Love this thread. The good tone, helpfulness and the way a few brainless, macho comments have been ignored is heartwarming.
Warning! I have overdone it again so if you are not into a short story made long, you better skip this one.
I have tried and failed myself on this and I have a few thoughts.
Looking inwards I have found that I had at least 50% of the responsibility when the sex life got old. Some things cannot be repaired, but not all courses are lost. So, take a good look at yourself, and ask if you have done everything possible to save your sex-life.
I was successful with one strategy, but that was on an earlier stage. My wife had declined sex for over a month, using different excuses, and having a very high sex drive, I was going nuts.
Looking back, I could see that we had jumped more and more of the preliminary steps, going straight to the hard-core part, taking the fun and excitement out of sex. So. I thought up an evil plan.
She looked tired. “A hard” day at work” she said.
“Why don’t I give you a massage?” I suggested.
I could see that she was afraid I wanted sex and quickly stopped her, “No sex, just a massage to make you relax.”
She agreed, a little reluctantly, and I massaged her back and front, all over, including her toes and scalp. Only her breasts and pussy were left untouched.
I could clearly smell that this had not only relaxed her, but having finished I just kissed her tenderly, saying good night.
This was repeated later that week.
The following week, another repetition, only this time she asked if I could massage her again, and when I, for the umpteenth time, came very close to her pussy without touching it, she simply moved my hand to it.
Fine with me. Holding her, kissing her I took her to an orgasm with my fingers before saying good night.
A couple of nights after, same build up, only this time she pushed my head to breasts as well. So, I made love to her beautiful breasts with my fingers and mouth while fingering her to her orgasm, but still without trying to move further. I just held her, giving her a few kisses.
“Don´t you want intercourse anymore?” she later asked.
“Sure” I answered. “Just don’t want to push you. Let me know when you are ready and don´t be afraid to initiate, if you feel frisky.”
There was a long silence and then we started talking about our feelings and desires. Even a few secrets were disclosed.
What I am trying to say is that your wife is not killing your sex life, you both are. If your “together life” suffers, then your sex-life will be the first victim. Take a walk, buy flowers unexpected, take a long weekend somewhere. Go to a concert or a movie. Anything counts and don´t expect wonders from the start. And don’t give up until you are sure you have tried everything. Feeling sorry for yourself will take you nowhere fast.. Still seeking help and advice proves that you care.