I am back. It got busy real with with my daughter and couch crashers graduating next week, we are planning a party for this weekend, since they all are going to a school funded party.
So here is the low down on whats happened so far.
- The boys who are trying to get with my daughter got a really harder dose of reality.
Two Saturdays ago, Daughters friends were relaxing pool side as I was in the driveway with my buddies building this damned kit car. I swear whoever made this either had no clue nor ability to make it work properly. Well I finally had time to put the new engine in, and guess what? The mounts are just millimeters off. FFS. Buddy A said to just bore new ones. Buddy B said to take it back and get another one with MEASUREMENTS this time. Buddy C said scrap it before it kills me, and Dad said to reinforce it, and bore new holes. I don't have a welder anymore since my brother borrowed my little spot mig welder. SO, that means I had toleave my dad and asshole friends to blow a grand on a welder my dad said would work. I stop by a friends welding shop, lay out what I wanted and needed, and he made me some little reinforcing plates, so that the original brackets wont break loose. He also did me a solid and called up the welder supply shop and used his business account to buy it, I paid him back for it, and I went to pick it up, with apron, gloves and helmet.
So when I get back, there are a group of my daughters friends she invited for a pool day, watching my friends and father run three boys in swim trunks ragged in my front yard. One was trying to lift the old engine block, one was doing push ups, and the last was trying to beat my dad in arm wrestling on my little table on the front porch. I of course was feeling like Princess's face spoke. Not amused. I learned that they were trying to smooth talk their way into the Garden of Eden, and got caught by the worst gatekeepers. It would have been more merciful if they were vaporized on the spot. Those men, excluding my father, who is no longer interested in raising kids are the men I would trust if something happened to me and my wife with my kids. I was livid. Not at my beer swilling buddies, but first at the fucking doofus trying to pick up the engine block. It is heavy, but looses value if some dipshit cant figure out he hasnt the strength to lift it. The damned thing weighed a few hundred pounds. Not oppressively heavy, because it was a smaller VW engine, but still not something you want to keep lifting. I pushed his ass over and away. since my friend at the speed shop wanted it, and was going to buy it, remembering the proper Power Lift form from weightlifting and football back in high school, I squated down, as you lift heavy shit with your legs not your back, grabbed both ends, and with a roar of war I lifted the damned thing into the back of my friend's (Buddy B, the owner of the speed shop and buyer of the engine) truck. Oh I was mad. In Pain, and aggravated at the scratches into my nice driveway. I told him to fuck off if he cant even lift, and my wife gave him a pouty look, the one that says shes playing the worlds smallest violin for you.
I pushed push up boy with my foot and he fell over, obvious he does no kind of exercise, as he was locked in the up position. I told him to stop, and leave. And the third boy was showing some promise as he had my dad at a stalemate, but then again, he was faced with the albino shaved gorilla who was no beginner at arm wrestling, so I waited for that moment my dad uses for an absolute, soul crushing victory. It came when my daughter brought me out a cold can of Grapico. That little jiggle of my duaghters swimsuit top, was enough distraction for my dad to almost break the boys arm. I noticed it off the bat when my protective father radar went into overdrive mark 3. I told the group to go home, this is a ladies only party. They of course tried to save face and some of what was left of their obliterated pride but the steel wall of my refusal left no room for discussion. They slinked off, beaten with their tails between their legs back to their car. That must have been the hardest drive home ever.
But after some more work, and setting it up, I finally got the engine mounted. Dad said the engine mount brackets should be fine, as long as she doesnt enter any demo derbies. I shrugged and we started on the wiring as this past weekend the body and seats returned from being reworked. After work I might put the firewall in, as there are things that are mounted to it that needs to be mounted.
-Sons first fight with his wife.
Son went ahead and got married, we already knew, and were cool with it, as all our money is tied up with the upcoming cruise. He called me up last Tuesday, in a fit. I calmly told him "Welcome to married life. Where the fights are many, and mostly over dumb things." The problem is she wants to start the family right off the bat. He said he wants to save up for a bit to buy land for themselves. I had to ask.
"Son, who manages the finances?"
"She does."
Son, who goes out and works?
I do.
Son, do you do the job assigned to someone else at work?
No.
Son, Does anyone do your job for you?
Hell no dad.
So if the manager of your household, which a wife is at times, even though she could choose to do anything else, says she wants something, what do you do?
Well If I can, I get it for her, within reason.
Good, so why not this? Its not hard to do, you just get naked, and move around a bit, and if it takes, you have given her want she wants.
DAD!
Other than your oldest sister, who do you think wanted more of you carpet sharks in our house?
you?
Nope. She did. She plotted and planned and with one miscarriage, we ended up with four beautiful, if not hard headed kids.
Whats your point dad?
My point is that shes already planned months, if not years ahead, and if the person in charge of the money says that your good to go to have kids now, it means you go and make her some babies.
God, dad, why are you like this?
Cause I have a dumb brick of a son who cant just do anything simple. Yeah me and your mother struggled, but look at where it got us. A nice house, kids, good friends and all. My mom, I swear would have flown to you and elbow dropped you for being this dumb.
No, grandma wouldn't.
Uhh, you only known her as a sweet kind cookie grandma, me, she knocked me down and put me in the figure four leg lock when she learned I got your mom pregnant. One time she picked up her old mercury comet and hit me when I was a kid with it, swung it like a baseball bat, I flew over three counties away, before I splashed down in Destin. And that was because I was running away cause I had a bad report card and was afraid of her.
Dad stop it.
Well Son of mine, you have an option, and only one. You go back in there, pick her up, and take her to bed. Also make sure the stove is off. And you do what needs to be done.
Night dad.
So I had to handle that. And when one fire was out..
- The Battle of the Bolt of Velvet.
Scene: a well known arts and crafts/ hobby store. The one that closes on Sunday.
The players: Wife, Daughter, Mimi, and Ashley with Princess and an Omega level Karen.
Helen, if you all remember is a very close and dear family friend. She dropped off some clothes patterns, and Ashley wanted to make a baby dress for princess for her Dedication at the church. Wife suggested a velvet dress, and went rummaging and found out my daughters baby dresses wont fit, without major alteration. Princess is a long tall drink of water. So the ladies who were into that left, and the other permanent house guests found other things to do, like attempt a coup over my hidden oreo stash.
While I was defending my oreo's with my nerf minigun and a blockade to keep them out of my home office. Wife finds A bolt of pretty velvet, marked down, and a lighter fabric to go underneath. After they gather the thread, lace, and other things, they return to the fabric section, as they had a line for fabric cutting, as Wife wasn't going to buy an entire bolt of velvet, despite wanting to make a velvet blanket, she melts for silk and velvet I told her its too damned hot in florida for velvet until the dead of winter. But when they rejoined the line, there was a woman trying to grab the bolt of velvet, and the clerk said it was someone elses. My wife stepped up, and said she was only buying a few yards? (I know its a measurement in fabric, but to me a yard is 3 feet, my mom explained once that its different in sewing, while yes its three feet, you buy more, in case you messed up. but more than three feet of cloth to cover a baby? huh?) Well the woman wanted the whole bolt, since it was untouched. Wife at this point was already tired from walking around and hungry, so she said there are four more over there to get. Karen said for my wife to go get them then, and that she was taking this one. Wife said no, and at this point princess who was so rudely awoken from her pretty princess dreamy nap let her displeasure known. The Karen made the biggest mistake of her life. Mimi was holding Princess for Ashley so she could have a break, and the Karen had the audacity to say the one thing you should never say about anything ever.
She called Mimi a teen whore.
More like "Shut that bastard up, whore!"
Mimi isnt a whore. Mimi was working hard to better herself, and since she was in the top ten of the graduating class, she is doing fine. Second, the baby looks nothing like Mimi, the difference is glaringly obvious, the major one being is that Ashley is 1/4 Native American, from her moms side, so Ashley has some features that came through from that side, like slightly darker skin, and Princess got some too, so when Mimi holds Princess, its obvious it isnt her child.
Ashley told Mimi to watch her daughter, and before unloading on the woman, my Wife and daughter rounded on the woman and Mimi was left standing there, giving the clerk the estimate of how much they needed, while my wife, Ashley, and my Daughter chased the woman right too the exit, before coming to their senses and buying what they came for and leaving. I only know about it because Daughter told me.
-Work.
Work has me doing double time on the production line of paperwork. I clock in, log in and can time it to the second when a metric fuckton of paperwork is coming in to be checked over and corrected. We have a big out of state order coming in near the 11th hour of when this places closes and the new place opens. Have to order not 1 but 2 of those super massive dump trucks, the ones big enough to fit your house in the back of with room for a little yard. Those things are a hard order. We normally defer the customer to another company who specializes in them, but for some reason only god and the devil know, we have three sitting in an off site storage yard in Georgia, that the company has been renting since long before I started there. Now the problem is getting them from there to here, getting them inspected here, and serviced here, and then getting them from here to Washington state, where they will be transported from there to Alaska, via ship. Oh what a joyous amount of paperwork, permit getting and the holy hell shit storm of logistics.
But despite everything going on, I missed you all, and how are you all doing?