An Exceprt from a Longer Work in Progress

[MissBarbara]

This is a brief excerpt from a longer story, currently in progress.

Any and all constructive feedback is welcome!



-----------------------------------




Velma slid onto the far bed, lay on her back, and asked the group, “I need to get these clothes off. Who wants to help?”

Robert and Anton took that as a cue, and approached her on the bed. Their ritual was both loving and highly erotically charged, as they slowly, piece by piece, starting with Velma’s tie, began to remove her clothing, kissing, touching, and caressing her as they went. As Robert unbuttoned her shirt, slid it off, and then began to unhook her bra, Anton slid Velma’s skirt down, revealing her baldness. He slid the skirt fully off, removed Velma’s shoes, and lifted first one foot and then the other, kissing and sucking her feet and her toes. Robert leaned over on the bed, and began to suck and lick her nipples, giving each the attention it deserved, until Velma’s body again began to writhe.

Velma, Robert, and Anton began what was clearly an accustomed ritual. Robert opened the doors to the armoire against the wall, removed a large bottle of lube, closed the doors, squirted some into his hand, and then began stroking his growing shaft. He handed to bottle to Anton, who began to do with same. Robert then squirted a generous dollop onto his hand, and began to spread it over Velma’s womanhood. Anton, following suit, begin rubbing lube farther down below, slowly rubbing Velma’s anal opening until her body automatically let him in. He slid a finger deep inside her ass and Robert slid a finger into her pussy. Velma removed her glasses, tossed them into the nightstand, and cheekily told them, “I’m ready when you are!”

Robert laid down on the bed next to Velma, and Velma slid over, crouched over Robert, and grasped his engorged cock, and slid down on it, slowly guiding it deep inside ass. Anton then crouched in front of Velma, and slowly guided himself into her pussy. The trio formed one body, and began their dance. The smile on Velma’s face was almost beatific as the two men took her in either opening. Anton leaned down from time to time to kiss Velma, lick her neck as he knew she loved, and work his tongue over her engorged nipples. “Deeper!” Velma ordered, and the two men re-doubled their efforts.

Kaitlyn, lying contentedly on the other bed in a post-orgasmic stupor, glanced up to see Jen watching her with a smile on her face. “You look so beautiful right now,” Jen told Kaitlyn with a smile, “and I’m happy to see Thomas have given you the pleasure you deserve.”

Kaitlyn scooched her body up to lean back against the headboard and watching the goings-on on the bed across the room.

She watched as Jen walked over and approached the writing mass. Robert continued to pump into Velma from below and Anton continued to fill her from the front. Jen crawled onto the bed, maneuvered her body so her back faced Velma’s back, and lowered herself onto Robert’s waiting mouth. She ground onto his face, her hips slowly moving back and forth and front and back. Her back against Velma’s back allowed Velma to push off Jen and receive Robert and Anton more deeply. Robert’s tongue worked its magic on Jen, and she continued to grind upon him, the four bodies working together to achieve maximum and mutual erotic pleasures for the foursome.
   
Kaitlyn, despite her recent orgasm, felt herself being turned on again. She was thrilled watching the almost impossible mixture of writing bodies. Velma emitted a continuing series of low grunts, Robert and Anton continued their parallel thrusting, and Jen writhed and wiggled, pushed, and ground, drawing Robert’s tongue deep inside her.

Watching the amazing scene, Kaitlyn began to slowly touch herself, running her hands down her arms and legs, over her breasts, and grazing her re-glistening pussy. Thomas, leaned over and offered to help, but Kaitlyn politely pushed his hand aside. She wasn’t ready to go again, but she wanted to be ready when the time came.

Kaitlyn giggled to herself as she looked at the mass of bodies on the other bed and wondered to herself, “Who will come first?” Her question was answered a few moments later when Velma uttered a guttural cry, raised her hands into the air, and shook from head to toe in a series of spasms. Robert and Anton slowed their movements to allow Velma’s orgasm to run its course, while Jen continued to writhe over Robert’s greedy mouth.

As she had twice already that evening, Velma – who was proving herself to be an insatiable orgasm-seeker – quickly recovered, and the trio rearranged themselves, as if performing ritual movements. Anton and Robert lay side by side on their backs on the bed, and Velma squeezed her bulk between them, facing them. She reached an arm over to each of her partners, grasped a long, firm cock in either hand, and slowly began stroking them, building a simultaneous rhythm. Her fleshy breasts swayed with her rhythms, and she murmured soft and encouraging phrases to them as she stroked their hardness. Jen, craving her still unfulfilled satisfaction, maneuvered herself again over Robert’s mouth, lowered herself, and continued her rhythmic grinding.

Kaitlyn, watching intently from the other bed, was amazed by the sight. Velma was fully engaged with each of her three partners, and the sight of Jen’s muscled back and butt as she writhed over Robert turned Kaitlyn on in completely unexpected ways. Finally, once again, Anton and Robert came almost simultaneously. Velma continued to stroke as their hot cum, from either side, splashed onto her face, her heavy breasts, and her body. Jen continued her grinding, and Velma, releasing the softening cocks, reached up, firmly grasped Jen around the waist, and pulled her even more deeply into Robert’s mouth. She reached around an took one of Jen’s nipples in their hand, slowly caressing and tweaking them. The writhing continued for more several minutes, Jen insisting on her pleasure, and Robert insistent on giving her pleasure. Jen suddenly leaned forward and came explosively, her juices soaking Robert’s face. He drank greedily as Jen’s orgasm seemed endless. Finally, Jen, tried to roll off Robert, missed her mark, and tumbled onto the carpeted floor. She erupted in laughter so joyous that soon everyone in the room was laughing with her.

Velma then slid off the bed, her body splattered with the effusions of all three of her partners, and stood up. “I need a shower,” she announced to the room, and Jen and Thomas stood up to join her.

[Asmodel]

This is a brief excerpt from a longer story, currently in progress.

Any and all constructive feedback is welcome!



-----------------------------------




Velma slid onto the far bed, lay on her back, and asked the group, “I need to get these clothes off. Who wants to help?”

Robert and Anton took that as a cue, and approached her on the bed. Their ritual was both loving and highly erotically charged, as they slowly, piece by piece, starting with Velma’s tie, began to remove her clothing, kissing, touching, and caressing her as they went. As Robert unbuttoned her shirt, slid it off, and then began to unhook her bra, Anton slid Velma’s skirt down, revealing her baldness. He slid the skirt fully off, removed Velma’s shoes, and lifted first one foot and then the other, kissing and sucking her feet and her toes. Robert leaned over on the bed, and began to suck and lick her nipples, giving each the attention it deserved, until Velma’s body again began to writhe.

Velma, Robert, and Anton began what was clearly an accustomed ritual. Robert opened the doors to the armoire against the wall, removed a large bottle of lube, closed the doors, squirted some into his hand, and then began stroking his growing shaft. He handed to bottle to Anton, who began to do with same. Robert then squirted a generous dollop onto his hand, and began to spread it over Velma’s womanhood. Anton, following suit, begin rubbing lube farther down below, slowly rubbing Velma’s anal opening until her body automatically let him in. He slid a finger deep inside her ass and Robert slid a finger into her pussy. Velma removed her glasses, tossed them into the nightstand, and cheekily told them, “I’m ready when you are!”

Robert laid down on the bed next to Velma, and Velma slid over, crouched over Robert, and grasped his engorged cock, and slid down on it, slowly guiding it deep inside ass. Anton then crouched in front of Velma, and slowly guided himself into her pussy. The trio formed one body, and began their dance. The smile on Velma’s face was almost beatific as the two men took her in either opening. Anton leaned down from time to time to kiss Velma, lick her neck as he knew she loved, and work his tongue over her engorged nipples. “Deeper!” Velma ordered, and the two men re-doubled their efforts.

Kaitlyn, lying contentedly on the other bed in a post-orgasmic stupor, glanced up to see Jen watching her with a smile on her face. “You look so beautiful right now,” Jen told Kaitlyn with a smile, “and I’m happy to see Thomas have given you the pleasure you deserve.”

Kaitlyn scooched her body up to lean back against the headboard and watching the goings-on on the bed across the room.

She watched as Jen walked over and approached the writing mass. Robert continued to pump into Velma from below and Anton continued to fill her from the front. Jen crawled onto the bed, maneuvered her body so her back faced Velma’s back, and lowered herself onto Robert’s waiting mouth. She ground onto his face, her hips slowly moving back and forth and front and back. Her back against Velma’s back allowed Velma to push off Jen and receive Robert and Anton more deeply. Robert’s tongue worked its magic on Jen, and she continued to grind upon him, the four bodies working together to achieve maximum and mutual erotic pleasures for the foursome.
   
Kaitlyn, despite her recent orgasm, felt herself being turned on again. She was thrilled watching the almost impossible mixture of writing bodies. Velma emitted a continuing series of low grunts, Robert and Anton continued their parallel thrusting, and Jen writhed and wiggled, pushed, and ground, drawing Robert’s tongue deep inside her.

Watching the amazing scene, Kaitlyn began to slowly touch herself, running her hands down her arms and legs, over her breasts, and grazing her re-glistening pussy. Thomas, leaned over and offered to help, but Kaitlyn politely pushed his hand aside. She wasn’t ready to go again, but she wanted to be ready when the time came.

Kaitlyn giggled to herself as she looked at the mass of bodies on the other bed and wondered to herself, “Who will come first?” Her question was answered a few moments later when Velma uttered a guttural cry, raised her hands into the air, and shook from head to toe in a series of spasms. Robert and Anton slowed their movements to allow Velma’s orgasm to run its course, while Jen continued to writhe over Robert’s greedy mouth.

As she had twice already that evening, Velma – who was proving herself to be an insatiable orgasm-seeker – quickly recovered, and the trio rearranged themselves, as if performing ritual movements. Anton and Robert lay side by side on their backs on the bed, and Velma squeezed her bulk between them, facing them. She reached an arm over to each of her partners, grasped a long, firm cock in either hand, and slowly began stroking them, building a simultaneous rhythm. Her fleshy breasts swayed with her rhythms, and she murmured soft and encouraging phrases to them as she stroked their hardness. Jen, craving her still unfulfilled satisfaction, maneuvered herself again over Robert’s mouth, lowered herself, and continued her rhythmic grinding.

Kaitlyn, watching intently from the other bed, was amazed by the sight. Velma was fully engaged with each of her three partners, and the sight of Jen’s muscled back and butt as she writhed over Robert turned Kaitlyn on in completely unexpected ways. Finally, once again, Anton and Robert came almost simultaneously. Velma continued to stroke as their hot cum, from either side, splashed onto her face, her heavy breasts, and her body. Jen continued her grinding, and Velma, releasing the softening cocks, reached up, firmly grasped Jen around the waist, and pulled her even more deeply into Robert’s mouth. She reached around an took one of Jen’s nipples in their hand, slowly caressing and tweaking them. The writhing continued for more several minutes, Jen insisting on her pleasure, and Robert insistent on giving her pleasure. Jen suddenly leaned forward and came explosively, her juices soaking Robert’s face. He drank greedily as Jen’s orgasm seemed endless. Finally, Jen, tried to roll off Robert, missed her mark, and tumbled onto the carpeted floor. She erupted in laughter so joyous that soon everyone in the room was laughing with her.

Velma then slid off the bed, her body splattered with the effusions of all three of her partners, and stood up. “I need a shower,” she announced to the room, and Jen and Thomas stood up to join her.

1. lying
2. they slowly began to remove her clothing, (one piece at a time/piece by piece)[unable to decide], (beginning/starting) with Velma’s tie
3. Sliding it off and beginning to
4. Started to writhe again
5. Began
6. Further
7. (On/onto)
8. Crouching
9. grasping his engorged cock, slid
10. (slowly guiding it/ guiding it slowly) deep inside her ass.
11. Velma and
12. body and
13. her either
14. (re-doubled their efforts./ doubled their previous efforts.)

What I thought, apologies if not the kind of reply you were looking for; a very awesome read, truly. Have a great day Miss B.

[msslave]

Could be a new chapter to the Kama Sutra.

I'd watch the movie!

[purpleshoes]

My only concern is that it jumps right into the action without the reader having any knowledge of the backstory of these six characters and how they came to be in an orgy.

Wait, are these characters from Scooby-Doo?  I've never seen the show, and the only name I know from the show is Velma (aside from Scooby, of course). If that's the case, then most readers would recognize the characters by name, and that would make my first paragraph less relevant. 

Bottom line: This is a very promising start. I'm looking forward to more of the story.

[Asmodel]

My only concern is that it jumps right into the action without the reader having any knowledge of the backstory of these six characters and how they came to be in an orgy.

Well, this being an excerpt, I presume that it’s from the middle of the story, so I think we will see the backstory in the full version.

Wait, are these characters from Scooby-Doo?  I've never seen the show, and the only name I know from the show is Velma (aside from Scooby, of course).

My first thought exactly, though only Velma is mentioned, and the others have different names, so I don’t think it’s a ero-parody of the show, plus there’s a wide berth between and personalities of the Velma in the show and this one.

[Shiela_M]

I found myself wanting to be velma lol.

I enjoyed this quite a bit. I'm not worried about bsckstiy and stuff, it is after all An Exceprt from a Longer Work in Progress I am really looking forward to the whole story.

Only criticism is the same stuff I do in my stories, just needs a little proofreading for minor errors.

god I would really enjoy being Velma 

[MissBarbara]

My only concern is that it jumps right into the action without the reader having any knowledge of the backstory of these six characters and how they came to be in an orgy.

Well, this being an excerpt, I presume that it’s from the middle of the story, so I think we will see the backstory in the full version.

Wait, are these characters from Scooby-Doo?  I've never seen the show, and the only name I know from the show is Velma (aside from Scooby, of course).

My first thought exactly, though only Velma is mentioned, and the others have different names, so I don’t think it’s a ero-parody of the show, plus there’s a wide berth between and personalities of the Velma in the show and this one.

This is one scene from a longer story. I have finished the entire story yet, but this scene appears on page 9 or 10 of the draft. By the time this scene occurs, you will have been introduced to all six characters and you will know a lot about them. You'll also know how and why they happen to be there together. I simply copied and pasted this scene from the longer story.

The protagonist of the story (Kaitlyn) barely appears in this scene, but she's the main focus of the story.

I began writing this story as a personal challenge. I'm gay, and my sexual experiences with men -- well, one man -- were very limited and more than 20 years in the past. I posted this scene here chiefly to get a gauge on whether, or not, I can write an effective straight(ish) sex scene. I can't put myself in the position of the men or describe their feelings, emotions, and urges. And I had a hard time picturing the geometry of the scene, so I searched around until I found a picture showing roughly what I wanted to depict, and I positioned the characters based on that picture.

And while I've long had a thing for Velma from Scooby Doo, that's not what's going on here.

Thanks to everyone who provided input!

[Shiela_M]

And I had a hard time picturing the geometry of the scene, so I searched around until I found a picture showing roughly what I wanted to depict, and I positioned the characters based on that picture.

I did the exact same thing when I wrote my Kate Beckinsale fantasy. I watched a short lesbian scene and checked out a few photos.

[MintJulie]

Critique?

How about - you are freekin awesome!!!

That's my critique.

[Asmodel]

And I had a hard time picturing the geometry of the scene, so I searched around until I found a picture showing roughly what I wanted to depict, and I positioned the characters based on that picture.

I did the exact same thing when I wrote my Kate Beckinsale fantasy. I watched a short lesbian scene and checked out a few photos.

Some work research is great, I’ve done so for writing in the past too, though not for writing erotica,
It gives us the feeling that we’re on the correct path, and thus motivates us a bit as well.