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Fun & Games / Re: The Funny Pics thread
« Last post by Pornhubby on November 29, 2024, 03:03:10 AM »My last office.
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My last office.
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Writers Bloque’s Blog / Re: Thanksgiving War Stories (Not as cool as Dudesters, but still....)
« Last post by Writers Bloque on November 29, 2024, 03:03:08 AM »Nobody can do a holiday like Writer's family.
WOO
you can have them all. They are heathens. you can have all 400 people in my family. Everyone is coming down to grandma's for the holidays, and I politely uninvited myself. I am not putting up with their shit this year. My mom and dad were the wall protecting us from the storm of the family, and with them gone, I damned sure not risking ulcers this year in dealing with any of them talking shit about my parents.
I might pop by for a plate, but I have no intention of mingling with them, not after the wedding bullshit. If any of them want to see me, they have my address.
Well that bit me hard on the ass.
Today.
"Mad Dash to Hell, or Can I Legally Divorce My Family."
Everything was fucking groovy this morning. The girls were lightly working in the kitchen, as it turned out Grandma capped the number of people at her house to 30. So now it was going to be 3 houses we were going to have to grace with our presence.
Fine. A quick in and out and I will be home snuggled in my comfy chair to watch the Giants vs Cowboys game with my grapico, and ouzo, along with my take home plate of food.
The girls were all ready to chill, even going as far as to setting up their netflix account for good movies to enjoy in the living room. A peaceful time, right?
Fuck no. Not my family, not ever.
First house was my dad's family, because they do the holiday in style. Turducken. Homemade smoked sausage. Oyster Stuffin. The works.
But was it worth the first of the four major hits to my sanity and patience of the day?
No.
I really liked how they in a completely roundabout way accused me of letting my dad die. As if I was standing at this bedside in the rehab center and smothered him with a pillow. I was so enraged after having to explain to the relatives that did get the call to rush to the facility to say goodbye to dad not knowing how he died, then looking at me and the siblings who showed up as if we intentionally killed him. His liver failed. He had a UTI and Pneumonia. And a severely broken heart.
We made our plates, and left before I really did murder some people. Wife had to pull me into the car when my shit dick cousin on that side called me a "Lowlife F----t" for the way I let my dad die, in the driveway. It took all of the universe to stop me from ramming the beast through the house.
We went to meet up with my daughter and the housemates who went with her at the in-laws.
Not really a bad time. Grabbed food, as I told my mother and father in law that we were not staying, because we wanted to be cozy at home, and her dad actually was happy, because certain people in their family had already eaten their idea of a thanksgiving dinner--A bottle of vodka and a pack of smokes. We made our plates to go, when a drunk old lady I never met before, and wife barely remembers, a living example of why Dementia and Liquor should never mix, walks right up to my wife, and loudly apologizes for my wife's miscarriage. (A very painful memory for my wife. It happened between 3rd and 4th kid.) My wife started shaking angrily, and my wife had to be escorted to the car, leaving me to carry everything, not that I minded.
We leave.
Last stop would be grandmother's house.
Walking up, it was all lively and fun sounding inside. Someone notices us, and then it gets quiet as we enter. Grandmother tried in vain to hide her displeasure.
"Writer, I thought only you were coming to get some food to bring home?"
"Yeah, plans changed."
"And I thought you were going to wait until the dinner was over."
"Your plan, not mine. I wanted to get it out of the way, as the game is about to start."
"Well, we haven't started serving yet. How about you don't miss your game and I will send you some food later?"
"Oh? Am I intruding on a family only moment?"
"Writer, please don't, not now."
"Well excuse me for thinking that I was family just because I share DNA with everyone here. Pardon me, for having such delusions."
Someone coughs. Angry whispers and murmurs rise in volume.
"Writer, why are you like this? Can't we have a nice and normal holiday?"
"Oh what do you mean, Aunt Beatrice? Do you perhaps mean a holiday without me, and my family, me thinks?"
"Come off it you pompous little prick. You know, you were always a little shit. Why do you think you do only get together with us once or twice a year?"
"Because we can't stand you. Not now, and not even when your broke and crazy ass parents were alive. Why can't we have a meal without you and your ilk shitting up the place."
"I see. I am quite sorry that the fact that we had a familial bond brought such disdain from you, Uncle Herman."
"Stop it Writer."
"No, no, I am expressing my thanks, to such a loving and wonderful family, who watched my "Broke and Crazy" parents break themselves trying to help them out, even at a heavy cost. The same kind family who watched them suffer, and stood by like they were strangers. And the same caring family who could not be bothered to attend my mothers funeral, or even call me to offer condolences when my father, the same man that would come to them when their cars broke down, or pick them up to get gas, or even almost breaking his arm to help them board up their houses before a hurricane, died."
"Dammit Writer, just leave."
"Fine. But when I walk out the door, we are no longer family. I will add what you owe my parents to the Probate, and the estate will collect the debt. Goodbye."
I left, not knowing if I could even do that, but still, I did not give a fuck, and left with a whole ham.
In the car, me and wife had to pull over and rage out. It looked like to passing motorists that we were pissed off at a broke down vehicle. After two offers of assistance and a state trooper's check, we left.
Five minutes on the clock after we raged out, Aunt Lush calls.
"It is almost dinner time here, where are you?"
"I did not know we were invited."
"Well duh, who else is going to bring the wine and rolls?"
--Click---
I made the command decision to just go home. We had enough to eat for at least tonight and leftovers for tomorrow. I had fucking enough.
I walked in, unplugged the house phone, and we all turned our cell phones off, and I cracked open a bottle of wine to share with the people who truly mattered to me, and not to get them drunk, and we ate. They are currently picking their teeth, watching Magic Mike XL and I am currently enjoying the Cowboys winning their game, while sipping my Ouzo.
Sorry to dump this on you all.
But from the bottom of my heart, Happy Thanksgiving, as I count everyone on KB as people who matter to me.
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Fun & Games / Re: Change a letter (5 letters)
« Last post by Pornhubby on November 29, 2024, 02:07:46 AM »ROUND
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General Discussion / Re: Holiday
« Last post by Writers Bloque on November 28, 2024, 10:01:03 PM »Today will go down as the day the Bears fumbled and missed the pass to lose to the lions.
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General Discussion / Re: Holiday
« Last post by Dudester on November 28, 2024, 07:58:01 PM »My favorite Thanksgiving memory:
Jim Stafford, check out his other funny songs, like "Spider and Snakes" and "Wildwood Weed"
Jim Stafford, check out his other funny songs, like "Spider and Snakes" and "Wildwood Weed"
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General Discussion / Re: FOR WHAT ITS WORTH
« Last post by Pornhubby on November 28, 2024, 07:49:39 PM »
Reddit porn star Hot Falling Devil. She was smoking back in the day!
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Sex talk / Re: What Celebrity would you like to fuck?
« Last post by Pornhubby on November 28, 2024, 07:43:45 PM »Eva Gabor..
The men of Hooterville are hot and bothered.
How about a threesome with Eva and her sister Zsa Zsa
This has been a Filmways presentation Dah-ling.
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General Discussion / Re: Turkey Day! Happy Thanksgiving!
« Last post by GEMINIGUY on November 28, 2024, 07:41:06 PM »HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! 🦃🦃🦃
Next February I'll have been here 15 years. I agree, this really wasn't a great year, but really the real world for me has never been as great as KB, im glad I found this site.
Despite numerous changes over the years and different setbacks for myself with my writing, I've always considered KB my home and most of its members my family. A lot of our KB family has left over the years, but I'm glad many have stayed. 🦃🦃🦃
Next February I'll have been here 15 years. I agree, this really wasn't a great year, but really the real world for me has never been as great as KB, im glad I found this site.
Despite numerous changes over the years and different setbacks for myself with my writing, I've always considered KB my home and most of its members my family. A lot of our KB family has left over the years, but I'm glad many have stayed. 🦃🦃🦃
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General Discussion / Re: Turkey Day! Happy Thanksgiving!
« Last post by Pornhubby on November 28, 2024, 07:20:48 PM »Wishing my KB friends at home and abroad a very happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you. I don’t think any of us will look back at 2024 as a banner year. Lots of illnesses, the KB site being shut down, the US election, just a shit storm. But we have each other, we’ve stood by one another, through thick and thin, for very long time.
I hope you have a day full of friends, family, turkey, and football. Throw in a little perversity too, please. Love you all.
I hope you have a day full of friends, family, turkey, and football. Throw in a little perversity too, please. Love you all.