A question to our members about visual lifestyle choices

[TinyDancer]

My father never said he loved me.  My mother did whenever she came to visit and they were leaving. 

MissB and some of the members, you just don't know how fortunate you are to come from a normal family.  Some of the things you post, to me, sound like one of those sit-com perfect families. 

[DanteDC]

I never Knew my dad. Ive seen one picture of him in my whole life and it looks like just regular 80's guy in sunglasses too me. I look nothing like him in anyway. i look exactly like my mom. I love my mom. even thou we do fight sometimes. I still love her. My dad. well i never really thought of him or asked. I had my papaw and my uncle around as role models. I think my mom might know how too find him but i dont. I think at one point she even said he had two kids before me. So i got a half brother and sister out there i think.

[Janus]

No matter how well or how poorly folks have had it growing up, there are still others that have had it better or worse.

It's what we do with ourselves that is the difference. We can know all day long how terrible or wonderful our upbringings were. It's how we chose to go on about our daily lives as adults that shows what kind of person we are.

If you like what you see in the mirror then good deal. If you don't like what you see and are making a conscious effort to better yourself then be proud of where you came from and look forward to better things. But if you leave stagnant the things you abhor and are unwilling to make attempts at betterment, than you are just as much a part of your problem than that terrible upbringing you had.  

I look forward in my life to bigger and better things. I look forward to having behind me the past sins of my conscious transgressions. I will be more successful at being a better human being.

 

[MissBarbara]

MissB and some of the members, you just don't know how fortunate you are to come from a normal family.  Some of the things you post, to me, sound like one of those sit-com perfect families.  

No, not perfect. Very, very far from perfect.

And I DO know how fortunate I am. I had tears in my eyes as I wrote that post. It's one of my life's greatest blessings. And I am grateful for it every single day.

[Bexy]

My father never said he loved me.  My mother did whenever she came to visit and they were leaving. 

MissB and some of the members, you just don't know how fortunate you are to come from a normal family.  Some of the things you post, to me, sound like one of those sit-com perfect families. 

Ditto. In my family there was virtually no talk about emotions. Technically I've never even had a conversation with my father in the 18 years we lived under the same roof, because conversation involves two people talking back and forward to one another constructively. The only words I got hurled my way, were insults, pestering and threats. My mother only said 'I love you' in those very bad moments when I was sad and crying and because of that it actually sounded more like an awkward "Man up now" than a sign of affection.

My husband was the one that taught me how to give a decent hug and say I love you. We hug and kiss our kids daily and tell them at least once a day we love them. I have made and still make a lot of mistakes. There are still a lot of things for which I observe other people/parents, for the very simple reason I had no decent role models and I have no clue what to do in certain situations. Those are the moments that I fully realize how very dysfunctional my parents were and that I hope I'm doing better for my kids' sake.

[Gina Marie]

I think this is a perfect question, and you should be applauded -- and not bashed -- for asking it.

It's a common assumption these days that gender roles forced upon children in their youth and early adolescence determine -- positively or negatively -- their self image and, correspondingly, their perception of their sexual orientation. I've long believed that this is not as true as popularly perceived, certainly not as a universal.

Of course, it's wonderful that these parents let this young woman be herself. In that way, she can be herself, learn about herself, determine who she really is, and live her life accordingly. But I also believe the fact that "she appears to be a young boy more than a girl. Short hair, Mohawks, heavy into sports, never any makeup or girlie type clothing" may have absolutely no bearing on her sexual orientation, neither as it actually is, nor as she perceives it.

Her tomboyishness might mean nothing other than she's a tomboy. It might be who she is -- irrespective of sexual orientation -- and it might be a pose she's affecting, e.g. a reaction to her older sister, or her mother, or society in general.

Or it might mean she's a butch lesbian coming into herself.

It's very complicated...

A WOO to Barb for an excellent answer (I could not have said this better, and thought the exact same thing as I read the OP) and a WOO to my Eric for asking!

In fact, Toe and Bex deserve