When did "look" become a bad word?

[seveninchblues]

I have been thinking about this for some time, given the way the word "look" and the action it seems to represent around here vs. the action it represents in my mind, basically
to look at someone or something, observe visually, and if it is a beautiful girl or a beautiful
scene in nature or a skyline or a garbage can, what is the difference?

I don't make it a habit of staring at any person the way I might stare at an object, but at the same time to be hypersensitive about being looked at is about the same thing as being afraid of being seen at all.  If you are afraid of being looked at, stay home and hide in your room.

I've gone out to bars and seen fights start between drunken idiots who happened to look at each other wrong for two seconds. "I saw you looking at me!" and they're at it.

On the other hand, I've been in public situations, sitting in the park or even on vacation with my family when I've noticed a woman or a girl trying to attract my attention/enter my field of vision and do physical things to impress me, and if I looked it seemed to please them.  I never act like a filthy-minded pervert, licking my lips with my eyes all ga-ga.  I just smile and nod, which I like to think is enough for them to fulfill their wishes and/or fantasies.  

To think that the simple act of looking at someone is automatically predatory is, it seems to me, beyond the scope of reality.  

[psiberzerker]

It's not a bad word.  You've never heard about getting dirty looks when you're a kid, huh?

Well, news flash:  Kids know what a dirty look looks like.  This isn't news.

Pedos,    Amirite?  

I've been in public situations, sitting in the park or even on vacation with my family when I've noticed a woman or a girl even as young as 12 or 13 trying to attract my attention/enter my field of vision and do physical things to impress me, and if I looked it seemed to please them.

This is the sort of thing, you don't want to talk about doing, (Or imagining) IRL.  It's fucking creepy.  Of course, we all believe you, she was coming onto you, look what she was wearing!

   No, fuckhead, they're not asking for it.  You're looking too hard, seeing what you want in innocent behavior, to blame them for encouraging you, and playing the victim, because of your absolutely, and clearly not innocent behavior.

It's obvious, you're not fooling us, you're not fooling them, and if you're even fooliong yourself with these transparent excuses, you're self deluded.

[seveninchblues]

Asking for what?  Did I say that? Coming on to me? No.  Good fucking god, you have got this victim-blaming shit on the brain.  This board is a victim waiting to be blamed. 

Since no one has done anything wrong, who is to blame?  I am certainly not blaming a girl for doing what comes naturally and, keeping her distance, attempting to see if some reasonably attractive older man might give her a look (find her cute).  And if he does, so what? 

I recall a trip to a state park I once took with my family.  This was about fifteen years ago.  My wife cooked burgers on a disposable grill and I played with my sons.  We had a great time on the swings and wrestled a little on the ground.

After we left the park and we were driving down the road, my wife asked me if I had noticed the girl.  "What girl?" I asked her.  "Really," my wife said, knowing me as she does, "you didn't notice the girl staring at you for at least an hour?"

"No, I didn't," I said. "When was this?"

"When you were playing with the boys.  God, she was taking off her sweater and putting it back on, standing up and sitting down and moving this way and that."

I asked how old the girl was and my wife rolled her eyes.

"I don't know.  Thirteen maybe... she was really trying to get you to look..."

Wow, you know, there's that word.  And it's a true story. You can choose to believe it or not.  Being who you are, of course you will not.

Perhaps you can tell me why when I am sitting on a bench talking on my cell phone
a girl of about twelve decides to choose the area of the jogging track right in front of me to bend over and change from her roller blades into her tennis shoes.  In this particular situation, I would've had to look away in order to avoid seeing.  It was not as though she used the bench in any way.  The jogging track is at least three hundred feet long, encircling a pond.  She could have changed anywhere, but she chose to change there, right in front of me.  Whether it was intentional or it was by chance, I saw what I saw.
And no one got hurt and no one was to blame.

 

 

[psiberzerker]

Asking for what?

Dirty looks.  It's not looks, it's dirty looks.

[seveninchblues]

Asking for what?

Dirty looks.  It's not looks, it's dirty looks.

Please describe a dirty look to me.  Can you read a person's thoughts by what is written
on his/her face?  Wow.  Amazing.  You must be among the most perceptive of all people around.  Because all but a relatively few clumsy assholes are quite able to contain whatever they might feel inside and not let it show on their face. 

A dirty look to me is something that shows.  It's not a smile or a few brief glances.

[psiberzerker]

Can you read a person's thoughts by what is written on his/her face?

Not thoughts, lust.  It's called Empathy.  Look it up, if you have to.

Because all but a relatively few clumsy assholes are quite able to contain whatever they might feel inside and not let it show on their face.

So this is the "It's okay if she doesn't notice" defense.  No, it's not okay if she doesn't notice.  If she bends over in front of you, you look at her ass, and she doesn't see you, it's not okay, it's sick.  If her mother doesn't see you looking at her daughter's ass, it's still not okay.  If she's an adult, married, and her husband doesn't see you looking it's still not okay.

If you look at her picture, and she doesn't know you're looking at her picture, right now, it's still not okay.  If you look through her window while she's sleeping, and she doesn't know, because she's asleep, it's still not okay. 

"It doesn't hurt to look" it doesn't have to HURT.  It's still not okay.  If a dog lifts it's leg, it's not an invitation for sex, and if a little girl stands in front of you, it's not an invitation to look.

A dirty look to me is something that shows.  It's not a smile or a few brief glances.

If you feel the need to hide it (Yeah, like you're an example of self control) then it's not okay.

[psiberzerker]

If you had any self control, and respect for her, you would look away, like any decent person.

[Lois]

Since when is look a dirty word? 

Non-verbal language that go along with "a look" may be interpreted in a non-flattering way, but "look" itself is just a word.

[Jed_]

The bad word isn’t look, it’s leer.

And no ‘tweens’ are coming on to you, so stop leering at them.

[seveninchblues]

Paranoia is another word that comes to mind.  It describes a condition in which people have an unrealistic distrust of others and tainted perception of reality.  There is tons of that going on around here.

[psiberzerker]

Paranoia is another word that comes to mind.  It describes a condition in which people have an unrealistic distrust of others and tainted perception of reality.  There is tons of that going on around here.

You're the one sharing multiple fantasies about little girls bending over in front of you, enticing you to look.  Getting your attention, you even made up an entire dialog with your wife about a girl doing this to you, and you didn't notice.  You also said this:

This board is a victim waiting to be blamed.  

"An unrealistic distrust of people, and a tainted perception of reality."  You're playing the victim, and you're not very good at it.

[RopeFiend]

*We* weren't the ones that started a thread titled "I'm a pedophile". 

We're taking you at your word and (re)acting accordingly.  When you find it needful to complain that people react to a self-professed pedo "looking" at little girls, there's a darned good reason for our distrust of your motives for "looking".

I have a young single mom with two young daughters living next door.  I don't have a clue what the girls' names are, nor do I care.

[seveninchblues]

I have a young single mom with two young daughters living next door.  I don't have a clue what the girls' names are, nor do I care.

I can't for the life of me understand what this means.  I suppose if you haven't been neighbors for long or you have no reason to interact with your neighbors at all, this makes total sense.  Avoiding the neighbors, whomever they are, would seem unfriendly.  In my forty years of adult life (58 - 18 = 40) I have never gone out of my way to avoid the neighbors or to not know their names at all, nor do I go all out to me Mr Friendly.

If our paths cross and it is a pleasant experience, that's fine.  

I've lived for fifty-eight years without any problems, so I must be doing OK.  You know, many people like me, even love me, enjoy my company.  Of course, they don't know, right?  But most don't know my secret.  Only a few people know and they still love me.  But they don't have to live with it inside of them, wondering why it's there, where it came from, when will it leave me alone?  Because I didn't ask for it.

Maybe you'll tell me I don't deserve these people's love.  I don't deserve to be liked or respected.  Maybe you'll tell me I deserve to be completely alone.  Without a family.  Without anyone.  

I believe there is no better alternative for a sexual deviant than to lead a healthy life with his wife and kids.  Unfortunately, this did not happen for me.  It has taken me every bit of strength to shoulder the weight of my family's burden, to keep my everything going through my wife's bipolar and alcoholism and suicide attempts, and now that things have settled down, the smoke has cleared, and I can finally focus on me...  because you see my life has not been about me until now...  that one hour a week when I can talk to someone who doesn't judge me for who I am.

Because I'm so much more

 

[psiberzerker]

I can't for the life of me understand what this means.  I suppose if you haven't been neighbors for long or you have no reason to interact with your neighbors at all, this makes total sense.  Avoiding the neighbors, whomever they are, would seem unfriendly.  In my forty years of adult life (58 - 18 = 40) I have never gone out of my way to avoid the neighbors or to not know their names at all, nor do I go all out to me Mr Friendly.

He said he didn't know the Children's names.  I assume because he's not obsessed with little girls.

I've lived for fifty-eight years without any problems, so I must be doing OK.  You know, many people like me, even love me, enjoy my company.  Of course, they don't know, right?  But most don't know my secret.  Only a few people know and they still love me.  But they don't have to live with it inside of them, wondering why it's there, where it came from, when will it leave me alone?  Because I didn't ask for it.

Have you talked to a professional therapist about it?  There's no cure for paedophilia, but one thing we can do is help you reconcile the feelings Associated with it.  Which really depends on the patient, and can vary wildly.

...that one hour a week when I can talk to someone who doesn't judge me for who I am.

Because I'm so much more.

Maybe if you didn't start a thread, on a forum that's made it very clear, that true experiences (Yes, even looking sexually at) with little girls is not allowed, we might get to know something else about you, other than you like the blues. 

As it stands, we're judging the thin, and cliche excuses.  Not the person making them.  Change the record, and we'll talk about something else, but you started this discussion.  You picked the topic.  If you don't want to talk about it, then don't.

[RopeFiend]

I've talked several times with Single Mom and her boyfriend (at different times), and gave Single Mom my number in case she had problems and didn't know who to turn to.  I also told her I could do a lot of home repairs if she needed something and her landlord wasn't available, or couldn't get to it in time.  They're OK, just trying to get by.  At Psi noted, I'm utterly uninterested in her kids.