What was sex-ed like for you?

[Army of One]

Actually, that was one of my bigger take-aways from the book: Men don't talk about their feelings, and they get annoyed when women try to get them to talk about their feelings.

Admittedly, some of us do struggle with actually talking about our feelings, but I think that comes less with being male (although, yes, society does not like us talking about them outside of the therapist's room), and more to do with unrelated problems(like, in my case, being Aspie), which mean that some women may also struggle, I assume.

On top of that, while women want men to understand how they are feeling, men want to solve women's problems (or what they perceive as problems). We want them to understand, they want to fix. It's almost hopeless!

Okay, yep, old-style societal norms again. I need to get my head away from doing that, because I know that's where my thinking lies, even though I've been on the other end of it myself and wanted to go, "Can you please stop trying to solve everything for me and listen to me for once in your fucking life?" (Although, for me, I've had that happen with both males and females. Maybe that's my Aspie-ness again.)

[purpleshoes]

Are men harder to understand then women? 

I was going to say they are only because you refuse to talk.

What's wrong?

"Nuthin'"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"I'm not a woman I don't need to talk about my feelings."

MissB has a far bett post though, but I will say that if thought men were simple and easy to understand, I surely wouldn't be giving myself such a headache over BIG Ben.

One thing I've never heard a man say is, "If you don't know what's wrong, then I'm not going to tell you." Some women expect men to be mind readers. Men are not mind readers.

[MissBarbara]

Are men harder to understand then women? 

I was going to say they are only because you refuse to talk.

What's wrong?

"Nuthin'"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"I'm not a woman I don't need to talk about my feelings."

MissB has a far bett post though, but I will say that if thought men were simple and easy to understand, I surely wouldn't be giving myself such a headache over BIG Ben.

One thing I've never heard a man say is, "If you don't know what's wrong, then I'm not going to tell you." Some women expect men to be mind readers. Men are not mind readers.

Women do not expect men to be mind-readers. But women do expect men do pay attention enough, be attuned enough, and listen enough to be able to grasp the situation without it having to be explained in detail.

At the same time -- and here's the most basic point of that book -- women need to better understand how men receive and understand what they are saying or explaining or simply relating to them.

That's the whole point -- understanding. And understanding, by both men and women, in the light of the fact that men and women are very different. Thus, the book's title.

It's neither "right" nor "wrong," it's only different.

[Shiela_M]

Are men harder to understand then women? 

I was going to say they are only because you refuse to talk.

What's wrong?

"Nuthin'"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"I'm not a woman I don't need to talk about my feelings."

MissB has a far bett post though, but I will say that if thought men were simple and easy to understand, I surely wouldn't be giving myself such a headache over BIG Ben.

One thing I've never heard a man say is, "If you don't know what's wrong, then I'm not going to tell you." Some women expect men to be mind readers. Men are not mind readers.

Definitely not expecting you to be a mind reader, but I say that if I'm upset and say that to you, you are very much the reason I'm upset.

You either did/didn't do something, or said/didn't say something.  If it isnt "your fault" that I'm upset, I will very much tell you what is wrong, and a lot if the time I'll do it without you having to ask.  Unless it is something embarrassing.

You noticed something is bothering us, so I feel as if you should have noticed when we started being upset.  However as MissB pointed out, I have to understand that you're not going to pick up on my subtle cues all the time.

[purpleshoes]

I will admit that there are two type of people: those who put dirty clothes in a hamper... and husbands. 

[KinkyKacey]

Wow. I barely remember anything of it myself. I think it was 1 or 2 days at school and split male/fem. But I just don't have any recall of what the class was like.
But I was odd. Never knew about sex much.. mom gave "the talk" by handing me a retyped up article from one of the good housekeeping magazines or somesuch and just said to ask if any questions. Really don't remember much on that..it was a solid wall of retyped stuff filling the entire page. Maybe i didnt read it fully because I really didn't know about sex until 20s.

Really set the stage for me not dating, being embarrassed the one relationship I tried to do.. and pretty much staying alone the rest of my life :/

[FaceInTheFrost]

As I recall it wasn't too bad but looking back I'm pretty sure it missed a lot -- notably about birth control. In high school, it tapered off to nothing. A single week handled by the Religion department (this was a Catholic school but seriously!?).

One memory that does stick in my mind from maybe 3rd or 4th grade is one girl noting the obvious gap in the information from the video we watched: how does the sperm get to the egg? I already knew this but good for her for asking. I don't envy the teacher's job that day, let em tell you.

[shaver]

In my case there wasn't any

[MintJulie]

In my case there wasn't any

No education needed, huh?   

You just dove right in head first, I bet.

[SmuDoodel]

Like having to solve a Rubik's Cube after my fingers had been surgically removed by societal norms

[strangerknocking]

Content about incest removed.  Forum Rules

[strangerknocking]

Content about incest removed.  Forum Rules