Random work thoughts.

[Writers Bloque]

Every felony case starts with a grand jury proceeding. This is where people (the grand jury) hear testimony under oath to decide if there is a sufficient likelihood that a crime was committed. It is the first thing that happens, even before an indictment. So they may just need your testimony to secure an indictment, and then most cases are resolved without the necessity of a trial.

Oh I always thought the grand jury was the "you are nicely and properly fucked" jury. Like the little crimes were handled by the one courthouse and the big ticket crimes were federal. Cause you never hear about a grand jury being brought together for things like petty theft, or assault and battery. Thank you for the clarification.

[Writers Bloque]

Can someone tell me why "Bint" is a derogatory slang word for woman and girl. I heard one woman call another woman it today and I googled it but it did not say why it was a bad word, anyone know?

[Pornhubby]

“Bint” is actually an Arabic word meaning “girl” or “daughter,” brought home to the UK by British servicemen who had served in the Middle East as long ago as the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries. Apparently, it was used as a pejorative for the local women that they “fraternized” with. It is not as ugly as “bitch” but definitely implies the woman is of lower social standing and not to be considered an equal. Since then it has spread throughout the Commonwealth countries, but is not used as frequently as in days of old.

[Writers Bloque]

“Bint” is actually an Arabic word meaning “girl” or “daughter,” brought home to the UK by British servicemen who had served in the Middle East as long ago as the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries. Apparently, it was used as a pejorative for the local women that they “fraternized” with. It is not as ugly as “bitch” but definitely implies the woman is of lower social standing and not to be considered an equal. Since then it has spread throughout the Commonwealth countries, but is not used as frequently as in days of old.

Oh. So it was a claws out moment? Because they had a heated exchange over who's break time it was.

[Writers Bloque]

Today can be summed up with "Lackluster."

I went in, and sat. and sat. and sat. Then I was called into a room, and they asked me somethings, then I written out what I told them, and once everything was done, I was kicked out. I returned to work, and then a big meeting was cancelled. I finished up some left over work that was not due for a bit. So all I was worried about not happened, and I got some coffee and danishes from it.

[Writers Bloque]

Politics are no longer allowed to be discussed at work. Period.

HR ruled from their Ivory tower that if anyone else reports being called names like bigot and such during a conversation, everyone will find their heads on chopping blocks.

It is surprising that a bunch of grown adults cannot agree to disagree in a personable manner. You do not have to like the person, but completely invalidating their point of view because you do not agree with their point of view and opinions is seriously wrong.

Also people need a dictionary and thesaurus around here. That's why I do not like talking my political views much.

Also more things I cannot do:

19. I cannot throw down my gauntlet for a duel against a co-worker to stop the mistreatment of the Serfs.

 There is a guy all the way on the other side of the floor who is the epitome of lazy asshat. Wants coffee? Wont walk the fifteen feet to the coffee machine. The talk behind his back is that hes trying to build a nice little nest of the cuter secretaries. So I threw a glove at him and drew my pointing tool at him. Let's say HR was less than pleased with us reenacting the final fight scene from the Highlander Movie. This is also the reason why I cannot give over everything to the guy who looks like me in the repair crew if I lost and died.

20. I cannot start an intern cannonball run when the floor ran out of copy paper.

We ran out of copy paper. So I thought I would challenge and motivate the interns by offering a reward of fifty bucks and an Outback Steakhouse gift card to the first intern to bring back four cases of reams of copy paper. Boss got mad. I had to call it off and go get it myself if I was not so busy. I wasn't as I needed paper. So I went out and got a nice supply of it which lead to.....

21. I cannot start a black market for office supplies.

I cannot charge a dime per sheet of paper. I cannot charge twenty dollars for a box of the "good" pencils. Firstborns are not currency. I do not have "Everything that can cure your ails." Nor am I allowed to ration anything out. I was bored.

22. I am not a psychic medium. Even if I can accurately predict things, that even a blind man can see happening. I cannot sell winning lottery numbers.

23. There is no secret biological weapons lab in the basement. You are not allowed in the basement. There are no legion of dwarves mining gold down there.

24. Incense may not be burned at work. Even if it is to drive out the evil spirits that are messing us up.

[Writers Bloque]

More things I am not allowed to do:


25. I cannot guard the Secretaries building, nor are the secretaries princesses, even if one is my own daughter working her way to save for college.

26. I cannot start an empire on the floor. No one is my vassal, and the interns are not serfs.

27. "Fuck off" is never an appropriate response to an absurdly stupid question. Even if you spent longer answering it than it took to ask. Even if they should know the answer already.

28. "Crimes" and "War Crimes" are not what you are currently doing at your job, nor should ever be used as descriptors to new hires about what you actually do here.

29. We do not have special forces style mercenaries on payroll here secretly. We are not funding private military forces to take over the world for us. Stop telling the interns that they need to start preparing to be trained for war.

30. Lunch is the time to eat and relax, not sacrifice innocent interns to the business gods for a favorable quarter. No we will not finance the construction of a green marble alter. Your are not the high priest in service to the god of finance. You may not implore secretaries to become shrine maidens or oracles in your "Temple." Your office is not a sanctuary. No candles are to be lit, unless they are on a cake.

31. There is no such thing as the "Orange Catholic Bible." Stop intoning "Thou shalt not create a machine in the likeness of the human mind." When the idea of using AI comes up in meetings.

32. Movies are to be watched at lunch or on breaks, and possibly, if there is absolutely nothing more you can do for a bit. Do not try to ursurp a meeting with "The Outlaw Josie Wales." Even if you supply the drinks and popcorn.

33. You can in fact tell someone under you to go get their own damned paper. But it is a bit excessive to force them to carry a single case full of reams of paper one at a time back without the cart. No one has the right to order your PA around, that is true, but most humans can say no just fine on their own.

34. There will be no company wide fall fashion shows, nor any beauty classes either. 

[Writers Bloque]

Today is total ass.

I come in, grab a couple of doughnuts and sit down at the meeting table in my office to read the paper before I do any actual work. BOOM surprise department heads meeting. Subject: End of Year company activity.

Basically the higher ups want to burn off some of the profits and get some tax breaks for hosting an event. Last years was paintball and hiking. This year? Deep sea fishing trip.

How in the bloody fuck are we going to arrange to go in the worst possible time of the year, gathering almost three hundred people to go out in the gulf, which is in its bad time of the year, to try and catch fish that may or may not be there because its the bad time of year to do this? Did I mention gulf fishing in the middle of winter is a bad idea, in the worst time to do it?

So here is the rough draft of the plan. We will do it. That's it, no planning, no searching for charters, nor caring that this might be a really fucking bad idea.

"So yeah, I think this is bad. How about we change it to late spring, so we can have time to prepare, and not go head first into a wintery watery death trap."

"But it wont be the end of the year."

"Hypothermia. Loss of life. The Perfect Storm. Need I say more?"

"You are being too Dramatic."

"Look you glorified librarian..."

I shouted as I pulled out my dive license and slid it on the table."

"That says I might know what the fuck I am talking about. That's why most legit dive companies will not go out into the gulf after December, as the water is fucking pissed off and choppy."

The head of records got up, and lunged at me from across the table. I moved back. Note this happens regularly when someone questions Records anything. Especially If I call her a glorified Librarian.

Not that I was being mean or sexist, but I am an asshole with some pride, and had a dive instructor who showed me why you don't dive in bad water at bad times of the year. Also she started it by saying my feet stunk once.

I suggested we rent out an amusement park for a weekend for the workers and families, instead of shipping out to die. Cause I know for a fact that no one has any kind of maritime experience, except Mr. Joel. Mr. Joel is the fucking man. He was Navy for twenty-five years. I get sparkly eyes of deep respect when he enters the same room as me and speaks.

Mr.Joel agreed with me. Then he grabbed the box of doughnuts that someone brought in, and left on a horse, with fog and mist swirling around him. I wanted to go with him back to Service, where we can sit by a campfire and drink rot gut whiskey and I can listen to all of his stories.

(He did take the doughnuts, and no one cared. There was not a dry crotch in the room after he left. Male or Female. He exudes the right amount of masculinity, and I can safely say if he ordered everyone in that room to his shop on property, naked, no one would refuse.)

So my idea was written up and taken to the upper management for consideration.

BUT.

HR called me and head of records to her meeting room.

"You both take a seat opposite of each other."

I sat, and she sat.

"You both cannot leave this room until all hatchets are buried and you can act civilly around each other.

Said in Morgan Freeman's voice: "It was at that moment he knew he done fucked up."

1 and a half hours of talking and pleading and almost killing each other later....

We both agreed to play nice, since we had too much coffee and the bathroom is a good walk away.

Things I cannot do anymore:

35. The company does not need a dating consultant, app, or hookup room. You are not a love guru. You will stop trying to rent out your private bathroom for "Nooner's."

[Writers Bloque]

Today

is the best day to be a semi fat man.

It is Bake Sale Day.

The company does not care one way or another what we do among ourselves, the commoners.

But the thing that raises their eyebrows up the most is fundraising.

It does not bother them, but it surely disrupts the workflow when one employee uses their break to visit others who are not, to sell stuff for their kids whatevers.

So word from the top of Mount Olympus three years ago was that since the fall seemed to be the fund raising season, that the second Friday of November is the day that all of these begs for monies will take place.

It is no secret that our Fridays are mostly not *too* busy.

So the employee garden (my sweet taters are getting BIG) becomes a little bazaar for fundraising on breaks and lunch.

The rules are that you must be at your table on break. Cover it when not. All sales are final and if you do not deliver on your sales, i.e. those catalogue sales kids do for points, you will refund the cash.

OH BOY.

I set back my weight loss progress a step or two today.

I think today I bought three schools new band uniforms and instruments, sent four cheerleader teams to cheer camp in the summer, and made a dent in Christmas shopping, all in one fell swoop.

Grapico pound cake.

I must have a stalker.

Someone knew my deepest wish and desire.

There exists soda flavored pound cakes, like Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Root beer, etc.

Never a grape soda flavored one.

I think someone is kissing my ass for a favor, as I bought five of the six on the table. The sixth was given to me, left on my desk.

I honestly was happy to be buttered up, when the other shoe dropped.

It was my direct boss hooking me for overtime tonight, as a major order was cancelled due to lack of funds, then altered to fit the budget, and finance fucking off to beyond Narnia, into the depths of Mordor, instead of changing three lines, started a whole new order, a faux pas, because the first order has not finished being closed out. Usually we adjust the order on the fly to keep the process moving forward.

I am a whore.

Easily bought with a grape soda pound cake, and three dozen Mocha chocolate chip cookies.

Just Wow.

[msslave]

Our Writer. I always thought you were easily bought.
 

[Writers Bloque]

Our Writer. I always thought you were easily bought.
 

Lead me not to temptation, I can find it easily on my own.

Like I always say, if someone(s) wanted to abduct me, Food or Liquor. Yup, all I ask is use my drivers license photo for the milk cartons.

[msslave]

 

[Writers Bloque]

Never seen a dumpster fire, so today is shaping up to be a Bonfire day.

First, the weekly meeting turned into an open declaration of war between Sales and Logistics. Higher ups threw the matches on that fire by stating a thirty-five percent increase in Bonuses for the departments who improve between now and Christmas. I sat at the meeting eating my birthday cupcake, wearing the birthday hat watching two departments who were once lovey dovey practically going for each others throats.

Second, Someone ordered me lunch of BBQ and even put a cup of ice and two liter of Grapico on my desk. No one fessed up.

Emo group gave me a gift card to Spencer's and Hot Topics. Nice, but I already have a poster being made of a Frank Frazetta's "Fire and Ice." To let all who enter my office know the mood I am in.

My Idea to the higher ups for the yearly company wide activity was approved. Apparently The Man spoke to them and said that fishing in winter would spike the company insurance higher. So they are going to book a local amusement park for the weekend for us.

I have not had to wait for my outgoing box to be emptied, and Head of HR came by and gave me a fuel pass, to fill my beasts tank full once. I got on my knees and proposed marriage, with the price of fuel growing worse, I told her I would make her a happy woman. She politely reminded me that I was married. I jokingly replied that she is better, as she does not suffer from my mother's and wife's chronic Fuel Gauge Blindness illness. She laughed it off and left.

I mean if a woman offers you eighty in gas, you pretty much have to marry her.

Wife called and asked what did I want for my birthday dinner. Apparently her and two virgin blond Swedish college models was not the right answer. So I said "Po' Folks."

Why not Cracker Barrel? because CB every time I go, sucks ass. Besides, Po folks has all you can eat country fried steak dinners.

I figure 43 isn't a bad run I mean I am not 20 anymore, but then again, I was dumb as shit in my late teens early twenties. Getting old to me reminds me of that old, scarred up lion, that even the young males dare not challenge. I mean youth has its benefits, but age makes you kick ass harder. Goes for women too.

"Men age like milk, but women age like fine wine."

But throw that aging milk in some Rennet and let set, and you got the start to some good cheese.

Rennet is basically vinegar and a catalyst, in the old days it was the maw of a suckling animal, now they synthesize it.

Oh and getting older makes you learn harder too.