stay home, when my dad called out to me.

"Son, you will be a nervous wreck."

"And you will be painfully aware that she is in fact that creature known as Girl."

"But keep calm and cool, and have fun."

My Dad said as he was already cleaned up and dressed nice, as it was the rule if you joined mom at a Show. Dad handed me a small tin of Altoids, and it was time to pick up Girl. I remember the whole scene.

She was standing there with her mother and father. Her mother was tearing up and her daddy was sterner than a mountain. The fading afternoon sun light rays shown down on her like she was just stepping out of Heavens Carriage. She was magnificent. So very pretty in that sunflower sundress. She even had a smaller sunflower hair pin holding back her bangs. I was shot through the heart and could have fallen dead on her sidewalk. Her lightened blonde hair just shone in the light, as if she was light herself. Her cutely painted toenails squirmed in her sandals as she held a light yellow purse nervously in her hands. She was wearing light make up, and smelled like Channel No. 5, her grandmothers idea. I gulped as my dad rested his huge hand on my shoulder, and gently pushed me forward. She had the necklace on that I had given her when I made her mine. She was blushing harder than any makeup could do as we stood side by side for pictures. She had her nails done, to match, and the bracelet I made her for her birthday. If there was any doubt who she wanted to spend time with was shattered. At that moment, she was the perfect beauty personified. Innocent and sorta pure. I offered her my hand to help her into the truck as her dad pulled me aside.

"Boy, she best be in the same condition coming home as she was when she left."

He said for the first time, but it will never be the last until the ink dried on our marriage certificate.


My mom gasped.

My grandmother giggled.

Their friends smiled and cheered us standing in front of my mom's booth as my dad joined her.

"He cleans up nicely. Had a hell of a time getting his hair cut though."

We were allowed to roam the carnival, eat and have fun, but had to return to the bleachers beside the crafts area when the fireworks started. BUT...

My dad got my mom to join him on their own date. So they were always two booths behind us, but we did not notice. I was trying to impress her which only made her laugh more. She still won more of the games than me, but I did not mind, as she was walking with ME. People watched us, and I knew some other boys were trying to sniff around her, and I activated my beginning level of Intimidation, which was more like a puppy bowing up to impress his dad, but with others my age it was effective. She put down some food all lady like, but I was glad I took the advice of buying extra. We kissed on the Ferris wheel. God Bless you Mr. Ferris, for you Sir have created an epic thing for couples. We were winding down with ice cream, so I brought everyone at the booth a drink, and some pop corn for us.

We watched the fireworks as I held her close, as there was a chill in the air threatening early morning storms. I looked over at my dad who gave me the thumbs up, before returning to helping mom bag up peoples purchases. When the display was over, we rushed to buy the things we missed and I got me a big cup with our picture on the side. And it was Dad who took us home.

I walked her to the door, and she kissed me good night. I could hear behind the door her dad wanting to murder me and her mom holding him back. She giggled and kissed my cheek before going inside for the night.

We kissed plenty of times before, but that night, I was drunk off of the kisses. I could barely walk and my dad said I had a goofy grin. My dad left after dropping me off to go stay with mom until she was ready to come home.

"Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh, and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Oh, yeah"

That's how it felt. I went to bed half dead. Woke up and we were okay, but it was a little awkward.

When she tells it, its almost a Harlequin romance novel. But hey as long as it was good for her.

And it was all my Dad's doing. from civilizing me, to keeping his friend from murdering me.

Thanks Dad![/size]

[Writers Bloque]

15 is a Hell of an Age

Yeah.

We were wild.

We and our friends got bored really quickly.

Between getting into fights with other people muscling in on our lawn cutting turf to snitching penny candy, we were trouble.

That smile I spoke of when I posted about my wife in the hospital, I do not know where it comes from, but this day, things got really serious.

You know how rumors can explode?

Well the man in this story really was a piece of shit.

Like calling him that would be insulting to shit.

This jackass was a piece of work in the worst sense possible.



My Parents Yard.

A man with a lady rides up to our house on a golf-cart. GF and I was sitting in the shade of the oak tree in the back yard, as Momma was at work, but told me to move the boards marked with marker to her saws in the shop. GF had shucked her tank top, and was wearing a bikini top as we were hanging out in my backyard with our (mostly her) friends.

This fucknut walks around the house, as no one answered the door. Duh, no one is in the house. My siblings are at camps, and the babies are with my aunt and grandma at the pool. Dad was at work, as was mom.

"Hey, kid!"

The man shouted at me as I was pissing in the bushes. I had a habit of not running in the house to pee.

"What? you mind, I am watering the plants."

"Your parents home?"

"No."

"Heh."

"?"

"Tell them I stopped by."

"Okay."

The man left with the woman, and I walked to the mailbox, to find a notice in there. Apparently an SO was moving into the neighborhood.

GF walked up with her girlfriends, and she reached in my pockets for some money, and something *else*. But she was going to the store for drinks and snacks.

"Baby, I would like a Grapico, and a Little Debbie."

The other girls perked up at the thought of those nice snacks.

They left on their bikes, giving a ride to those with no bike.

I got back to work, one of the chores was to rinse out the kiddy pool. I sprayed the cleaning spray, and cleaned it out. But it was hot as all fuck outside, so after cleaning it, I filled it and got in. Boy was I smart as I was relaxing with visions of grape drinks and sweets in my head.

*WARNING*

This next part of the story is 100% true, but also contains mentions of SA, stalking, and Violence. I will try to keep it vague, but if this offends or triggers, understand that it is not my intention, but this is a story from me and my wife's past.

You Have Been Warned.


I was at that level of mellow that nothing was going to bother me.

Until.

A group of seven girls jump off bikes and crash past me, running into my locked front door. They huddled on my front porch, which was a raised porch, with a half wall thing that made a alcove next to my front door. I was on the sidewalk, in a kiddy pool, as the golf cart man rode by alone. Behind me there was heavy breathing and sounds of trying to keep each other quiet.

Something was not right. Eight girls, and five bikes left, but seven girls and four bikes returned.

I asked behind me.

"Carol was going to go get Sarah and Jocelyn."

Then it dawned on them.

That cubby hole became alive with frantic worry.

Carol was our age, but not tall. Like she looks like she would be perfect in elementary school. Being that small, GF made protecting her one of the provisios to continue getting the milk free, so to speak. Her most defining features was being a D almost E cup, as a freshman in high school. She bloomed hard in middle school and that was a blow to her self esteem. I tried telling her she was fine as she was often, but still its a bitter pill to swallow when mother nature endows you with too much of a good thing.

"Writer, I swear to god, go get her or you will never get this again."

"God Dammit."

I got out of the pool, and grabbed my bike. I rode to her house first, her mom said she was gone already, and asked why I was dripping wet. I made a comment about the trials and tribulations of being a good boyfriend, which earned me a funny rebuke of "Wait until you are married." I laughed and rode off to the store. At the store Sarah and Jocelyn, in their bathing suits, but wearing shorts, were leaving for my house. My parents could finally afford CABLE, and well the girls wanted to watch stuff. My mom did not mind as long as there was no freaky wet and wild group monkey adult times were going on.

"Where is Carol?"

"She should be at your house now."

"Get to my house fast. Tell GF to lock the door and you all wait for me."

I was in protective brother mode.

The path from my house to Carol's is pretty long. Along it is the Pre-school, Public park, a trailer park (like the one I mentioned before but smaller,) two churches and a cemetery. And it did not even involve the two major streets.

I rode by the pre=school, which was also a day care in the summer, my very young siblings were playing with others. I left before they noticed. Kids in the neighborhood could play on their equipment, or stop to get their water bottles refilled. Nice place.

No she was not there.

Not at the churches, or cemetery. 

I rode through the park and seen her bike, and the golf cart nearby. The park had restrooms, but the big rule was that to use them, you went in a squad. That was the rule, to prevent bad shit. You know what would prevent bad things better? Putting the restroom building closer to the street, where everyone and his brother can see if shit is going down.

"Please....Stop it..."

"This is your fault. You're wearing a skimpy top with tits like those."

"Unnn..."

I was furious. He had her up against the door to the girls restroom, attempting to go further than just ripping her top. I was afraid he would hurt her if I charged in.

I was looking around for something to hit him with, but there was nothing. I could yell back to my house, as my parents house was only a block or two away.

I left my bike, and stood by the golf cart.

"HEY FUCKER, LET HER GO."

"THANKS FOR THE RIDE!"

I jumped into the golf cart. It was on, and ready to go. He obviously noticed, and was charging out after me. People around noticed me. I think even God had his eye on me at that point.

I put it into drive, and hit the pedal. Carol was trying to unfreak herself out, and got on her bike as the man was chasing me.

"CAROL, GO TO MY HOUSE!!"

I yelled as I rode off with a drunk bastard trying to chase me down. He already knew where I lived, and that was fine by me. I took a shortcut back to my house, where Carol was being glomped on by the group. GF was like "Move over, let me drive." I let her, cause her dad had golf carts at his junkyard she drives often to help.

We rode off. The others went inside and locked the door.

We talked about what the fuck we were doing, I said I was doing what I could to protect Carol.

My idea was to just get her out of there, I had no plan after.

So I suggested we put the cart back at the park, and we can ride off on my bike.

Not gonna happen.

A police car started to creepily follow us as we headed to the park.

It hit the lights and siren at the intersection. What the fuck?

So in front of us was the park proper, behind us was a cop, and my Dad, who was coming home from work was at the intersection to my left. She floored it as my Dad was just shaking his head at the level of bullshit.

In one moment, we were going all the way.

Time slowed down. Her top bounced as we raced across the road, as the cop was getting out of his car. The problem was that the ditch was a foot too wide to jump properly. But we tried.

And almost died.

I thrust my left arm out to brace her as we were flipping and rolling after failing the jump. My arm screamed at me. I blacked out.

While we were at the hospital, where everyone now knew my name, in a bed beside GF who was in her own bed, a shit storm was brewing at my house...

A living room full of angry, scared and freaked out girls. My dad tried to calm everyone down. He went home after watching us bite it on a jump, the police having called EMS.

Carol, who is the daughter of my dads great friends, explained what happened.

He went into my sister1's room and brought out a tank top she could borrow. Not the best idea, as the shirt did not cover her belly for *REASONS* Two of them in fact.
(In other words, her breasts were too big to let the shirt come down, and was tight on her bosom.)

She told her story, she had hit the store for snacks and soda, as the girls got permission from my mom to watch the latest teen movie on cable. Mom said fine, but don't get frisky. Fine. So she was coming straight here, as Sarah and Jocelyn wanted their own snacks. Carol also suffered from what GF called childs bladder syndrome. So she figured hit the park's restroom quick, as she did not think she was gonna make it to my house. But she admitted that she did not notice the guy on the golf cart following her. He caught her coming out of the bathroom, and tore her top off, and well did what you do with a bare pair of breasts in front of them. The point I showed up, he was going after her bottoms.

Dad was pissed. Like He was mad like it was his own daughter being attacked.

The girls followed him, leaving Carol in the safety of my house.

The police showed up, and Carol told her story.

The girls, following my dad to the park would tell us to this day that the asphalt was melting with each of his steps.

The man recovered his golf cart, and was trying to get it to turn on, the key having fell out during the accident.

Now what happened next was a neighborhood legend. The girls tell one story, and witnesses tell another.

The Girls:

Dad beat the fuck up out of the guy before the police got there. I wish I could fancy this up, but I cant, my dad just beat the man inches from death.

The other witnesses:

The pervert swung first, and even tried hitting my dad with a rock in his hand. My dad defended himself. Same, but everyone liked my dad, as he helped people out.

The Bad Touch Asshole:

My dad wanted to steal his cart, set a trap using a young overly endowed girl to trap him, knowing he was a RSO, and was trying to extort him.

Me:

Fuck that guy.

GF:

Yeah, Fuck that guy.

So after a day in the hospital, we were escorted together to Juvie, where the charges were dropped, because well stealing a golf cart to protect a girl from possible SA/SB/R isnt as serious as what was going down. We were told to keep our noses clean, or we could be back. Mom came to get us. we got Ice Cream, as that was an effective reward. I had to wear my left arm in a sling for a couple of weeks.

The outcome.

Dude got busted. Like there was not even a shred of doubt to her story, especially after Carol went the hospital to be checked out, and dude had her skin under his fingernails, as the nurses found deep scratches on her breasts.

Carol was a scared woman for awhile, but then my dad decided to teach all the girls we knew in my gf's social group, plus my sisters how to punch and fight dirty.

That was an interesting week.

But she grew bolder and confident, and also developed a one sided crush on my dad. But he played it off in the best way.

She was at the bar for dads memorial service, with her husband and kids.

He told the girls to call the police. Tell the dispatch what happened.

[Writers Bloque]

How Dad and in a small way I saved my sister's chastity (not in s weird way.)

As I said before, rumors and reputations are hard to shake.

Early summer, 16, and turning a wrench.

This is was the first day of summer break. Dad yesterday had an argument with my mom over what I was allowed to do over the summer. Such talks always devolved into a spirited discussion.

Mom wanted to teach me to help her wood work and paint.

But dad took the opportunity to get me a job at the mattress factory he worked at repairing the trucks and forklifts.

Mom said I could go, after realizing I needed to be taught to my strengths.

So I went to work stacking box spring frames in the summer heat.

I liked it. I met so many interesting people, despite being "The Kid"

But after work, dad picked up GF who was working with her daddy filling part orders from the warehouse on the property.

But the reason we had to take her, was we were collecting something.

-THE BIRTH OF MY FIRST CAR.-

Dad had to get it.

He had to be at work before I had to clock in, and it was getting to the point where it would strain his work.

We get home with the Chevelle that looked like it needed to be buried with honors.

We unloaded it, and GF stayed behind as dad went to return the car dolly.

GF was rocking the "Hot Girl on the Hot Car like a Whitesnake music video" game.

We of course made out with the hood up.

Dad handed me a packet of papers detailing all I had to do to get it to run, and how to do it. He even set a Chilton on the workbench.

I started working on the minor things, like checking the plugs, and oil. Dad returned with a new gas tank for it, because scrap yards puncture gas tanks.

Mom got a little mad.

I had my license for just under a month so far, and she did not see me having this car up and running any time soon.

Funny.

We had it running in two weeks.

But something was brewing at my house.

My first sister was hot to trot.

Not that she did not have any common sense, but dazzled by high school boys. This was going to be her freshman year in the fall, and already she caught the eye of a *well* known dude.

Player Preston.

This dude was smooth, to the point of being caught triple timing his gf, and not even getting slapped. He had groupies, legitimate gaggles of girls who thought his shit did not stink.

My GF's friends were immune to his charms, because well they are truly smarter than average.

But my sister was not.

She sat with my GF's friends talking about how dreamy he was when she met him by chance at the gas station.

Collective Eye Roll.

Nothing they could say would quench the fire in her heart over him.

Nothing.

--Week two---

The car ran. Well at least it started and did not smoke, so it was a win. Dad hit the tire lesbian up. (She herself called herself that because too many teen boys hit on her when getting tires from her that she had to shout it in their faces.) And my car had 4 okay tires.

Dad ordered me to go fuel it up.

Of course GF jumped in, So did Carol and my sister.

I rolled my eyes, as I had to lean forward to let them in the back.

We got there, and of course I got laughed at.

By Pissant Preston.

His mom bought him a mustang, and I was driving a Chevelle RS. later I would smoke him like a cigarette off the line when we raced, after a visit to my dads friends shop the speed shack, to have my cylinders bored out. She looked nasty, but ran better.

But this day my sister was gushing over him as we pumped gas. Carol kept trying to rescue her. I finally finished and paid, told my sister I was going to leave her behind, and she sadly jumped in.

We cruised around, and came home to my mom and dad sitting in the driveway, drinking tea.

I reported to dad everything he asked about how it ran.

A day more of tuning, and that Friday, I was at the insurance company, my dad adding me to his policy, and my car, that was actually one problem away from being unable to be insured.

The next day

Saturday morning, and there was a group of girls sitting around my car. Mom was at a show, and dad was at work. I had that Saturday off, and apparently I was now the driver for an entire princess squad, Five girls made it possible to sit in the car.

"Writer, please take us to the mall!"

My plan was to hang out at FB's speed shop to learn something to squeeze more power out of it.

The Girls plan was to buy new swimsuits and hang out at Pensacola Beach.

I did not trust my car to make the trip over the 3 mile bridge, where you get a huge ticket for breaking down on it.

So we got to the mall as it opened, and they got their suits.

I bought new board shorts too.

We headed to the beach, doing stupid shit, like EVERYONE BUT ME IN THE CAR CHANGING INTO THEIR SUITS. I had a hard time concentrating on the critical task of keeping the car on the road. I pulled over to let them finish, and once everyone was done, I stopped by the house, as my brother was being paid to watch the others until grandma showed up to get the youngest. He told me sister left in a bathing suit with Preston.

I was pissed.

The meet up for high schoolers on the beach was just off the bridge, as the parking was easier for students to navigate. I seen Preston's mustang, and parked right next to it. We rushed to the beach, and found everyone there was eating lunch, everyone but my sister.

"Man, Writer's family must be dumb as shit, his sister thought I actually liked her. The look on her face when we left her at the gas station on the other side of town was priceless."

Yes, fucking Preston was a horrible douche bag.

I bull rushed him as he was laughing at putting my sister in danger.

It took a lot of people to peel me off of him. I was attempting to give him free facial reconstruction surgery.

That was my sister.

Yes she was fucking annoying and bratty. But she was also smart and cute.

I learned he was planning this to get back at me for letting my GF and her friends talks shit about him to other girls, as if I was talking shit. I don't talk behind backs, If I have a problem I say it to faces.

Revenge was sweet.

The first revenge was me leaving the girls to go get my sister. She was sitting in the shade, curled up small to hide. She was crying in my front seat, realizing she was tricked. I took her home, and ran to get the girls. Once home, showers were had, and my sister, deeply hurt by this cried with my GF and her friends.

Preston has to deliver pizza's for his uncle to pay for the car.

I asked everyone if they were hungry for pizza.

GF begged me not to do it. But she also did not try hard enough to stop me either.

Preston's uncles place was one of those rare "30 minutes or free." places.

He did not know my neighborhood well, as their shop is on the other side of town from us, and this was before the place would only serve within a few miles of the shop. I ordered five pizzas, one all the way except anchovies, and other kinds of pizza. I ordered three two liters, and their breadsticks.

Then I started the countdown on my watch. The only way to my parents place from that direction is around the park, long ways.

I called some friends, and we played maze with Preston. Cars breaking down in his path, or blocking the road caused him to be late by five minutes getting to my house. A sixty dollar dinner, free. Not free as it came out of his pay check, but I tipped him a dollar for the effort.

My dad's revenge was way worse.

Dad was friends with FB. The owner of the speed shop, where everyone in the know went to get their shit souped up. Preston just had the bad luck to show up when my dad was there shooting the shit with a long time family friend. Preston did not know who my dad was. Nor did he know that my dad stayed up comforting his first daughter, and the rage he kept in check, preventing him from walking out and murdering him.

Preston wanted a once over his engine because he felt a drop in power.

Well if you changed the air filter, then....

But dad helped him out.

He loosened two spark plugs a little, and other mechanic asshole shit.

The mustang sounded like a pig leaving, not like a horse.

The car broke down.

No one gave a fuck.

He had to spend serious money to get it fixed.

But Carol did the unthinkable at a summer party at the Bayou.

Preston was still high off his joke the next week, and Carol walked up and grabbed him close, and planted her knee so far into his crotch, he could taste the lotion she used on it.

In front of everyone. She told everyone what happened, and why she did it. No one fucks with Carol anymore.

[msslave]

I will never get tired of reading your stories about your early days growing up. Your writing style makes them even funnier. I doubt anyone f**ked with your family more than once 

[Writers Bloque]

I will never get tired of reading your stories about your early days growing up. Your writing style makes them even funnier. I doubt anyone f**ked with your family more than once 

True, the problem was the amount of people who tried was a bit staggering.

My Baby Brother's broken heart.

My brother, the one right after me was a kind soul. Yeah he got into things, but mostly was gentle. He was a little like a playboy, but he never shot outside of his range for women, or in better words he never aimed higher than where he was.

That was, until he met Cherie.

He was a Sophomore, not doing that great in school, his grades were good, but socially he was not out there.

Also this takes place the fall after I rescued my sister.

Cherie was blessed with it all. Looks, personality, and a physique men would die for. She played volleyball and ran track, and she was known as a bit of a man eater. Having more boyfriends in the two years of being in high school than most people in their lifetime.

But until this happened, no one believed she was a dreaded "Slut."

However, my brother was showing his talents for metalworking and machines, and the school has an OJT program, where he was sent to a Vo-tech school for two periods to learn welding. He blossomed in that environment, winning awards and high praise and such.

Hell, he was getting good enough that I financed his first welding box, a cheap little unit, and he would help me with my car.

So Cherie was okay with my GF. I don't know how it is put by ladies in interpersonal relationships with each other, but they were less than friends, but not instantly claws out with each other, but a little more than civil.

My GF and Cherie shared the same P.E. class and Cherie was a sort of back up cheerleader, in case a member of the squad was out.

So it was a crisp Sunday morning, my brother was helping me reinforce my back bumper, as GF, who finally got her license backed it into one of those concrete pillars that protect the doors of stores. She was there with her friends and Cherie, because I promised to take them to lunch and to go to the arts and crafts show my mom was at. I learned they liked that sort of thing. But Brosef was laying some beads on the mounting brackets for the bumper, overlaying it with more metal to make it stronger. I replaced the bumper, as I was not seriously mad, because the piece of shit was almost rusted off the car.

Brosef got it done, and got up, and Cherie started to put her claws into him.

Oh she laid it on hard.

He never seen it coming.

After a week, they were "Dating."

I say it like that, because technically they both had no jobs, nor transportation, except me, because he helps maintain Demon Speeding.

But that only got them a ride from me, and only if me and GF were going out.

So they were a great couple, on the phone for two hours every night, he carried her books and all was good.

Carol, who has now become She-Ra, stronger and less prone to freak outs, heard something nasty.

So it was the week of Halloween, and a certain party was being held.

The girls are now becoming stuck on Brosef, like more than Cherie was.

Not a word to me.

Not a word to Dad.

But mom knew and kept her mouth shut.

The night of the infamous party, Mom told me to gather the kids, girls, and brother.

She handed me the keys to her van under the threat of death should it have no gas or was damaged coming home.

--The Party---

Brosef just wore his welding attire, which was a blue jumpsuit, leather overalls, his mask, and a bandanna.

Cherie dressed as a biker chick.

I dressed like "He who did not give a fuck, and rather be home or making out with GF."

GF and friends dressed like the spice girls. I will never let her live that down. Ever.

My younger siblings went with whatever costumes were cheap.

We drop the brats off, after making a lap through each neighborhood, and the three trunk or treats.

Brosef and Cherie wanted a ride, so I fit them into the van.

We get to the party, which was just starting, and we mingle.

Drinks flowed, nothing illegal yet, but I was the DD, and vastly underage, Underaged drinking is bad kids, mm'kay.

An hour in and the party was in full swing, the girls were really done with the party, because Carol punched a dude in the dick for grabbing her ass, and the girl to boy ratio was out of whack so no one of the woman kind really felt "safe" there. I mean there were other girls, but there were way more boys, which add the party favors and not kid friendly drinks in, was a recipe for some serious trouble.

On top of that, the girls were running interference keeping Cherie and Brosef from vanishing up stairs when a room became free.

My brother also was hanging out with the baseball team. He was a catcher and first baseman on the team.

I started to get the feeling something was not right.

Rumors were going down about some mid party entertainment about to go down.

I was drinking my grapico, I stopped beforehand and got a few bottles, when Douglas came in.

He was an okay guy. Kind of dopey, but not really a bad dude.

He pats my shoulder on the way in, as I was stepping out to smoke, yeah, I smoked tobacco at parties, not weed.

We only interact at school, and at most a light hearted joke or ribbing.

I was smoking when Taylor asked me for a cigarette.

I really did not like her. Not hate, but her personality was grating. She was just dripping with sweet venom. The type of person who will love you to your face, but talk a dump full of shit about you when you are gone.

I give her one, and we smoke, then she asked me something strange.

"How much?"

"How much for what?"

"How much for a go with Brosef?"

"The fuck?"

She only told me that something fun was going on.

Nuh uh.

I rush in, and get stopped by some of my girlfriends unit.

thats when I heard it.

The crowd in the living room start hooting and hollering.

Cherie was miming how big my brothers cock was to the crowd, and it was as the rumors said, impressive.

He inherited it from Dad.

I was furious when I heard Cherie start taking bids on his first time.

Not that he was Cherry, though. Because he lost that with his friend playing doctor under the girls trailer. Yeah we all knew he was soiled.

She was pimping my brother out.

That was the secret kept from me. She was not in love with my brother, but was waiting for the right time to make money off of him. Thats why shes the queen of boyfriends. She would ditch the ones she knew weren't "Good" in that respect.

I couldn't save him.

BUT.

Jocelyn would.

She honestly had a crush on him.

She just liked him alot.

So she bought his first time, and a condom.

But that was the plan.

Once the deal was struck, the money handed over, my GF went for gusto in making Cherie a drink.

Remember those old cartoons where the drink was strong enough to melt a spoon?

I do not think there was anything but liquor in the cup.

I think the cup was melting from the strong mix.

Cherie got drunk QUICK.

The girls carried her to the back of the van. We got the money back.

--In the room with Jocelyn--

Brosef was lying there naked, blind folded and tied up.

Jocelyn could not resist *EDITED FOR CONTENT*

Once she was through, she confessed to him, that she loved him.

And years later, she is my sister in law.

But what of Cherie?

Everything was caught on tape.

The girls left her drunk ass on her porch.

Later a video arrived to their house, with signed letters from all the boys involved.

She was shipped off to the bad girl school, PACE.

Brosef was a tiny bit sad. Fucker, he had a good woman wanting him and fell for a bitch.

[Writers Bloque]

My most cherished memory of my Father.

It was the week of Thanksgiving.

'86, five years old.

The week started with me getting to walk with dad to his job, as he worked not even a full block from the duplex complex we lived in. Mom dressed me up as it was a little chilly, and my birthday was a full day away. I got up real early, excited. Dad helped me put on my small work boots. I was going to work with Daddy! Best Day Ever! (the reason was that my mom was in the hospital about to give birth to my sister, and my grandmother had her hands full as apparently everyone in my family was in the baby making mood, so her house was the impromptu day care.) There was a shit ton of nepotism between my grandmother and my brother, as I was a handful and more at that age. My dad got a promotion, so he did not install garage doors anymore, but would take a work truck for repairs or replacements.

The sight of my dad, carrying my car seat as we walked to work makes me tear up remembering it. I felt like a cub following his papa lion, all proud and as manly as I could be to be like him.

We walked in, and the receptionist handed me a card.

Dad said you needed one to clock in.

I did not know what that meant, but it was neat.

He picked me up so the time card could be punched.

He placed it behind his and went for a cup of coffee.

"Coffee ready?"

"Yeah!"

I tried talking gruff like my dad.

"Any juice?"

"Yeah!"

The other workers who tussled my hair said in passing. I had my big boy cup full of orange juice!

I stood around with my dad, completely in awe that this was the coolest place to be.

After the install crews were sent out, my dad got his first work order of the day.

My dad put my car seat into the truck.

We drove as my eyes sparkled.

I could not leave the truck, so I had the important job was to make sure the truck was Okay.

I sat there, pretending Optimus was behind me protecting daddy's work truck. (I put him in the lunch box with our sandwiches and stuff. I only took the truck part and his guns, the trailer would not fit.)

The whole day I watched my dad fix garage doors for people. The last hour of the shift found me rushing to the shop's rescue with Optimus, because dad had to go on a special job, that I could not go.

I protected the nice receptionist. She hugged me calling me cute. I hid behind the counter, because some gruff looking workers came in angry. She scolded them and pointed to where I was hiding.

They lightened up a bit.

Time to clock out came, it was getting dark, so dad borrowed the work truck to take me home. But first, Mcdonalds!!!!

"A working man needs a mean dinner to satisfy!"

"Yeah!"

I was a really easy going boy.

Saturday came. Dad had to go in. But my aunt came to get me, because there was a major problem at work.

Despite not being cool aunt, she was nice.

After a bath, fresh clothes and my going out bag packed, our first stop was the hospital. Momma wanted to see her big man.

She was lying in bed hooked up like a robot.

I hugged my momma. Like really. Because while I had fun with dad, I wanted to tell mom all about it.

But I learned later dad told her already.

"Momma, I worked!"

"Oh?"

"I guarded daddy's work truck!"

"Good boy!"

After some time, we had to rush to the airport.

I was confused, were we going somewhere?

No, we were picking someone up.

I sat silently making optimus punch out megatron when I heard the magic words...

"Hey Kiddo!"

I lost my collective shit.

Of all my mom's siblings, he was the freaking coolest.

"Hi Uncle!!!!"

"Here, got you something for your birthday!"

"Huh?"

It had completely escaped my mind that it was my 5th birthday.

He handed me a big wrapped box.

"We will open it later."

"Sure!"

I spent the day at my grandma's house as that was where he was crashing during his visit.

We opened the present, it was the first lego castle. Fucking A.

We spent the afternoon building it.

It was decided my official birthday party would be on thanksgiving day.

Dad showed up.

We went home with the castle secured in the back of his truck.

But we did not go directly home.

Dad took me to a real dinner. Hopkins House! Friday night steak/roast night!

After dinner he took me to the mall. We went into the toy shop.

Of course I picked up another transformer. Duh.

But then he told me to get ready.

We went to go see the final showings of the Transformers movie.

I shaved off years of my life with the level of freak out. I seen it when it first came out, but that was months ago.

Popcorn check.
Sodas check.
Candy check.

We watched again the forces of good and evil battle on screen. I was glued, not wanting to miss a single second.

After, dad was tired, so we went home.

I burned out my energy playing with the new toys.

I fell asleep on the floor among my toys.

Sunday.

Girl was over, as we all were going to church. I was dressed nice, and me and girl were put in childrens church. I got in trouble for asking why was Jesus hurt when he could have asked for Optimus Prime drive him away? My dad was amused.

her family and my dad and I went out for fried chicken for lunch.

We played in my room until we were found huddled together asleep.

Best weekend Ever.

Monday, Mom was released. Turns out it was too early for labor, and she was sent home. She powered her way through helping prepare the big dinner. Girl and her family was joining us. We played more, except the game turned into HOUSE or FORCED ENSLAVEMENT OF WRITER UNDER THE GUISE OF BEING A DADDY. Naw, I ran with Optimus, hoping he would save me from the she devil.
We were called cute alot, even as she was trying to bash my head in with her baby doll, while screaming about how it was my turn to watch her.

Fun times.

I also discovered how fundamentally different she was from me, when I asked if her pee pee was stolen. We were in my grandmothers giant tub with my cousins and brother. Dad told me girls don't have pee pee's like ours because someone stolen them.

She of course was confused. Cousins were freaking out.

More fun times running around sky clad looking for a lost wee wee.

Everyone just laughed. Not me. I got my ass switched back inside.

The time my dad took to spend time with me was and will always be the most epic memory of him I had, barely beating the time he taught me about Sugar Cane, and why it was sweet inside.